Parents of adult children with mental illness

[Anonymous]

If your DC had first onset in college and had to take a leave of absence, were they able to return to college? If so, what was their path in doing so? Were they successful in completing their degree? Any tips or insights for new parents?

So appreciate this DCUM forum.

TIA.

[Anonymous]

I recently listened to a NAMI speaker who had graduated college. She experienced first episode bipolar and left university twice and returned twice and did finish. It was a US student at a foreign university, so legal rights circumstances and rights were a bit different.

My DCs had mental health issues in HS, so when they enrolled at college, they went to disability services for accommodations, etc., but, knock wood, they haven't experienced episodes debilitating enough to have to leave university (although they one has come close). I know one student diagnosed with serious mental illness in a top 5 school - they took a semester off and returned and graduated and got a great job. I know another student w/ MI in a top five professional grad school. And, I know another student who attempted suicide at an Ivy League school, but ultimately graduated.

All that's just to say, many kids struggle with mental health challenges at university. You and your adult child are not alone, many people recover and go on to finish, although that can look a million different ways - stay w/ accoms, take time off and return, go part time, switch schools, etc.

Has your DC signed a healthcare POA so that you can get info about them and help if they deteriorate too much to manage on their own? Has DC told professors about illness and asked for extensions? Have you or DC approached Disability Services to get accommodations? Have you and DC read the university policies on taking incompletes or withdrawing? Did you have any tuition insurance? (We buy it after reading the policy carefully to make sure mental illness was not excluded.)

Obviously, your kid's health is more important than finishing the semester or degree, but IME what stresses students even more is to think that having a mental illness will prevent them from accomplishing their goals. And, staying home, in your childhood room with your parents, not doing much while all your friends are away and moving on isn't exactly a recipe for health.

So, it's good to offer a range of options and emphasize that everyone hits bumps in life. Some people get mental illness. Some people get mono, have a bad accident or family tragedy. Whatever happens, it's important to take time to cope and if one has to "step off the path" for a bit, it's not the end of the world. There are many good treatments for all kinds of mental illnesses.

As a parent, you might want to look at the NAMI Family to Family class - it can be done online and will educate you about the major mental illnesses and issues surrounding treatment and life.

You and your DC will get through this!

[Anonymous]

Yes, missed first semester due to major episode. We were worried about DC going back for the spring semester (on better medication by that point), but it went well. DC still in college, still taking meds. There are typical stupid college choices, but grades are good, DC is happy, and they are taking their meds.

I could go on and on about the situation- I have many fears and concerns - but ultimately DC has to want to manage their own condition. At this point, DC really wants to be at college, they realize they need to take their meds to be able to manage that, so they do. I hope DC continues to take their meds, and I am working hard to remind myself it’s out of my control how DC manages things, that my job is to be a steady presence and helpful resource as needed.