Helping a friend recover from a midlife, financial and mental health breakdown. Any stories of bouncing back?

[Anonymous]

Hi DCUM,
A dear old friend reached out to me. I am looking for stories of women at mid life, whose lives totally fall apart and how they build them back together. I’m asking for these stories so that I can draw on them to help my friend. I don’t know how this happened, but she is in financial ruin, lost her partner, and is trying to rebuild her life after a serious mental health crisis. I know DCUM readers will want lots of juicy details, but I don’t have them. The friend has is a low paying job and a reliable car. What can she draw on from here to rebuild her mental health, and find a way to move out from an abusive boyfriend? She hesitates because she is afraid to live in a shelter. Again, if you can share stories that are similar, I hope these might help me brainstorm solutions for her. I want to also add that I realize that mental health challenges which may or may not include addiction may make her situation extremely difficult.

[Anonymous]

Can she live with you?

[Anonymous]

I always think about Tina Turner in court getting a divorce from her husband and the judge saying are you sure, y you'll walk away with nothing. And she said "nothing but my name." And what she doesn't say is "and a fresh start."

I think about her confidence in herself, to rebuild her entire life. She was able to rebuild, and your friend can too.

[Anonymous]

The book Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler.

[Anonymous]

I almost picked up a book in the airport— I want to go back and buy it. The story of Steve Madden, the shoe designer. His story is a rags to riches to rags to riches story, with addiction and im sure mental health issues wolves throughout. I was looking for similar redemption stories.

I also follow the dc widow on instagram. She lost her husband to colon cancer at a young middle age with three kids and bounced back incredibly well. She’s happily remarried now.

[Anonymous]

Vienna Women's center will have resources

National center for domestic violence

Any domestic violence shelter will have resources, as these are the problems prevalent with their client base

FYI some shelters won't accept people who have "already left" (fleeing to some other temporary, non-sustainable. situation, failing to manage, and being desperate enough to go back to the abuser and getting abused more for leaving). So, getting the person OUT may be required for shelter and support/resources.

[Anonymous]

Op, once you can offer her resources, make sure her situation doesn't bring -you- down. You say you don't know how this happened - that's not insignificant

[Anonymous]

How long since you previously communicated with the dear old friend?
They could have addiction or debt issues too. Don't give them money you expect to get back. Don't be too quick to let them move in.

[Anonymous]

She lost her partner yet needs to move out from an abusive boyfriend?


I don’t believe this OP.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to all. I was hoping to find a story of someone who had a friend go through something like this, and put her life back together. The person above who outlined how shelters work was very helpful. I’ve talked with a few friends too. My next step is to talk with someone expert in the mental health services her state provides. I am fully aware addiction is likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She lost her partner yet needs to move out from an abusive boyfriend?


I don’t believe this OP.

That’s ok. It’s a message board. I don’t expect you to believe it. I know it’s true bc I’ve known this person a very long time. She simply spiraled in some way after losing her husband. There were big financial problems. I don’t know the particulars but this appears to be what happened.

[Anonymous]

OP - if you can find out the information for the local mental health agency in her area and how to contact to do in Intake Assessment it would be the first step on the mental health and possible substance abuse issues.

If she does not have health insurance, you might look online in her state to see if she can and how to apply for Medicaid online. Also see if you can find information on Free Health Clinics.
Also any information on nonprofits who work with abused women and/or women in transition needing the support or connection to services including finding a job and housing could be key. Having a support group
to attend regularly would let her know she is not alone.

Your friend may know what she needs but due to MH or SA May have real challenges in being able to follow through. I would also ask at the MH agency for the name/ website or phone if any day program or overnight
shelter options fir women. In our community there is a one page resource for those who are homeless with agencies, free meal options, shelters etc that you might try to locate for her. You will need to keep a realistic balance of what you can do.

[Anonymous]

What does this friend want from you? Why did she reach out?
Just be careful and don’t get sucked into other people’s mental health problems!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The book Life is in the Transitions by Bruce Feiler.

I know Bruce and he interviewed me for the book. He is incredible self absorbed and focused; most people can’t apply his experience for themselves.

[Anonymous]

I did this and it took about five years to rebuild. I’ll never get back to where I was though.