Teen extracurriculars - 14yo boy

[Anonymous]

Hello!

I have a 14yo son whose main reason for existing is his one true love: gaming. Zero interest in team sports. Won't join school musical bands or theater productions anymore. He's also not meeting up with friends outside of school. I've asked him to add some balance back into this equation, test out some interests and by September be ready to join into things in or out of school in a more meaningful way. I've suggested many different things without luck.

Can you all help me - I'm trying to brainstorm a long list of things to consider. Conventional, unconventional, preferably coed activities, preferably not involving a computer screen (but I realize programing, computer related stuff might be likely to catch his interest). What activities have your kids done and loved?

[Anonymous]

Robotics. I realize it involves a screen, but it's also social and involves lots of non screen time.

Rock climbing gyms are very inclusive and friendly, even for non-sporty people.

D&D group

[Anonymous]

Does he like animals? Dog walking? Volunteering at a shelter?
Cycling, road or mountain.
What about a job?

[Anonymous]

Lean in to gaming and sign him up for coding classes for video games and gaming competitions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lean in to gaming and sign him up for coding classes for video games and gaming competitions.

He’ll meet the like-minded friends

[Anonymous]

First, does he have any limits on time allotted to be on his computer? If not, I’d start there. Give him some parameters: maybe 2 hrs of gaming per day max, then he needs to find something else to do. See what he comes up with and help as needed

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old son does a chess club and a math club at school. It's not as much of a social activity as things like sports (each meets once per week), but at least he's doing something.
He is also plays D &D once per week, but the group is mixed ages (some in the later part of middle school). He has fun while he is there, but has not led to any friendships outside of D&D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, does he have any limits on time allotted to be on his computer? If not, I’d start there. Give him some parameters: maybe 2 hrs of gaming per day max, then he needs to find something else to do. See what he comes up with and help as needed

Just adding, he may not have any ideas immediately, but give it some time and after being bored for long enough, he will start to think of things to do.

[Anonymous]

I forced my gamer 13 yo into Boy Scouts. He was so resistant at first but you’d never know now. He loves being part of the group and it makes me so happy to see teen boys get along in a safe environment. I had to bargain with him to get started though and promised him if he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, does he have any limits on time allotted to be on his computer? If not, I’d start there. Give him some parameters: maybe 2 hrs of gaming per day max, then he needs to find something else to do. See what he comes up with and help as needed

Yes, he's not really allowed on weekdays. Fridays I try to limit to only when his school friends are also online. Weekends more relaxed as long as he gets all his work done first. And even then, I cut him off after a while. The problem is when he comes off screens he mopes around and can't think of anything to do to instead. I ignore him!

[Anonymous]

I think I'd probably go cold turkey on the gaming until you can add some balance back in to his life and also tell him he has to pick some activities, whatever they are. His choice.

Some kids really just can't handle it in moderation. The moping when not on it is not a great sign.

[Anonymous]

How does he spend his free time in the summer? Can you lean into those activities or is it all gaming all summer?

[Anonymous]

Ultimate frisbee

[Anonymous]

Golf, tennis, martial arts, rock climbing

[Anonymous]

Robotics
Nature photography
Music camp that takes newbies