Why did my son do this?

[Anonymous]

My son will be starting at a new school and I've been introducing my son to a few kids who go to this new school..to help him establish friendships before school begins. I was thinking it would make him feel more comfortable to see familiar faces on his first day of school. So we had a play date today with a little boy and the kids decided to play hide and seek. In the middle of the play date my son found a piece of wood about a foot long and began to carry it around with him throughout the hide and seek game. He then said the piece of wood was his 'friend' and whoever was 'it' would also have to find the piece of wood. I tried my best to get him to drop that piece of wood but he clung to it. When the boys went on a four seater see saw, my son placed that piece of wood on the see saw and declared his 'friend' wanted to ride the seesaw too. Needless to say the mom of the other boy was completely dumbfounded, bewildered. She's a well educated mom, actually a research scientist, but I never told her about my son's issues. This is only the second time we've gotten together for play dates. IN the first play date dad accompanied us and facilitated much of the play between the boys. My son was much more comfortable in the first play date. When we came home I asked him why he pretended that piece of wood was his friend. He said 'because I don't have any friends and everybody else does.' Understandable that he's sad about not having friends but most children don't react this way. BTW, my son has been diagnosed with sensory, attention, and motor planning issues - all mild. Can someone tell me if their child does this also and why he's doing this? We are going to see a professional to discuss this but it will be weeks before we get in to see her.

[Anonymous]

How old is your son?

[Anonymous]

You don't say how old your son is and frankly, it probably doesn't matter. Really, you don't need to worry or even give this another thought. Kids do weird things. They say weird things. It just happens and you really can't do anything about it. And, unless it's a pattern and your child is clinging to the pattern when the result is that he is ostracized by the other kids because of the behavior, then I can't imagine that you have anything to worry about.

[Anonymous]

OP here, sorry I forgot to mention my child's age. He's six and a half, probably much too old to be doing things like this. He does do quirky things and it certainly has made it hard for him to keep friendships going. But this was probably the most quirkiest thing he's ever done with a play date.

[Anonymous]

21:02 here - it's definitely not the quirkiest thing I've seen from a 6.5 year old.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's outside the realm of normal for any 6 year old boy (or girl) NT or not. I think it was rude of the other kid's mom to make such a big deal out of it. I do think I would process it with your DS if the other child seemed put off by it, because that is a good teachable moment for social skills: "when you brought out the stick, Johnny seemed uncomfortable with it; did you notice that?". And then give examples of why he seemed out off--if he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't say how old your son is and frankly, it probably doesn't matter. Really, you don't need to worry or even give this another thought. Kids do weird things. They say weird things. It just happens and you really can't do anything about it. And, unless it's a pattern and your child is clinging to the pattern when the result is that he is ostracized by the other kids because of the behavior, then I can't imagine that you have anything to worry about.

I agree that unless this is a pattern, I wouldn't think too much about it. I don't think it's a bad thing to see a counselor because starting a new school can be very stressful, especially for a sensitive kid and if he's already feeling a bit friendless, it can be even more difficult. FWIW, my rising second grader talks about not having any friends and in January of last year he was so negative and down about it that we spoke to his teachers. They saw him happily playing with other kids, he wasn't shunned and he seemed socially typical. Yet, he persisted that he didn't have friends and no one liked him. After more investigation, we're coming to the conclusion that he's a sensitive kid and wants to be popular (don't we all) and that he's not really distinguishing between having friends and being popular. He also really only has one strategy when trying to insert himself in play and if that doesn't go the way he wants, he feels like a failure and doesn't know what else to do. I don't know if that is in any way typical of your DS but in other postings here, it doesn't seem to be uncommon. It sounds like you're doing a great job and everything you can. Your DS is very lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We just got home from sports practice for my older child where my 6.5 year old son carried around a stick he found there for 2 hours., refused to be parted from it, told everyone it was his only friend and tried to make the kids include sticky in the games. Sticky rode home with us and attempts were unsuccessfully made to have sticky sleep in child's bed. Personnally i''m drawing the line at making breakfast for sticky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's outside the realm of normal for any 6 year old boy (or girl) NT or not. I think it was rude of the other kid's mom to make such a big deal out of it. I do think I would process it with your DS if the other child seemed put off by it, because that is a good teachable moment for social skills: "when you brought out the stick, Johnny seemed uncomfortable with it; did you notice that?". And then give examples of why he seemed out off--if he did.

I agree with this. I don't think I would have had the same bewildered reaction as the kid's mom did. Six year olds do and say all kinds of quirky things.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you thank you thank you to all the PP's, not for saying that you don't think it is cause for serious concern, but for the kind words and empathy. I was so nervous about his behavior today that I couldn't go to sleep. 22:24, you seriously made tears roll down my cheek as well as made me laugh out loud. At that moment, I did think that I must be the only parent in the world who has a child who is behaving so quirky. I had no idea how to handle an awkward situation but in retrospect I should have employed your kind of humor. It would have put my son at ease and me at ease too. Sigh. I think I can sleep now. Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the land of quirky kids!!! I won't saddle you with more similar tales, especially so late in this thread. Suffice it to say that one of the hardest parts of having a kid with issues (at least for me), even mild ones, is the worry that they will be rejected by other kids. Very, very painful even to contemplate. But guess what? Even NT kids get rejected all the time ... it is part of growing up and they learn from each and every experience. Still no fun to watch and I could just strangle some of the kids' parents sometimes ... guess I'm still growing up too.

[Anonymous]

I think it has to do with emtional immaturity. This is something a much younger child would do it play. My child - also 6 - does things that are much "younger" during play. I don't know if there is really any "fix" for it though.

As a parent, I wouldn't be bewildered or anything if I saw a child do something like this unless of course it became violent in some way.

[Anonymous]

last Sat in tennis class my 6.5-yo son twice 'trapped' a 5-yo girl while trying to get her attention and talk to her - the first time with a racket in one hand and trapped her against the net, the other time with both arms stretched out to the wall.

the second 'incident' happened when both her parents were watching and standing about 5 feet from me. i almost shit my pants. they could've thought he's going to hurt or attack her but stayed cool and said nothing.

yes he has issues but i don't think that has anything to do with his behavior that day. he's just, well, quirky.

[Anonymous]

My son continued to make imaginary friends of objects for a long time and still often says no one is his friend despite evidence to the contrary! I have to remind him otherwise.

He got the entire 3rd grade to play with an equivalent "sticky" with many made-up adventures until a group got bored and rebelled after Christmas. I finally got him to quit so the kids could move on to something else - but he fired up everyone's imagination for a good long stretch.

What your son did was normal when a kid is still trying to have friends and it's hard to make that happen. Use the humor and the imagination - folks love a good story. And sometimes a "sticky" can actually help break the ice.

This past year, he (and they) outgrew it and found new games to play.

[Anonymous]

OP,
This is actually an incredibly creative way to deal with social anxieties. He's channeling his nervousness, exacerbated by the new friends, into play. Some children would act out in less constructive ways. I hope you can finds ways to tap into this well of creative, positive problem solving. Maybe the next time you get together you should provide more structure since that worked so well when his dad did it? Also, is he verbal? Discuss these anxieties with him, tell him everyone, even grownups, feel funny when they're getting to know people.