School successfully dealt w/ bully?

[Anonymous]

Lots of posts on bullying, involving physical and social on this forum. Varying opinions about contacting/involving the school, with many insisting the school should be notified. However, little closure or follow up about the outcome.

Any success stories? How did you approach the school? What was done? What was the outcome?

[Anonymous]

Useless restorative justice meeting with the bully continuing the next week. Nothing changed. Needless anxiety the whole year through. The principal would talk to the child each incident and then or just continued anyway.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on what you mean as success. I thought our MS was successful in keeping my MS kid safe. They instituted things like arranging locker room cleaning schedule so that an adult would be present when my kid was in the locker room because that’s a vulnerable place. They also had adults meet the school bus.

With a social media issue another of my kids had, the school worked with a county task force and everything was taken down. I don’t know if the kids were identified because the information to me ended with being told it was taken down. I actually reported this via email late on a Sunday evening and got a response within ten minutes. I was impressed.

[Anonymous]

The school had meetings with us, promised us they would take it seriously, but didn't want to discuss how the bully would be handled. I mean, they wouldn't even say the bully's name out loud in front of us, as if we had to keep it super confidential amongst ourselves even though everyone knew who we were talking about. We do know that the taunting and comments died down but there was no closure or follow up. So we keep an eye on things and will document as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Useless restorative justice meeting with the bully continuing the next week. Nothing changed. Needless anxiety the whole year through. The principal would talk to the child each incident and then or just continued anyway.

Restorative justice seems so wrong and this does not sound successful. Most research on bullying and restorative justice says it does not work. The power balance is off, the definition of bullying, and restorative justice allows that power imbalance to continue. Would we ask children to do this with an adult?

[Anonymous]

If the bullying/exclusion hasn't gone away after a year or two, it's time for a fresh start and a new school. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot a school can do about bullying.

[Anonymous]

i've posted before on threads like this, and I sound crazy, but the only thing that worked for our DS was to go nuclear.

And attack the bully (verbally) with insults to brutal and so specific that the bully was unable to respond.

I've mentioned on other posts, but it involved looking up court records of the bully's parents and revealing family information that the bully didn't know about.

It was 100% the last resort, but it had to be done.

We also put our son into wrestling at age 12 and now by at 16, nobody would dare bully him.

But at the time in 7th grade, we had to wreck that bully's life. And it worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i've posted before on threads like this, and I sound crazy, but the only thing that worked for our DS was to go nuclear.

And attack the bully (verbally) with insults to brutal and so specific that the bully was unable to respond.

I've mentioned on other posts, but it involved looking up court records of the bully's parents and revealing family information that the bully didn't know about.

It was 100% the last resort, but it had to be done.

We also put our son into wrestling at age 12 and now by at 16, nobody would dare bully him.

But at the time in 7th grade, we had to wreck that bully's life. And it worked.

It sucks to have to do this but makes sense. A bully has to be challenged in a significant way to back down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If the bullying/exclusion hasn't gone away after a year or two, it's time for a fresh start and a new school. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot a school can do about bullying.

Correction - there isn't a lot a school WILL do about bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i've posted before on threads like this, and I sound crazy, but the only thing that worked for our DS was to go nuclear.

And attack the bully (verbally) with insults to brutal and so specific that the bully was unable to respond.

I've mentioned on other posts, but it involved looking up court records of the bully's parents and revealing family information that the bully didn't know about.

It was 100% the last resort, but it had to be done.

We also put our son into wrestling at age 12 and now by at 16, nobody would dare bully him.

But at the time in 7th grade, we had to wreck that bully's life. And it worked.

It sucks to have to do this but makes sense. A bully has to be challenged in a significant way to back down.

Yup, lame comebacks/avoiding/tattling just wont' ever get it to end.

And the idea that so many people have on this forum to just "find a new school" is a lesson I will never teach my kid. They have a right to walk through this doors. And running away is not something we do.

Follow the right steps. Teacher/ guidance counselor/ principal / admin. But then. If nothing changes. Then its time to bury that bully

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i've posted before on threads like this, and I sound crazy, but the only thing that worked for our DS was to go nuclear.

And attack the bully (verbally) with insults to brutal and so specific that the bully was unable to respond.

I've mentioned on other posts, but it involved looking up court records of the bully's parents and revealing family information that the bully didn't know about.

It was 100% the last resort, but it had to be done.

We also put our son into wrestling at age 12 and now by at 16, nobody would dare bully him.

But at the time in 7th grade, we had to wreck that bully's life. And it worked.

It sucks to have to do this but makes sense. A bully has to be challenged in a significant way to back down.

Yup, lame comebacks/avoiding/tattling just wont' ever get it to end.

And the idea that so many people have on this forum to just "find a new school" is a lesson I will never teach my kid. They have a right to walk through this doors. And running away is not something we do.

Follow the right steps. Teacher/ guidance counselor/ principal / admin. But then. If nothing changes. Then its time to bury that bully

Same. Worked for us.

We went Guidance Counselor then Vice Principal then Principal. Bully off the dam bus for the rest of the year. Not putting up with that crap. And we did not. Took about a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what you mean as success. I thought our MS was successful in keeping my MS kid safe. They instituted things like arranging locker room cleaning schedule so that an adult would be present when my kid was in the locker room because that’s a vulnerable place. They also had adults meet the school bus.

With a social media issue another of my kids had, the school worked with a county task force and everything was taken down. I don’t know if the kids were identified because the information to me ended with being told it was taken down. I actually reported this via email late on a Sunday evening and got a response within ten minutes. I was impressed.

What district? That's impressive.

[Anonymous]

I've been surprised by two things IME -- at how responsive schools are when it is reported through proper official channels like the guidance department or principal and second how often teachers ignore this behavior.

For your younger DC the guidance counselor quickly talked to the kid with bullying behavior and their parents and it never happened again. I think they did that the same day.

Another DC's friend was being bullied in MS with physical intimidation like taking backpack away and pushed and as soon as it was reported to the principal and verified the bully's class schedule was completely changed to no longer have classes with the child being victimized and the bully was told they needed to not have any contact with the other child.

All the teachers saw this behavior but never did anything about it apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i've posted before on threads like this, and I sound crazy, but the only thing that worked for our DS was to go nuclear.

And attack the bully (verbally) with insults to brutal and so specific that the bully was unable to respond.

I've mentioned on other posts, but it involved looking up court records of the bully's parents and revealing family information that the bully didn't know about.

It was 100% the last resort, but it had to be done.

We also put our son into wrestling at age 12 and now by at 16, nobody would dare bully him.

But at the time in 7th grade, we had to wreck that bully's life. And it worked.

It sucks to have to do this but makes sense. A bully has to be challenged in a significant way to back down.

Sounds like the school did nothing helpful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i've posted before on threads like this, and I sound crazy, but the only thing that worked for our DS was to go nuclear.

And attack the bully (verbally) with insults to brutal and so specific that the bully was unable to respond.

I've mentioned on other posts, but it involved looking up court records of the bully's parents and revealing family information that the bully didn't know about.

It was 100% the last resort, but it had to be done.

We also put our son into wrestling at age 12 and now by at 16, nobody would dare bully him.

But at the time in 7th grade, we had to wreck that bully's life. And it worked.

It sucks to have to do this but makes sense. A bully has to be challenged in a significant way to back down.

Yup, lame comebacks/avoiding/tattling just wont' ever get it to end.

And the idea that so many people have on this forum to just "find a new school" is a lesson I will never teach my kid. They have a right to walk through this doors. And running away is not something we do.

Follow the right steps. Teacher/ guidance counselor/ principal / admin. But then. If nothing changes. Then its time to bury that bully

Same. Worked for us.

We went Guidance Counselor then Vice Principal then Principal. Bully off the dam bus for the rest of the year. Not putting up with that crap. And we did not. Took about a week.

Principal solved it?