Doesn’t want that time with him

[Anonymous]

My MIL lives about 10 hours away and visits my husband and we see her about once or twice a year.

She stays with us for 3-4 nights. I usually join my husband and his mother for day outings and meals but I always like to give his mother that special one on one time with her son.

Well whenever I don’t join an activity or a meal she always asks my husband why I’m not there and says it bothers her.

I am truly sooo confused by this she only sees her son once or twice a year wouldn’t she cherish and want that alone time with him?

On here the general consensus seems to be to make sure you give your spouse and their parent that one on one time and also I would think most MILs would be upset if their DIL was around every time she interacted with her son.

I like my MIL a lot and we do talk on the phone here and there but I’m not understanding why she wouldn’t want the opportunity to be alone with her son.

I know my mom cherishes that alone time with me.

[Anonymous]

And you can't talk to her -- and let her know that Saturday lunch is just for her and her son......???

I just never understand why people don't communicate their thoughts -- just expect people to mind read?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you can't talk to her -- and let her know that Saturday lunch is just for her and her son......???

I just never understand why people don't communicate their thoughts -- just expect people to mind read?!?!

Both my husband and I have said, “Larla I’m going to sit this meal/activity out as I want to give you and your son time to catch up and have that quality one on one time together.”

My husband has mentioned to her as well that this time is important to him.

But she sees it as me being distant.

Which is just so odd to me.

Also before anyone asks about a partner in the picture. She was married to my husband’s father but they divorced about 15 years ago and now she is single not dating or anything.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she likes you as much as her son. My MIL spent more time with me because she loved to talk and my husband is pretty quiet.

[Anonymous]

I guess she values the time with you too.

Though my MIL would see me not wanting to spend every minute with her as a slight. Not because she actually wanted to spend every minute with ME, but she wants me to feel obligated to spend that time with her. She's in general a difficult person who is sometimes more concerned with checking a box (DIL, present) than in fostering real and healthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

So, you assume she wants one-on-one time with DH.

She assumes she should be spending time with both of you.

How about you ASK her if she wants one-on-one time?

No one is wrong or weird here, just making assumptions without discussing them.