S/O Happiness after 50 post
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Anonymous
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I guess I'm feeling a bit differently. I'm seeing my child heading off to college and will no longer be living at home. At some point I'm going to have to share them with a partner. All of that's a good thing and I'm happy and excited to see what the future holds for them. But I am (inwardly and won't show to them) devastated at them leaving. I feel like their childhood is over (b/c it is) and I can't protect them and have them close. I genuinely enjoy my child as a person and I'm going to miss them tremendously.
It's not that I fear being alone with my spouse but going back to that much 1:1 alone time with him is a little overwhelming. We have alone time now but it feels like it's going to be hard to go back to pre-child DINK life. Having had the benefit of our kid, the pre-kid life is not the ideal anymore. I like the bustle of things to do, having people here, having my kid's friends in/out . . . I also kind of feel like . . . 2/3 of my life is kind of over. I'm feeling mortality. Friends and family are dying and receiving health diagnoses. People are dispersing to retire. I feel like my "tribe" is dissipating. I'm def feeling down, unhappy, stressed about the big changes coming at me. Did anyone else feel that way? Or did? How did you deal? I'm not prone to depression but maybe it's a little of it setting in? |
Anonymous
| It was definitely a passage for us when we launched our third when I was about 54. But I had a job I really enjoyed and that kept me very busy, but the job had a lot of flexibility which allowed me to take long weekend trips with my husband plus pursue art and community interests. I love my kids but my life wasn’t completely focused on them though I was well within their orbit. The emptiness of the house initially drove me crazy but I got use to it. My husband and I had a great relationship so I wasn’t worried about being one on one with him all the time. In fact, being an empty nester really improved our sex life. I think the key was having a very busy schedule and no time to feel abandoned. Now my kids are married and we have little grandchildren and it’s a whole new wonderful phase and I’m busier than ever. |
Anonymous
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Your child is heading off to college ... where? This is a new chapter of their new life, you'll want to be familiar with their new chapter. Travel and have a meal with them. Let them show you their favorite things. Stay far from campus obviously, and find your own adventures - explore the state. See if there are other people you'd like to connect with. Solo or w/DH.
Their world is opening. Yours can too. You can not assume that they will be happy to always be traveling back to you. Go to them! |
Anonymous
| 11:30 again. All of ours went out of state to different areas of the country. Areas I really didn't know. Now I do. I feel a connection to parts of the US I didn't know before. Visited big and small cities, islands, state parks, historic sites. |
Anonymous
| I’m 64 and loved raising my kids. Now I am loving being a grandmother and making so many memories with them as well as my kids and their spouses. So many fun trips, sleepovers and play dates. I became a recent widow and I am sad their grandfather, who they adored, is gone. It’s just another phase of life OP. Congratulations to your son!!! The world is his future! |
Anonymous
I was not prepared when my oldest moved out. I felt like I died. It took me a year to recover. When my second one left I did much better. He was so ready. On the way home after dropping him off my husband said we could walk around naked now. LOL. Not me. The quiet settled into finding hobbies. Junk shop furniture redone. It was fun and time consuming. Good hobby. When my husband retired he was with me 24/7. I was not used to him being here all the time. We found things to do together. Once a week we chose a place to go and learned to be one again. Not a date, just to do something we never had time to do. Like walking in the mall. We haven't done that in many years. His transition was harder. He had been working since he was 13. All he knew was work. I have to say it's been interesting. |
Anonymous
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DH and I are trying to not be too visibly excited about emptying our nest. We’re launching two this fall. We adopted DS as a young teen and this is the most stability he has ever had. We don’t want to want to imply that we’re tired of having him around or that he isn’t welcome.
NGL: It’s going to feel so good being able to focus on just ourselves/each other most of the time. At the same time, family and friends are dying so it’ll be sad to not have all of the regular celebrations of young parenthood as an excuse to gather. |
Anonymous
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In the last two years, much of DCUM seems to have made a shift from DD and DS to DC and "they/them" in the last two years. (as well as from DH/DW to "spouse" etc)
I get it, but it does bother me some, because I do think that--while there are exceptions-- in a lot of situations, knowing the gender relationship is helpful. I'm on a parent FB page for a military academy and they are still in the DD and DS mode. So, one thing I've noticed from my FB page is that (generally speaking) the parents of departing kids seem to suffer much more when it's a mother/son relationship. OP, if you don't mind sharing, is your DC a boy? Because (again, generally speaking) I feel like some of the advice would differ if we knew that. |
Anonymous
What a strange post. I don't think this is relevant whatsoever. |
Anonymous
| Yes I feel the same way. Mine launched and I feel deep grief. I'm happy for them and not sorry for myself, just miss the old life terribly. |
Anonymous
| The same happened to me, 3 years before I had ever anticipated, as my DC went to boarding school. I feel sort of depressed most days, I work remotely but don’t really feel like meeting up with other people like I used to. Hopefully this will pass, but so far it hasn’t. |
Anonymous
| Just face it. It’s a new chapter. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure why you found the need to post this. |