Where did your tween girl make friends?
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Anonymous
| Feel like we’ve tried everything - 7th grade DD - adhd and just diagnosed autistic (neuropsych said Asperger’s if it still existed - which was the diagnosis' of many relatives). Very social, decently athletic, goes to very very small school. Feel like we’ve done every activity on earth - but school is tiny, one sport has produced a friend or two, but she’s asking to find a way to meet more girls her age - she is very good 1:1, harder time in a group, very smart, contemplating school change for high school but at least 18 months from that ….she does play an instrument, enjoys art, loves animals … send me all the ways your tween like this found success …. |
Anonymous
| No luck here so far, but I would encourage a big high school. |
Anonymous
| My similar daughter made a couple friends in our church youth group. Needs to be something that is long term and consistent. |
Anonymous
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Bigger school for sure.
It sounds like she is socially motivated but maybe not socially skilled enough to make many friends her age. I would try meds, if you haven't yet, and 1:1 social skills coaching. |
Anonymous
Meds for years, therapy, did several years of social Skills groups, lots of different sports … Only recently did the social really click - Church youth group is a great idea … maybe even Sunday school… |
Anonymous
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She plays an instrument. Get her ready for band. If she doesn't play a band instrument, that's okay. They always need percussionists.
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Anonymous
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Theater
Girl Scouts Dungeons and dragons school club Community service club I was going to add martial arts and library chess club, but those haven't produced friendships, more like acquaintances who do activities together. Now that I write it out, the ones that have formed friendships seem to have the common theme of needing to work together to accomplish something. The other activities are good, too, but she is not creating strong bonds there and kids come and go Being in a big middle school has been a help for the quirky kids to find each other. |
Anonymous
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Theater
Speech/debate (depending on ability) volunteer/teen library advisory groups girl's rock camp |
Anonymous
| Where do you live, OP? Having similar issues with my 6th grade daughter with ADHD. She wants friends so, so badly. |
Anonymous
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Definitely theater.
If you can’t move her to a bigger school, enroll her in a local theater group that gets together multiple times a week after school. |
Anonymous
| Horseback riding |
Anonymous
| Our DDs sound very similar. For her, it was summer camp (Camp Akeela in Vermont) and theater camp and classes. |
Anonymous
| These are great ideas!! She does a few of them already and has a onesie or twosie friend from them. We’ve never tried theater - I’ve suggested that really good theater camp (blanking on its name) several times and she’s said no but maybe a class to start would be a better intro |
Anonymous
| Also since we are being honest and this forum is so open - one of my challenges is she can be intolerant of others with challenges - she can find kids who are very talkative, interrupting, impulsive very frustrating (though she can be similar). The newest phase in seventh is wanting to be more like the cool girls … tween hood is very hard |
Anonymous
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Girl Scouts, especially summer camp, and theater (in a behind-the-scenes role). Also D&D club.
She needed an activity to take the spotlight off of herself and her feelings of awkwardness. But it had to be one that both required her to interact with other kids, and also allowed for side conversations that could turn into friendships as they connected over mutual interests. So things like hiking and canoeing, volunteer work, painting sets, developing D&D characters all fit the bill. GS summer camps were her happy place for many years, and it eventually turned into a summer job. It helps that as they get older, the girls who stick with it tend to be the less status- and image-conscious ones, or at least able to let go of that in the summers. Things just tend to be pretty relaxed at camp, and in many ways the girls seem to kind of embrace the quirks. I’d suggest looking for a place yours could apply her art skills to set-building, either for a school production or a local community theater group. My DD has found that the “tech” kids are very different from the acting kids, and they even joke among themselves about how “extra” the actors are. But I’ve seen some who do eventually get the bug and make the leap to acting as they get comfortable in the theater environment. |