Are we stupid? Parents that chose public/charter schools when they could kinda afford private schools...

[Anonymous]

Let me clarify...
-- That was an attention getter - maybe I should say "Are we silly?"!
-- "kinda" means you would definitely notice $50K/year tuition payments and it would be 'unpleasant'
-- I'm referring to the big ticket very pricey private schools (Sidwell, GDS, NCS, etc.)

Many times I have wondered - hmm is the grass greener over there? Would that have been a better experience for my student(s)?
I have visited these places numerous times and over the years I have felt that the "gap" is diminishing...many schools have switched to online everything..
and most of the fancy experiences can be duplicated for much less $ (sculpting class, photography studio, etc).

I thought it was hard to justify the price tag and I'm a cheapskate so I thought "nah" (to summarize my sophisticated decision-making).

However, why am I freaking out right now?
I thought that the wave of super selective colleges (OK Ivies) drawing from private schools was trending down.
But no - I'm hearing that the overwhelming majority of admissions (around 80%) to these schools is from the top private schools...and yes, that was my goal for my student(s) (I'm an Ivy alum - undergrad, grad)

Anyone want to share their thoughts?

P.S. Dear friends - if you don't have anything nice to say - no need to say it! Instead, please go get an overpriced latte & pastry and feel better )

[Anonymous]

Take a deep breath dude.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, the best option for little kids is public unless there’s an obvious reason it’s unsuitable for your family (religion, bullying, kid isn’t learning or is miserable, special needs) that a specific private would support better. For older kids, I think it’s important for the decision to be child driven. If they want to go to a private school or have access to something only available at private, it could make sense to apply there. But I wouldn’t put my kids in private for some nebulous feeling that private is always better for every child than public.

[Anonymous]

There is no perfect school, from pre-K to grad school. Repeat as necessary. Time after time shows that success is linked to hard work and drive more than any degree or college name.

So...what do you do with that information? You make the best choice you can based on available information at each stage. We did Montessori through 5th grade, switched to a traditional private from 6-8, then did public high school. Kid got into top choice, a very selective SLAC around 7% acceptance rate.

There are no guarantees. My kid did not prefer any Ivys but may have been competitive there given her good showing in the SLACs (Amherst, Hamilton, Swarthmore, etc.) You can't compare yourself. Make the right choice for your family, your child, your financial situation. Success can come in many different packages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no perfect school, from pre-K to grad school. Repeat as necessary. Time after time shows that success is linked to hard work and drive more than any degree or college name.

So...what do you do with that information? You make the best choice you can based on available information at each stage. We did Montessori through 5th grade, switched to a traditional private from 6-8, then did public high school. Kid got into top choice, a very selective SLAC around 7% acceptance rate.

There are no guarantees. My kid did not prefer any Ivys but may have been competitive there given her good showing in the SLACs (Amherst, Hamilton, Swarthmore, etc.) You can't compare yourself. Make the right choice for your family, your child, your financial situation. Success can come in many different packages.

+1million. I have good friends who came up through the DC private system- and the grass is definitely not always greener, there are trade offs to every school and situation and you’ll drive yourself nuts trying to keep up with the Joneses. Make the decision that feels best for your child and your family, and try to tamp down the comparisons.

[Anonymous]

It's not stupid or silly to choose the cheapest option for as long as it works, and know you can pivot if it stops working.

It's very stupid/silly to have "attend Ivy" as a goal for your kid. Might as well set your intention at "win the lottery."

[Anonymous]

There is no point regretting the past, and you have no way of knowing how the alternate reality turned out. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

The truth is that from all area DC schools, almost every Ivy admit has some hook -- whether it be a prominent alum parent (not just your run of the mill gives $100 every year, I am talking truly connected), a recruited athlete, or something else that makes them really, really stand out. Your average smart kid is very unlikely to get into an Ivy from either a top DC public (yes even the ones you named) or from a DC public.

Of course, there are myriad other reasons to send your kid to a private school. But your stated one -- helping my kid get into an Ivy -- is not at the top of that list.

[Anonymous]

If you want to feel truly poor, send your child to an upper NW private. $50k is not even a thought to many of those people. The donut hole phenomenon is real.

[Anonymous]

If your kid can hit the marks that will get them into an Ivy, they will be able to do it from a public or charter just as well as they can from a private. It might even be easier because they will be evaluated against a bigger pool.

If you're counting on connections and prestige for the extra boost to get them into an Ivy, it will require much more than simply being in a top private to make that happen. It sounds like you have plenty of resources. Why not use some of them to find an expert who can help you?

[1SWMom]

IMO Prestigious private school are almost always better academically and for college admittance, the trade off/dangers are economic and racial disparity, but that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, the best option for little kids is public unless there’s an obvious reason it’s unsuitable for your family (religion, bullying, kid isn’t learning or is miserable, special needs) that a specific private would support better. For older kids, I think it’s important for the decision to be child driven. If they want to go to a private school or have access to something only available at private, it could make sense to apply there. But I wouldn’t put my kids in private for some nebulous feeling that private is always better for every child than public.

I disagree (kindly). The privates that OP mentions are top notch. It’s like a filet mignon vs McDonald’s hamburger. I put my kids in private while they were developing as a student and could benefit from a small community where everyone shared similar educational values and we knew all the families, etc. The school made learning fun!

I do agree that older kids need to make the choice. By the time the kid is in middle school they have established for themselves what kind of student they are and want to be. They are self-directed. I have 4 kids. Of my older kids one chose private HS, one chose selective public. Both had solid reasons for their choices, so I supported them.

[Anonymous]

1SWMom wrote:IMO Prestigious private school are almost always better academically and for college admittance, the trade off/dangers are economic and racial disparity, but that's life.

Respectfully I disagree. If your kid wants Ivy, let’s use Harvard as an example, and there are 3 solid Harvard legacy kids at that private school - then your kid basically has no chance. If your kid went to public and was at the top of the class, chances are there would be no Harvard legacy kids, so your kid’s chance is better. Now, if you want to look at it wholistically - does my kid have a better chance of getting into any college - then yes, you are correct, more kids go to college from private school. You need to think about it for a SPECIFIC kid, not just an average kid, because an average kid doesn’t really exist, and if they did average kid doesn’t go to Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not stupid or silly to choose the cheapest option for as long as it works, and know you can pivot if it stops working.

It's very stupid/silly to have "attend Ivy" as a goal for your kid. Might as well set your intention at "win the lottery."

DP

“Win the lottery” is my job plan A. I’m working plan B now, which is ok too.

[Anonymous]

DP. My family is in the same situation as OP and we have done public or public charter from PK4 through high school (coming soon). Our child is having a good experience, they are learning, they are existing in the real world of their city. Are they as advanced academically or having the same experiences as they would if they were in private? No, and we accept that. They're having lots of enriching experiences at their school, too, academic and otherwise. Would private school get them farther in life? Maybe in some ways, but is that really the point? And if we multiple $50k by the years we're saving, and invest that to pass on, boy, that's a great start too...

Unless a child has disabilities, if the parent can afford private school, they're gonna be fine in life. So, and I truly believe this, all of us in that position should _chill_.