Are you required to continue to hang out with someone you dislike if part of a group?

[Anonymous]

Over the course of my kids' school career I've become close with four other women, but one of them is just increasingly difficult to be around and life is short. It's my turn to host people at my house (we rotate) and I'm considering not including her but this also seems cruel and callous but I'm also an adult and deserve to spend time with people who aren't catty competitive and narcissistic. She is always stirring up drama and I've had enough. It has gotten way worse over the past year or so and I am just done. How can I distance from her while remaining close with the group?

[Anonymous]

Hang out with them one on one. Don’t invite all but one to the usual event - that’s mean and then youre the one causing drama.

[Anonymous]

If she is part of the “we” then you invite her. Or you will soon find yourself on the outs with the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the course of my kids' school career I've become close with four other women, but one of them is just increasingly difficult to be around and life is short. It's my turn to host people at my house (we rotate) and I'm considering not including her but this also seems cruel and callous but I'm also an adult and deserve to spend time with people who aren't catty competitive and narcissistic. She is always stirring up drama and I've had enough. It has gotten way worse over the past year or so and I am just done. How can I distance from her while remaining close with the group?

This is a common problem.

The question really is whether you are willing to lose your relationship with the three other women you do like to avoid the one woman you don't? Do that calculus and proceed accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is part of the “we” then you invite her. Or you will soon find yourself on the outs with the group.

+1. It’s why as I’ve gotten older, I don’t particularly enjoy friend “groups”. I have no interest in spending my limited free time for socializing with women who I have to pretend to like.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried calling her on her behavior or redirecting the conversation? I think that seems much better than just excluding her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried calling her on her behavior or redirecting the conversation? I think that seems much better than just excluding her.

+1. Might as well be direct and say something or change convo when she starts up. Not inviting her will really cause drama. You may find yourself on the outs. Tread carefully if you like these other women.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think having boundaries is important. And if she's not being called out on her behavior, then you're being mean for excluding someone without explanation.

[Anonymous]

Has literally no one else complained about her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is part of the “we” then you invite her. Or you will soon find yourself on the outs with the group.

+1. My DD is having to do this even in middle school. Excluding one will always cause drama. Hang out 1:1 if you want, but can’t just exclude one.

[Anonymous]

This is why groups fade and die out. There's a duo that doesn't work, so the big meet ups stop. OR....they get together without you.

[Anonymous]

Are you friends because you have kids in ES together? If so, don’t worry — this whole group will implode somewhere between 4th and 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you friends because you have kids in ES together? If so, don’t worry — this whole group will implode somewhere between 4th and 7th grade.

OP here. Yep, our kids are all friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried calling her on her behavior or redirecting the conversation? I think that seems much better than just excluding her.

+1. Might as well be direct and say something or change convo when she starts up. Not inviting her will really cause drama. You may find yourself on the outs. Tread carefully if you like these other women.

+2

[Anonymous]

Has to be one on one.

There will be fall out if you exclude one.

You can’t know if you will come out of it with the friends or be out.

But you don’t have to engage with her beyond basic politeness.