HS freshman boy - extracurriculars
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Anonymous
| We can’t get this kid to engage with any school activities. He plays soccer on a low key club team that practices twice a week but he’s not interested in trying out for HS soccer (too competitive, “I’ll never make it”), can’t get him interested in no cut sports (he’s athletic but has an excuse for everything we suggest), not interested in any clubs for various reasons. He has ADHD and a touch of anxiety and has always been a kid that needs some downtime. He’s getting great grades in tough classes but he has to really work for it. He leaves the house at 6:55 AM, gets home at 4 PM. Relaxes for a couple hours, family dinner around 6, homework around 7 -9. If he’s done earlier he’ll play some video games or watch a show with us. He’s also teaching himself guitar. He has a job lined up for summer. He has good friends that he hangs out with on the weekends. He’s a good kid but I worry about 1) him not having a full/connected HS experience and 2)huge gap in college applications. What does DCUM think? |
Anonymous
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Are you treating the ADHD? My son was able to do much more after school when merely holding it together for the school day didn't take so much energy?
Is he interested in playing guitar in a band? |
Anonymous
| It's true. He probably wouldn't make the HS soccer team. I wouldn't force him to get on a no-cut sport, but you should tell him he needs to pick one or two clubs to try out this year at school -- geography club, ping pong club, sports analytics club, baking club, math club, etc. |
Anonymous
| Seems like he’s doing ok if he has an outside soccer team, is interested in guitar and has a summer job from a college perspective. DD only had chorus and that wasn’t even until late HS. Sure the top 20 schools want strong ECs but that expectation isn’t met by playing on a school team or joining a club. I definitely understand wanting him to be more engaged with a school activity having been in your shoes but some kids are just not interested and I’ve learned you really can’t force it. |
Anonymous
| He's thriving, except for the pressure his mother is putting on him to do more. Back off. He's doing plenty. A sport and an instrument is plenty. |
Anonymous
| I would give him more opportunities to do something with the guitar - like school of rock or similar. But otherwise he sounds busy enough. |
Anonymous
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He sounds exactly like my DS, except sub soccer for a more frequent sport. Medicated with ADHD. He’s fine and is doing what he needs to do.
Make sure he has regular responsibilities in the home and yard. |
Anonymous
| OP here. He is medicated. Not interested in playing a band or even performing, just enjoys playing guitar for himself. He has interests but they just don’t translate easily into “activities”. And he’s more a consumer related to his interest vs a producer. For example, he enjoys theater but doesn’t want to do theater (on stage or backstage). He’s interested in reading and learning about the law, forensics, etc but not interested in checking out mock trial. It’s a combo of being an introvert and anxiety - like the suggestion that he just show up to a mock trial meeting is the most outrageous thing he’s ever heard. He’s a kid that has always needed a little push - I’m trying to back off but am just worried if this is absolute wrong time to back off. |
Anonymous
| He plays soccer on a team, plays guitar in his spare time, and has a job lined up? And he’s working hard at school and getting good grades? I’m sorry, I don’t see any problem here. |
Anonymous
| What about volunteering? Can he take his guitar down to the senior center and play during lunch for the residents? Can he referee younger kids’ soccer or help coach/direct and help out with practice? |
Anonymous
Agree with this! He sounds like a great kid - enjoy him! |
Anonymous
| He’s only a freshman. He has plenty of time to do other things. If school is already taking a lot of his mental energy - adding more activities is just young to take from that not add to it, and his grades are likely to slip. I’ve seen it happen, where kids have long daily sports practices and then end up skipping their first period class to make up rest/quiet time. Not worth it! |
Anonymous
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He sounds like a great kid. The only thing I’d ask is how much screen time is he averaging and can you limit it?
The phone is the path of least resistance for teens and as long as they can hide in their room and spend time on their phone , they are not going to be motivated to do much |
Anonymous
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He's doing well and still discovering his interests. At my kids' high school, there are many clubs that meet during lunchtime.
Maybe he would consider joining one of those if they're offered at his HS? |
Anonymous
I'm team Let Him Be as well. He sounds like he's doing great! He's only a freshman, things can (and probably will) change. Don't discount the part-time job on college applications, they count as extracurriculars as well. Although please don't choose *everything* in his life at this point on what looks good on college applications. |