Has anyone married or have a relationship with a former cheater and it worked out?

[Anonymous]

Wondering. Currently talking to an attractive 36 yr old man who is divorced. He cheated on his ex wife with an also married woman for 2 months. His ex found out after a phone call. They stayed together 2 more years but then divorced. He says he fell out of love and was celibate and worked on retention from sex to understand why he cheated. He says he has deep feelings for me so idk but also has way more sexual experience than me. I'm past 30 too. He says he wouldn't cheat again. Can a cheater actually nit cheat again? Any experiences with a reformed cheater?

[Anonymous]

36 is young. He already cheated in a marriage and he hasn't even hit the midlife crisis years, or the 'business like/full on kid years' yet.

Yeah- not a keeper. And with another married person so they were willing to wreck two marriages? Nah, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

[Anonymous]

Why risk it?

[Anonymous]

If a guy is generally monogamous and cheats after years of bad marriage is forgivable and different from a guy who frequently cheats in many relationships.

At age 34 (when he was cheating), it doesn't sound like he fits the bill of the former.

I wouldn't consider him to be material for a serious relationship. If you like him, have fun with him.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he can tell you are reluctant. A cheater will do/say whatever needs to be said to "win". He will no doubt be charming and fun and sexy, and he might even mean it when he says he won't cheat again. But someone like that cheats for the intensity (just like now the intensity of winning) of going after something. Eventually it is highly likely he will need intensity again, and easily could cheat.

[Anonymous]

It seems like my ex husband of 14 years has stayed loyal to his gf over the past 4 years. I wouldn't say he is a changed man. We just had too much toxic history. The relationship dynamic with the new gf is different and healthier. I like to think he learned something from the affair and end of our marriage. I certainly did.

[Anonymous]

I cheated on one person with one person haven’t done it since and wouldn’t again. It was 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Some people do change. Did he get married at a younger age?

[Anonymous]

This guy doesn't sound worth the risk, OP.

Be wary of getting attached too quickly, it can cause you to discount red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he can tell you are reluctant. A cheater will do/say whatever needs to be said to "win". He will no doubt be charming and fun and sexy, and he might even mean it when he says he won't cheat again. But someone like that cheats for the intensity (just like now the intensity of winning) of going after something. Eventually it is highly likely he will need intensity again, and easily could cheat.

All of this. I'd move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Currently talking to an attractive 36 yr old man who is divorced. He cheated on his ex wife with an also married woman for 2 months. His ex found out after a phone call. They stayed together 2 more years but then divorced. He says he fell out of love and was celibate and worked on retention from sex to understand why he cheated. He says he has deep feelings for me so idk but also has way more sexual experience than me. I'm past 30 too. He says he wouldn't cheat again. Can a cheater actually nit cheat again? Any experiences with a reformed cheater?

People can change. However, what he did to understand why he cheated is BS and something that a narcissist will say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:36 is young. He already cheated in a marriage and he hasn't even hit the midlife crisis years, or the 'business like/full on kid years' yet.

Yeah- not a keeper. And with another married person so they were willing to wreck two marriages? Nah, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

+100. Someone who cheats when things are "easy" will absolutely cheat when things are hard. Have fun if you want, but he's not marriage material and absolutely not family material.

[Anonymous]

36. Does he have kids? I would run if he has kids and is a former cheater. There are too many obstacles.

If he has no kids and he's very repentant, then he might be worth the risk. Trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

"reformed cheater" isn't a real thing. Someone who was willing to disrespect their previous partners is highly likely to do the same to you. You're not that special (sorry, OP), regardless of how important he's saying you are to him. At one point, his previous partner was that important to him, too.

Some people are pathologically incompatible with the idea of fidelity. If loyalty and honesty and integrity matter to you, throw this one back and keep fishing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:36. Does he have kids? I would run if he has kids and is a former cheater. There are too many obstacles.

If he has no kids and he's very repentant, then he might be worth the risk. Trust your gut.

wife mommy.

I think I agree with this. I have a friend who left his childless, married at 21 marriage around this age for a single woman. They married and had 4 kids and are still going strong 20 years later and I don't think they have fidelity issues, they're a great couple. That said, that's an exception not the norm.