Has your child experienced burnout and was able to recover from it?

[Anonymous]

DD, 13, still says she loves her main sport but isn’t nearly as enthusiastic about it as a couple of years ago. She says she’s very stressed out about competing.

We’re obviously giving her a break but hoping she can bounce back.
She plays 2 other sports but isn’t nearly as good in them as her main sport.

[Anonymous]

My 16 yo son has in soccer though I’d describe it more as stress/performance anxiety than burnout. He has taken breaks as a result and each time comes back more motivated and mentally tougher. But he needs time off to reevaluate and gain perspective. His longest break was a year in middle school. He had a second break in HS but it lasted just a few months. From day 1, we have let him drive all decisions (breaks, teams, outside training) even when we had our doubts. We just remind him that we love him whether he keeps playing or not, whether he is on a top travel team or a rec team, whether he wins or loses, whether he plays varsity or JV, and whether he starts or sits on the bench. We just want him to enjoy playing. I wish more clubs/teams focused on the mental side of sports because I think anxiety results in a lot of kids quitting and hinders performance which then causes a spiral in confidence. It’s a vicious cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo son has in soccer though I’d describe it more as stress/performance anxiety than burnout. He has taken breaks as a result and each time comes back more motivated and mentally tougher. But he needs time off to reevaluate and gain perspective. His longest break was a year in middle school. He had a second break in HS but it lasted just a few months. From day 1, we have let him drive all decisions (breaks, teams, outside training) even when we had our doubts. We just remind him that we love him whether he keeps playing or not, whether he is on a top travel team or a rec team, whether he wins or loses, whether he plays varsity or JV, and whether he starts or sits on the bench. We just want him to enjoy playing. I wish more clubs/teams focused on the mental side of sports because I think anxiety results in a lot of kids quitting and hinders performance which then causes a spiral in confidence. It’s a vicious cycle.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Anonymous]

Yes, DD became a strong swimmer and then around the end of her junior year decided she didn't like the way swim made her arms look and didn't like all the pressure from her team and coaches to apply for swim teams in college. They kept assuring her she would make a team, and she kept trying to say that wasn't her hesitation, but felt like they weren't hearing her. So she quit swimming. We told her that was totally fine, but she had to do SOMETHING physical to move her body on a multiple-times-a-week basis. During her sophomore year of college, during midterms she got stressed and went seeking out a pool to do some laps. Now she swims to de-stress and think, and considers it her calm place.

[Anonymous]

DS is in high school and always had his main sport where he completed at a high level and then sometimes, depending on the year, had a secondary. He was all in for the main one and loved it but it was all consuming. There was one through most years in elementary school and he dropped it by 5th grade to pick up two new sports. We thought he would go back but never did. He went all in for one of those for several years and played up until this year, then told us he was done. The time commitment in HS got to be too much. We don’t think he will go back since it’s a team sport and not a lifetime sport you can play as an adult. We think he will find something again based on his pattern but it’s hard to back off and give him space. We are doing that now and he’s not that active at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is in high school and always had his main sport where he completed at a high level and then sometimes, depending on the year, had a secondary. He was all in for the main one and loved it but it was all consuming. There was one through most years in elementary school and he dropped it by 5th grade to pick up two new sports. We thought he would go back but never did. He went all in for one of those for several years and played up until this year, then told us he was done. The time commitment in HS got to be too much. We don’t think he will go back since it’s a team sport and not a lifetime sport you can play as an adult. We think he will find something again based on his pattern but it’s hard to back off and give him space. We are doing that now and he’s not that active at the moment.

Did he pick up other activities as sports dropped down?

[Anonymous]

Who cares OP

It’s her life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is in high school and always had his main sport where he completed at a high level and then sometimes, depending on the year, had a secondary. He was all in for the main one and loved it but it was all consuming. There was one through most years in elementary school and he dropped it by 5th grade to pick up two new sports. We thought he would go back but never did. He went all in for one of those for several years and played up until this year, then told us he was done. The time commitment in HS got to be too much. We don’t think he will go back since it’s a team sport and not a lifetime sport you can play as an adult. We think he will find something again based on his pattern but it’s hard to back off and give him space. We are doing that now and he’s not that active at the moment.

Did he pick up other activities as sports dropped down?

In the past, he’s always picked up an other sport or other physical activity like weight lifting on his own. Right now he’s not doing much physical activity but has been volunteering and has been applying to part time jobs. Physical activity has been part of his life forever because he enjoyed it so I’m hoping he picks up something again in the future. Right now he’s talking about different college options with academics and those sorts of plans. It’s a big shift for all of us but I hear it’s more common than I thought.

[Anonymous]

My daughter felt burned out by her primary sport at age 13 as well, in part because she felt the stress of competition was too much. She stopped completely for about 6 months and put more energy into another sport/activity. Eventually she missed it and started to work out again on her own, for her own enjoyment.

When high school started, she went all in on the primary sport. With new coaches and teammates, she was completely re-inspired. The competitive pressure is much higher now and we did end up getting her some help dealing with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares OP

It’s her life

OP here. I honestly don’t care that much for her to be an elite athlete in her main sport as much as I care about her having something she’s passionate about and something that gives her a sense of purpose other than academics. The problem is that she is shying away from anything that requires her to put in more hard work and focus that’s beyond her comfort zone.

She really isn’t passionate about anything and it she quits sports, I don’t want her to be one of these girls who just hangs out at the mall.

[Anonymous]

As a parent I agree with OP that I would love my teenagers to feel passionate and challenged by an activity - sports, theater, music - whatever it is that inspires them.
However I don’t think this is realistic for many teens (adults too).

If it develops naturally and sticks - great. But if it’s something a teen feels they’re expected to be (passionate! About something) well, we all know how that dynamic plays out. Usually not well.

My 15 yr old DD recently quit a sport she had done since 2nd grade. I think she was a little burned out, but also just outgrew it. She wanted to spend her time doing teen-girl stuff besides sports (I wish I could say she was volunteering or picking up a new sport, or that she now misses old sport). I desperately miss her playing this sport.
But I support her deciding what to do with her time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent I agree with OP that I would love my teenagers to feel passionate and challenged by an activity - sports, theater, music - whatever it is that inspires them.
However I don’t think this is realistic for many teens (adults too).

If it develops naturally and sticks - great. But if it’s something a teen feels they’re expected to be (passionate! About something) well, we all know how that dynamic plays out. Usually not well.

My 15 yr old DD recently quit a sport she had done since 2nd grade. I think she was a little burned out, but also just outgrew it. She wanted to spend her time doing teen-girl stuff besides sports (I wish I could say she was volunteering or picking up a new sport, or that she now misses old sport). I desperately miss her playing this sport.
But I support her deciding what to do with her time.

It’s hard for kids to separate their desire to continue from their parents’ desire to continue, so it’s great that you support her decision. I know much younger kids that are forced to continue a sport that they have lost their enjoyment of because of their parents’ expectations. Which ultimately harms the parent/child relationship, not to mention the child’s sense of independence and ownership.

[Anonymous]

My daughter got burned out after making varsity (on an extremely competitive team) her freshman year. She spent the summer deciding whether to play again and with some tears and obvious relief, decided she was done with that sport. We made her choose another activity - any activity - to keep her from lounging all day after school and she chose track. It’s been great. She does team and individual events and two years in is still trying new events.

[Anonymous]

That's around the time a lot of kids experience burnout and stop completely. It's not something you should continue pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD, 13, still says she loves her main sport but isn’t nearly as enthusiastic about it as a couple of years ago. She says she’s very stressed out about competing.

We’re obviously giving her a break but hoping she can bounce back.
She plays 2 other sports but isn’t nearly as good in them as her main sport.

One of her other sports may fill the gap. I was a competitive figure skater but got burnt out and had a stress fracture that just wouldn't heal. I took a year off to try other sports and get away from the repetitive motion that was causing pain. Then, I found I missed figure skating and went back, knowing/accepting for the first time that the Olympics weren't in the cards. I enjoyed my last few years just doing it for the love of the sport and ended on a high note.