Anticipating setbacks/triggers after breakup

[Anonymous]

Ex and I dated two years but long distance and agreed on a mutual breakup due to circumstances (distance and neither being able to move for the next 10-15 years at least). We had discussed it to death prior to breaking up and parted very amicably. This happened about a month ago. On Sunday, I saw a photo of him with a beautiful female friend on social media; they looked very cozy sitting at a table, leaning toward each other, and he had his arm around her. We are both divorced and have kids and it’s not like this is my first breakup, but I just felt tears roll down my face. I got myself together and put the phone away but it’s taken me 48 hours to get back to where I was on Saturday in terms of processing the breakup.

Now I’m wondering, what other setbacks or triggers should I expect after a long distance relationship ended so it doesn’t take me by surprise? Thankfully there’s not much in my immediate environment to remind me of him. Inevitably, he will contact me at some point since we still have a professional relationship and agreed to remain friends but I know to expect that so I can handle it. It was just the surprise of this picture that really got me. I guess a new relationship and more photos, etc. are most likely?

[Anonymous]

Can you block on social media?

[Anonymous]

He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted this picture. Block or unfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you block on social media?

No, it was an amicable breakup, the guy is allowed to have a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted this picture. Block or unfriend.

This did occur to me but it’s been a month and I can’t really expect him to contort his world for an ex, no?

He has never been cruel to me in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you block on social media?

No, it was an amicable breakup, the guy is allowed to have a life.

Sure, but she doesn’t need to see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted this picture. Block or unfriend.

This did occur to me but it’s been a month and I can’t really expect him to contort his world for an ex, no?

He has never been cruel to me in any way.

I don’t think he’s being cruel, but he did it on purpose and will likely post more. Also possible he has been seeing this woman for a while. I would block or mute.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, thanks PPs, I can’t/won’t block him but I could stay off social media or open an alternative account so I can follow all the geeky content I normally consume without seeing his/mutual friend feeds. There is a lot of astronomy and science on Instagram in particular that I find relaxing and inspiring to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted this picture. Block or unfriend.

This did occur to me but it’s been a month and I can’t really expect him to contort his world for an ex, no?

He has never been cruel to me in any way.

I don’t think he’s being cruel, but he did it on purpose and will likely post more. Also possible he has been seeing this woman for a while. I would block or mute.

You mean with the purpose of me seeing the photo specifically? What’s the point?

We are done, he knows that. If anything, the breakup was more on his side than mine I asked him not to put guilt on me for not traveling to see him more; he said he was just mumbling, didn’t know what to say; but then he said, you’re right, the long distance thing is not sustainable and we agreed to part ways before any resentment showed up between us. This was after many similar (short but heartfelt) talks over the last 6-10 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted this picture. Block or unfriend.

This did occur to me but it’s been a month and I can’t really expect him to contort his world for an ex, no?

He has never been cruel to me in any way.

I don’t think he’s being cruel, but he did it on purpose and will likely post more. Also possible he has been seeing this woman for a while. I would block or mute.

You mean with the purpose of me seeing the photo specifically? What’s the point?

We are done, he knows that. If anything, the breakup was more on his side than mine I asked him not to put guilt on me for not traveling to see him more; he said he was just mumbling, didn’t know what to say; but then he said, you’re right, the long distance thing is not sustainable and we agreed to part ways before any resentment showed up between us. This was after many similar (short but heartfelt) talks over the last 6-10 months.

Not so much about you (though could be) but feeling insecure and wanting to project his desirability, wanting to show some third person out there that he’s desirable/available, or just coming clean in a way about another relationship he’s had going on. It doesn’t matter and isn’t worth thinking about. I think the new instagram is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

OP - people date long distance so they can see easily multiple partners. Because there is no other reason not to find someone who lives closeby. He was mumbling and didn’t travel to see you often because he’s been dating her all that time. Don’t be silly next time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - people date long distance so they can see easily multiple partners. Because there is no other reason not to find someone who lives closeby. He was mumbling and didn’t travel to see you often because he’s been dating her all that time. Don’t be silly next time

He did travel to see me, a lot. He was complaining that I wasn’t traveling as often to see him as he was to see me (which is true, but he was here for work around 25% of the time he was traveling to see me). And he hasn’t been dating her all that time. Don’t be silly yourself. Sounds like you have deep trust issues, which I understand, but if I had any reason to mistrust him I would never have bothered with a long distance relationship.

Anyway, none of that really matters now, he’s single and free to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted this picture. Block or unfriend.

This did occur to me but it’s been a month and I can’t really expect him to contort his world for an ex, no?

He has never been cruel to me in any way.

I don’t think he’s being cruel, but he did it on purpose and will likely post more. Also possible he has been seeing this woman for a while. I would block or mute.

You mean with the purpose of me seeing the photo specifically? What’s the point?

We are done, he knows that. If anything, the breakup was more on his side than mine I asked him not to put guilt on me for not traveling to see him more; he said he was just mumbling, didn’t know what to say; but then he said, you’re right, the long distance thing is not sustainable and we agreed to part ways before any resentment showed up between us. This was after many similar (short but heartfelt) talks over the last 6-10 months.

Not so much about you (though could be) but feeling insecure and wanting to project his desirability, wanting to show some third person out there that he’s desirable/available, or just coming clean in a way about another relationship he’s had going on. It doesn’t matter and isn’t worth thinking about. I think the new instagram is a good idea.

Yes, I agree, thanks, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knew exactly what he was doing when he posted this picture. Block or unfriend.

This did occur to me but it’s been a month and I can’t really expect him to contort his world for an ex, no?

He has never been cruel to me in any way.

I don’t think he’s being cruel, but he did it on purpose and will likely post more. Also possible he has been seeing this woman for a while. I would block or mute.

I actually hadn’t realize you could mute someone on instagram! Done! Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Your reaction to seeing his photo was 💯% normal OP.
Anyone of us would have shared the same reaction.

Even though a breakup may be the best for both parties involved > it will still hurt when you see them w/other people later on.
It hurts even more so when you are still single trust me. ❤️‍🩹

There will be many setbacks during this time.
Two years is a significant amount of time + you are in the healing process right now.

Remember:
Healing after a breakup is never an entirely progressive affair.
There will be both good as well as bad days while you heal.

I would strongly recommend that until you feel you are more adequately healed……that you refrain from any form of communication and thus connection to this person.

Hugs 🫂