Pay for daughter and her boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My daughter will be visiting this weekend with her new (and first ) boyfriend. They are both grad students, in their twenties.

My question is, when we are down in DC together, do I pay for both of them? (I would normally pay for her). Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Paying for just her would be very awkward.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I do. It makes everything more expensive welcome to parenting an adult - get ready for vacation politics re: same.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

How is this a question?

[Anonymous]

Down in DC doing what??

[Anonymous]

Of course.

[Anonymous]

You are hosting them. You pay for both. If it’s a financial burden, stick to activities you can afford.

[Anonymous]

Don’t be cheap.you are hosting. How do you not know what to do here?!

[Anonymous]

In my family, my parents would have probably paid for most things (they can, easily) and bf and I would have picked up a dinner out or something like that.

I mean there aren’t a ton of cash expenditures for a weekend visit, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course.

How is this a question?

+1. Weird question.

[Anonymous]

From very early on (back when my now DH and I were in grad school/very early in our careers), my parents have always been generous with him and treated us both the same. Meaning they’d take us out to dinners during visits (we always bought one meal) and always gave birthday and holiday gifts worth about the same amount. Basically they treated him like part of the family since they knew I was serious about him.

Now that we are married he continues to have a good relationship with them. He has never once complained when they come visit, sometimes for weeks at a time. He is happy to split holidays so we can spend half of them with my family. He’s happy for our kids to spend lots of time with their grandparents. And DH and I make a lot more money now than we did in our 20s/early 30s so we can treat them to things when they visit us.

You see so many negative in law posts in the family relationships forum, and I’m so grateful not to have that drama in my life.

Maybe this boyfriend will not become your future SIL, but maybe he will. I would err on the side of treating him the way you hope he will treat you someday if he becomes family. He could be the future father of your grandchildren, so don’t start off by treating your daughter as family and him as some random person who has to pay on a separate check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my family, my parents would have probably paid for most things (they can, easily) and bf and I would have picked up a dinner out or something like that.

I mean there aren’t a ton of cash expenditures for a weekend visit, no?

That's how it's always been in my family. The parents paid for most things, even when we were broke, we picked up at least one meal or cooked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will be visiting this weekend with her new (and first ) boyfriend. They are both grad students, in their twenties.

My question is, when we are down in DC together, do I pay for both of them? (I would normally pay for her). Thanks.

I would but depends on yours and his finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be cheap.you are hosting. How do you not know what to do here?!

It is a new experience.

I did not know if it would threaten his manhood somehow if I paid for him (like a child).

Consider posting when you can be helpful (rather than judgemental).

[Anonymous]

At that age, yes. He should offer to pay for himself but if he does, you decline.