DD13 having rumors spread about her?
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Anonymous
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Just got a call from our school that DD13 is wrapped up in some drama, and that two girls are spreading rumors about her. I spoke to the principal who spoke to DD, then I spoke to DD, and the consensus with the principal is that these two girls are just stirring up unfounded drama, and DD isn’t their first victim. I don’t know how to advise DD! She’s devastated and scared all her friends will hate her (as of now they don’t) or that these girls will confront her in the bathroom.
I have a vague recollection of this happening to me once at her age and just holding my head high and riding it out, and it did blow over almost immediately. Thankfully it’s spring break for us next week, and I’m hoping it blows over then. Any advice? Things I should do or say? |
Anonymous
| I feel for you and her, girls can be brutal with this stuff. I advised my daughter to branch out friend groups, have a plan for safe people at school ( ie if she’s alienated at lunch where can she go, who else can she sit with), also encouraged unfollowing on social media bc so much happens there. Of course, keep her busy outside of school hopefully with things outside of that social group. Wish you and her the best, it’s so hard being a teen. |
Anonymous
| I am so sorry she is having to deal with this. I agree with the pp that she should get off of social media. I would also suggest encouraging some in person time with her friends. Make sure she is connecting in person with her friends so they don't get sucked into the drama. Spring break would be a great time to have her friends over to hang out. |
Anonymous
Thanks! Thankfully (I think?) it’s not her direct friend group but an adjacent two girls. We will definitely take social media into consideration. |
Anonymous
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There will always be stories about you that are not true. This is true in middle school, high school, and college. This is true in your neighborhood, work and family.
Find out who your true friends are and ignore the haters. Believe in yourself no matter what message is being told about you. |
Anonymous
Thank you! |
Anonymous
| It's really helpful to have friends who don't go to the same school and have nothing to do with the drama. It makes for a safe haven. If she has those types of friends, she should make some plans with them. |
Anonymous
| The rumors are unfounded and DD isn't their first victim (which means she won't be their last). DD needs to keep repeating this to herself over and over, and keep a low profile. Some other drama will start up next week or month to take the heat off her. She can remember this as a lesson to never be the mean person who starts rumors about others. |
Anonymous
| I think your plan to ride it out is smart, and really the only way. Drama about the drama ends up feeding into it more, a mild response isn’t what these girls are looking for so they will move on. Also strengthening connections with any non school friends over the next weeks in case things do get weird with her friend group . |
Anonymous
| Why would the principal call you about rumors? |
Anonymous
Yes exactly. This situation is exactly why our 10th grader is not allowed to have Social on my phone. Oh - by the way, if you are paying the monthly bill, your children do not have a phone. |
Anonymous
Probably because there are concerns about bullying and cyber bullying. Rumors are one way of isolating and harassing people. It is possible that the rumors surrounding the daughter were unciovered when the school had to look at a different situation that had been reported to them. Speculation on my part but if the Principal said that the people spreading the rumors are known to them then this is a situation where the other kids are being investigated for other infractions and the school is able to try and nip this one in the bud. |
Anonymous
This kind of thing can drive a person to suicide or really unhealthy paths, especially someone who is least likely to do whatever the rumors say. Think of something you find abhorrent (racism, promiscuity, gossip, cheating at school, theft...) and how awful you'd feel if random people said you were doing that just so they could get a kick out of the fallout. This starts really early and kids compete to be on the good side of gossip mongers. At this point we are better off to try and raise kids who can process this and care less about this kind of junk. |
Anonymous
What OP can do is delete all social media apps from DD’s phone and get her unhooked. |
Anonymous
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Have you ever heard of the British comedienne Sarah Millican? She's a bit risque, but hilarious. The bit that might help your daughter starts about 3:49.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN8SeZ-T7rw |