SN parents - do you ever feel safe?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Or do you always feel like you have to be on high alert because your kid’s school or extracurriculars are going to hurt them?
Our son is 10, an only child, 2E autistic with dysgraphia and apraxia, and I have never felt like his schools or extras are entirely safe places. Teachers don’t implement his 504. The school drags its feet and fights our lawyer to delay the IEP it finally admitted he qualifies for, and it will not staff. Privates he has been in have failed to supervise the kids and he has fallen down stairs and been left behind on field trips. Kids at karate call him names. Is it just always like this? Do you ever feel like your kid is safe? If so, where? Feeling so lost and sad. Is it just always this way? |
Anonymous
| Life isn't safe. You may suffer from anxiety |
Anonymous
Yes, I quite obviously do. Do you? That’s what I’m asking. And I’m not asking about “life;” I’m asking about SN parenting. -OP |
Anonymous
Pp here. I have a child with moderate SN. I ended up on antidepressants. |
Anonymous
Ok. I was just asking if anyone ever feels like their kid is safe and if so where. Needing ideas and hope. |
Anonymous
|
My child has lower needs, but I understand what you mean. I recommend finding programs for kids with similar interests and needs. Parents and kids give more grace at these programs because they understand better the needs of these children. It might only be for a few hours a week.
Resources in Virginia: https://www.thej.org/specialneeds/ https://poac-nova.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Adapted-sports-and-rec-list-2021.pdf |
Anonymous
|
The Calm App has done wonders for me. I did the 7 days to Calm and the 30 part session on Mindfulness for Beginners. Now I do the Daily Calm and the Daily Trip. Each person has a different approach and I get a little here and a little there. I cannot not visualize and they, for the most part, do not use visualization.
This has helped me stop the constant flight or fight mode I have been in- if only for a little while. Seeing a therapist has also helped me help my child with also maintaining just a little bit of distance so I don’t take on their issues as my own. Still working on that. |
Anonymous
| Some of us have kids that make us feel unsafe. |
Anonymous
|
I have a kid with profound intellectual disability that cannot communicate (verbally or nonverbally). Of course I know she is not safe. Neither is my neurotypical kid that is a girl. If I had a boy, he would not be safe either — although the statistics for boys are not as dire.
But I’m not upset constantly or anxious. I use sitters for my ID kid and just have to trust they are not going to hurt her. I trust that her teachers will keep her safe during the school day. At some point, she will go into an intermediate care facility. If she lives 50 years in a facility, odds are she will be abused at some point. But I keep living life. We have fun, laugh, etc. My guess is you need some medication to get you through this. I don’t focus on all the bad outcomes at all — but I do have my moments of sadness. |
Anonymous
| Since symptoms and problems started I've gained weight and sought treatment for what was determined moderate anxiety. Mindfulness helps sure, but the biggest help has been connecting with other parents going through the same thing. I think at first it's very lonely when in fact there are plenty going through the same thing. I recommend the Dr. Dan parent group as a first step. Maybe your school can connect you with other parents (ours does not). Or ask around to find people to help you into this club. Good luck. |
Anonymous
|
I do feel safe with my DS's environment, adults, and peers. To be honest, for me, the only example of a safety issue based on your post is improper supervision and getting left behind on a field trip.
The others are important as well and have impacts on social/emotional/cognitive health. But for my experience personally, when issues like those have risen, I felt that the adults cared and wanted to create a positive environment for my son and didn't feel any threats to his overall safety. |
Anonymous
|
I think it’s the way you view things. First, it is so extremely unusual for a kid to get left behind on a field trip that I have to question the competency of the school and since it was a private, you picked it. This won’t ever happen again.
Having to advocate for an IEP and demonstrate the need is not a safety issue. It’s an inconvenience. It’s a pain. And advocating for what your kid needs is not a special needs issue. No one gives any kid everything a parent wants for their kid, thinks their kid needs or thinks their kid deserves. Every parent has to advocate. People being mean to your kid happens to everyone not just a kid with special needs. So I guess if these things make you feel unsafe then it’s probably more that you have anxiety about parenting issues. Here’s how I view life as a parent with two kids with special needs (and others who are not). The biggest concern is getting them to the point where they will survive successfully after you’re gone. To get there, you’ve Got to keep your eye on the big picture and stop sweating the small stuff. You’ve got to make people partners in your quest and not enemies. You’ve got to build on the successes and not get bogged down by the failures, set backs and road blocks. You’ve got to realize that some of the things you are asking for don’t make a bit of difference in the long run so you have to let them go. You’ve got to invest your own resources - time and money. I have completely launched one of my kids with special needs and he is a kid who was never predicted to graduate from HS or be able to live on his own. Number 2 is harder because he probably won’t ever leave us. His issues are mental health related and much harder to manage than intellectual disabilities, at least for me. But he’s working and training for a higher level job which may be the best we can achieve. Good luck. I hope you can figure out how to move past those feelings so you can enjoy parenting your child. Oh and I clicked on this because I also thought you were talking about your kid making you feel unsafe. That I can relate to. |
Anonymous
OP, switch to a different karate (or taekwondo or fencing or whatever) school immediately. Our martial arts studio is a welcoming place and there is no name-calling, and I'm shocked to see your post. In many martial arts studios, there are probably a very high percentage of ADHD or ND people (it is one of the first recommendations to parents of ND children to enroll their children in martial arts), so your DC will be one of many, the way my kids, one with ASD and one with ADHD, are. |
Anonymous
|
OP I want to hug you. I will not shame your anxiety because I feel it too. This is not just about you feeling anxious. It's you loving your kid so darned much and wanting them to have psychological and physical safety.
I tell myself that I do my very best to find the most welcoming spaces and support systems I can for DC, and that if I feel like something is off I investigate and keep on it. Same goes for my NT child. I believe that is the best any parent can do under any circumstances. |
Anonymous
|
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I think your anxiety will lesson as your child gets older and more independent and strong.
|