How to care less about clutter

[Anonymous]

I am unusually bothered by visual clutter, which I usually solve by tidying and picking up — abandoned socks get tossed in the hamper, books get shelved or neatly stacked by the stairs for someone to put away, etc. But now I am Very Very Pregnant and it’s hard to bend over, I don’t want to demand my husband and kids help tidy to my satisfaction because 1) it’s a me problem 2) DH works very hard and I don’t want to create more work for him, and 3) getting the kids to do the part they really ARE responsible for is already like pulling teeth. (I do always ask everyone to pull their age-appropriate weight in keeping our house reasonably neat, but I figure anything beyond that is the responsibility of the person who actually cares about it, ie me.)

So: any tips on how to care less about whether there’s Stuff Where It Doesn’t Belong? Putting this in this forum because DH noticed me getting stressed out about it yesterday and spent a while picking up things I was slow and achy at, which I really appreciate, but I want to chill out about it so he doesn’t have to do it for his neurotic wife.

[Anonymous]

I mean, pick a neurosis here. You can work on not being bothered by clutter or you can work on having enough self worth to believe people should help you when you’re super pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I find clutter tends to snowball with cluttered areas attracting even more clutter until it feels overwhelming to clean it all up.

I'd find a way to stay on top of the clutter, even if that's just you putting it all in a pile and asking others to put away everything in the pile. I tend to put things that belong upstairs on the foot of the stairs and ask the kids to carry up all their stuff on the stairs before bed every night. I have them declutter their room, mostly dirty laundry, before bed every night too.

[Anonymous]

I hate clutter and have the same issue. I have no problem telling DH that I expect him to pick up after himself. I don't consider that as creating more work for him; rather, if he leaves a mess then he's acting inconsiderate and I'm just calling him to task.

[Anonymous]

How about coming up with guidelines. Maybe it is ok to leave a book out while reading it...but maybe only 1 at a time If laundry day is Saturday, all socks =need to be in the hamper on Friday.

[Anonymous]

This is a really interesting take, OP. I hate clutter too, and I teach my kids to clean up after themselves. Stray socks, whoever put it there needs to pick it up. Books left laying around, whoever left them needs to put them away. Dh too, yes even a hard-working dh. Especially if I'm pregnant, I expect the other people in my house to step it up. I don't have any suggestions because I don't see anything wrong with those expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate clutter and have the same issue. I have no problem telling DH that I expect him to pick up after himself. I don't consider that as creating more work for him; rather, if he leaves a mess then he's acting inconsiderate and I'm just calling him to task.

+everyone should pick up after themselves.

[Anonymous]

Oh god, this is also my kryptonite. If you figure it out, let me know. I have tried solving it with bins and a labelmaker, and I've tried solving it with therapy and meditation. I still get twitchy at the pile of random crap that accumulates on the dining table every single day no matter what.

[Anonymous]

A 2 year old can pick up socks and books, OP. Discipline means "to learn" in latin, it doesn't mean to punish. So help your kids with discipline now by setting up to five minutes each day (I use music - the length of two songs), twice a day for the kids to see how many things they can put in their correct spots in that time frame. Five minutes is not a lot of time, but a lot can be done. And god forbid you tripped and fell while pregnant because something wasn't put away? Unacceptable. EVEN A TWO YEAR OLD.

[Anonymous]

"Please pick that up"
"Please help me carry this"
"Please put this away"

[Anonymous]

I solved this by having a cleaning person once a week. I tell the kids if they don't find a spot for their stuff thats not the floor or a random surface, it will get put somewhere they wont find it. Same goes for me and my random clutter. We spend 30 min on Sundays putting stuff away but they have gotten better about it overall as well. After a couple months of "Larla hid my such and such toy". Well no "you didn't find a good place for the toy so Larla put it where she thought it belongs, which is not where you like it".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, pick a neurosis here. You can work on not being bothered by clutter or you can work on having enough self worth to believe people should help you when you’re super pregnant.

This. Socks go in the hamper. If dh isn’t around, have the kids do it. Take charge, woman!

[Anonymous]

I’d hold firm with the kids- I don’t allow their stray clutter in the common rooms. They are called back until they pick it up and put it away or where it belongs, as many times as needed until they do it all. On the other hand, I’m lax about their bedrooms. If messy I just shut the door- and here and there I make them clean/organize (when it gets really awful).

For DH I just throw his stuff in a basket or bin. Get one for every room or area. Obviously can’t order him around like the kids lol. If pregnant I’d have the kids bend down to pick the stuff up and throw it in his bins. If an area of his is really really bothering me or one of his bins is overflowing, I ask him nicely to take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe have tidy time at a set time, like before bed or before leaving for the day? That way you know that tidyness will be coming and that the clutter won't be there forever.

I think some of the clutter problem is not knowing where stuff goes or not having a home for it. Is that a problem you can solve?

[Anonymous]

if you are the dinner cooker, dinner doesn't happen until things are put away.

if kids are older, no tv or playing with friends or whatever until they do x y z.