Staying home for the first 3-4 years

[Anonymous]

Anyone stay home for the first few years even though it was big sacrifice financially? I don't think not will be a sacrifice personally and TBH it might save us money because I'll adjust to cooking more at home and cleaning myself vs now we have expendable income.

None of our friends have stayed home and we don't have any examples. I work overnights so I'd have to be gone all night and then have help so I can sleep during the day and I just don't think I'll be okay with that time split vs when she is in school anyway during the day I can sleep then and pick her up and have the afternoons and evenings. A little more than half my salary would go towards childcare and that just doesn't seem worth it for us. I can also try to shift some of my work to virtual and try to make up some income that way.

I just know if I bring this up to our friends they will say I'm crazy and to just stick it out. But in my line of work I'm not losing earning potential. I can enter full time in a few years and be able to charge what I charge now or going rate and it will be fine. I can also attempt to go very part time and try to work 1-2 nights and time it so DH can watch DD while I sleep.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't a big sacrifice for us financially and I wanted to stay home while my kids were babies. I started working part time once they went to kindergarten, then full time to build up my business, then back to part time once the oldest was in 8th grade. When I gave birth to our third, we hired a nanny to work 2-7pm to help.

I did not base what we thought was best for our kids, our family, on what friends might think or say. Are you crazy?! They don't have to live your life, YOU do! I think you're completely insane to worry about what your friends would say. Aren't you an adult?

[Anonymous]

My husband worked nights, coming home around 4 am. It was awful and totally unworkable. If remote work is not an option for you, I'd quit in a heartbeat until child is older. The juggle you'd have would drive you mad with stress and pure exhaustion.

I stayed home until daughter was 4.5 (worked odd jobs like weekend retail for a little extra money). It was a very big hit financially. DH and I both had modest white collar jobs, so one of us unemployed was a bit dip. But absolutely worth it and doable to make do on much less than used to.

[Anonymous]

Totally worth it. I worked until my daughter was almost 3. Those two years before she started kindergarten have been my favorite of my life. Money was tight, but we had so much fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband worked nights, coming home around 4 am. It was awful and totally unworkable. If remote work is not an option for you, I'd quit in a heartbeat until child is older. The juggle you'd have would drive you mad with stress and pure exhaustion.

I stayed home until daughter was 4.5 (worked odd jobs like weekend retail for a little extra money). It was a very big hit financially. DH and I both had modest white collar jobs, so one of us unemployed was a bit dip. But absolutely worth it and doable to make do on much less than used to.

PP here - re-read your post. Especially because no dip in pay for your later - 100% think you should take a break and spend your afternoons at the local park with your baby, etc. It's such a short time that the kids are little. If you have the chance to just be SAHM for a bit while they're little, take is as a gift.

[Anonymous]

Yes, stay home. You will not regret it. If you need to go back to work earlier you can, but you can never make this time with your little one back up.

[Anonymous]

Are you a nurse, OP? I know a lot of nurses who went very part time while kids were little. They felt it was worth it to keep some type of work life.

[Anonymous]

I stayed home until my kid started school (in DC, so this was mid-3). No regrets. However, keep in mind that these are 100% the most grueling years to be a stay at home parent (way, way tougher than most out of home jobs) and the job is largely thankless. I found a group of like-minded moms and we mostly did free activities and brought our own snacks/food. The budgeting part was not that tough - tiny kids aren't expensive.

[Anonymous]

So worth it. I have no regrets. I did work very part time starting when they were around 1.5 (10 hours a week of babysitting) -- that was a good way to keep my skills current and helped on ramping when they got older.

No regrets whatsoever. I know my kids benefitted.

[Anonymous]

Or consider going to half-day work at some point (age 2 or 3) and let DC go to some preschool on weekdays to learn socialization at that point.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t mind advice from an older mom (oldest in college and youngest in HS)

I loved being a SAHM even though money was tight and we had to sacrifice in some areas. My plan was to stay home until K but I had 3 kids which ended up meaning staying at home for 11 years instead of 5. Then by the time the youngest was in K, we had identified that 2 had disabilities that required therapies. It just seemed easier to continue to stay home. I liked that it provided lots of opportunities to volunteer. I really enjoyed it and will never regret the time. But it came at a cost because I was out too long. I have been unsuccessful reentering the workforce and now my marriage is on shaky ground which is causing me tremendous anxiety. So my advice is go for it but have a firm deadline for return to work.

[Anonymous]

Heck no. I did for the first year and a half and went back to work. Now that my kids are older I could definitely see a benefit of staying home, but tossing a ball to a child who can’t throw back for an hour, followed by another hour of me playing with dolls by myself was…really awful. Some people love that and kudos but no the early years are not for me.

[Anonymous]

It was a big sacrifice for us financially but I'm glad I did it. There have been times since returning to work when I have felt that my career would be easier if I'd stuck it out and stayed through, but I also know exactly what I would have missed out on and the tradeoff was worth it to me.

One factor for me is that I was older (late 30s) so well established professionally plus already had good retirement savings and an emergency fund. I was also a bit burned out professionally at that point so the break felt good for me in terms of mental health.

Everyone's situation is different and you have to look at the factors for you.

Oh and also -- none of my friends did this either but while I was SAHMing I met other professional women who were doing it and now I have a number of friends who SAHMed at the same time I did and returned to work around the same time too. So that problem sort of solves itself. Most SAHMs do return to to work so unless you are in a very high income area where permanent SAHMs are more common, you will likely encounter other women in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

I did and while it was hard in some ways, I really bonded with my children and spent a lot of quality time with them. I don’t know if we would have the same relationship tbh. We are really close in a way that I don’t think we would be had I been gone most of the week. I would never tell my working friends that.

[Anonymous]

I’m doing this now. As my child entered a half day preschool program, I went back to work part time. The first year is rough in that you have so much to do, you’re tired, and yet you feel like you’re doing nothing all day at the same time. But after your child starts walking, time starts flying. I’m loving it.