Can I offer to help without offending?

[Anonymous]

My DD’s class has a big field trip next month and the PTA raised some funds for it, but each family is also being asked to pay an additional $300 per kid. We live in a pretty affluent area but my DD’s best friend’s family is struggling right now and she called my DD crying that she can’t go on the trip. Her mom told her she can’t go because it’s too far away, but I am pretty sure it’s the cost. From what I know her DD is the only kid not going.

I would be happy to give or lend her family some money so she can go (she is an awesome kid who spends a lot of time at our house), but I am very worried I would just offend her parents and make it awkward.

Is there any way to try to help or do I just need to stay out of it?

[Anonymous]

Try talking to the principal and ask if you can supply funds anonymously for a scholarship for this particular situation.

Principals and PTAs sometimes subsidize kids but they have to know there's an issue and it's usually kept on the down low so nobody is humiliated.

[Anonymous]

Call the school and pay for her. They can tell her she’s covered.

[Anonymous]

Parents might not want others to know they are in a bad place if you live in an affluent neighborhood, and you only know because your kids are friends. School calling to tell them there is a handout could backfire for the DD.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my daughter is skipping her 8th grade trip this year because she’s terrified she will sleepwalk while there after a sort of traumatic sleepwalking event this past summer where she got hurt at an unfamiliar place. We are allowing her to skip the trip. We have told the school she won’t be going because we aren’t comfortable with her being that far away without us, which is a partial truth. It would be super awkward if someone assumed we were lying and even more awkward if the reason they thought we were lying is because we couldn’t afford it.

[Anonymous]

You should reach out to the teacher instead.

Tell the teacher you want to cover the friend’s trip. Then the teacher can privately reach out to the family to say an anonymous donor set up funds so all the kids can go on the field trip—and reassure them that no one who is a scholarship kid and who is self funded.

If the cost is the problem, your daughter will hear from her friend that the parents changed their minds. If it’s something else, the friend still might not be able to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should reach out to the teacher instead.

Tell the teacher you want to cover the friend’s trip. Then the teacher can privately reach out to the family to say an anonymous donor set up funds so all the kids can go on the field trip—and reassure them that no one who is a scholarship kid and who is self funded.

If the cost is the problem, your daughter will hear from her friend that the parents changed their minds. If it’s something else, the friend still might not be able to go.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should reach out to the teacher instead.

Tell the teacher you want to cover the friend’s trip. Then the teacher can privately reach out to the family to say an anonymous donor set up funds so all the kids can go on the field trip—and reassure them that no one who is a scholarship kid and who is self funded.

If the cost is the problem, your daughter will hear from her friend that the parents changed their minds. If it’s something else, the friend still might not be able to go.

Some people will still say no. If it's money problems in this kind of neighborhood they will not accept having their child paid for like a handout.

Let it go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. There could be other reasons. It would be absolutely humiliating to accept your friend’s parents’ handouts. Then they would feel obligated to repay in some way.

This sounds like a very expensive trip anyway and it’s not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Put cash in their mailbox in an unmarked envelope with a note “for field trip”.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I rarely disagree with dcum so much. I don’t think it’s being a good friend to spread this to the school staff. What, they’re going to go to the mom and say “we heard you can’t afford this from the gossip mill and someone wants to pay your way?”

If you’re friends with the mom, you can call her and say you heard the daughter isn’t going and you’d like to cover her if it would help. I would probably say something like “I realize I’m being intrusive, and if this offends you I’m really sorry” or something like that.

There are worse things that stuff being awkward sometimes. It’s okay to just let it be awkward if you think it’s worth a try.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't name a name but you could say that you understand some kids might not be able to afford the field trip and that you'd like to donate to the field trip fund. I'm surprised the teacher hasn't set one up already. Even at affluent schools there are always a couple families that need help for field trips and there's always additional money for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should reach out to the teacher instead.

Tell the teacher you want to cover the friend’s trip. Then the teacher can privately reach out to the family to say an anonymous donor set up funds so all the kids can go on the field trip—and reassure them that no one who is a scholarship kid and who is self funded.

If the cost is the problem, your daughter will hear from her friend that the parents changed their minds. If it’s something else, the friend still might not be able to go.

This.

+1. Best idea.

[Anonymous]

Is this public school? There are often additional funds available for school trips, families do need to request to access. Maybe you could do legwork to find out if that is an option first then privately reach out to parent with fyi type info in case useful info for them or anyone they know

[Anonymous]

Np. Just wanted to say thank you to op for even being aware of this. I was a kid who wouldn’t have been able to go on a trip such as this and it’s very generous of you to look out for others. Thank you.