WWYD? 8 YO daughter lied about watching YouTube videos

[Anonymous]

Looking for advice here. 8 YO DD is no longer allowed to go on YouTube unsupervised for various reasons. Additionally, she and her younger siblin are only allowed to go on their computers for non-school reason when they have permission. She had her school computer in her room because earlier in the day, she'd been working on homework on the school computer. Later in the day, she and her younger sibling were playing in her room. I went to check on her and they were playing on her school computer. She told me she was doing her school homework, but became belligerent when I asked to check. I brought the computer downstairs and found she had been watching YouTube videos. What's an appropriate consequence? Husband and I have decided she cannot have any computer in her room unsupervised anymore, but is that enough? I'm concerned about the lying and about the increasingly disrespectful attitude she is developing.

[Anonymous]

20 strokes with a wet noodle

[Anonymous]

Was she watching something problematic?

Have you tried "YouTube Kids"? I understand kids don't like it because things they want aren't on there. But it still might have some stuff like toy unboxing.

Lying should be punished with some loss of privileges but your kids don't have many privileges to take away.

You should tread carefully because this dynamic will repeat itself with later media/apps.

If you restrict a lot, I 100% guarantee your kid will find a way to get around it. School-supplied devices can be the weak link, then phones.

[Anonymous]

She does her school work in the family room where you are. Set up a desk for her. Her computer stays there.

We've always done this for my DS as I'm really suspicious of one of his friends.

[Anonymous]

I have a DS the same age. School computer is only opened and used for homework at the kitchen table, then put away. For lying, he wouldn’t be allowed TV the rest of the week. We don’t do iPads.

[Anonymous]

Why did you give her free access to the internet?

[Anonymous]

My DD is 8 and if I send her to Grandma’s house with the iPad to do schoolwork, chances are good that she will look at YouTube or something else she’s not supposed to. Having said that, she always fesses up to it without me asking. Whatever the consequences, I’d make it clear to your DD that they are for lying, not for watching YT. I honestly think the internet is too tempting to expect your kid to not look at it if they have an opportunity to do so.

[Anonymous]

We took the computer away. The end.

[Anonymous]

My 7 yo does not have unfettered access to the Internet. He does his homework in the dining room and the little tech he does have access to is locked down. No Internet. I get that your kid is a year older, but my kids will be in middle school before they browse unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

No you don’t double down on the punishment because she lied. You talk about what honesty is important, you talk about why you have these rules. You are trying to develop a relationship where your kid can make a mistake and not feel terrified to come to you about it and not start becoming a better liar.

So make the computer a public thing, but don’t give extra punishments.

[Anonymous]

Kids are impulsive, and it’s hard to exercise self control when you have a dopamine dispenser RIGHT THERE.

You make it easy for her to not do the undesired behavior and hard for her to lie about it. Computer at the dining room table, charge in in a public area too.

I talk to my son about trust and the importance of honesty, but we also talk about brain development and how part of my job as a parent is to help him make good choices until his brain is grown up enough to make them on his own.

[Anonymous]

I think taking the computer out of her room and a conversation about lying is fine. I always told mine that we need to be able to trust them if they want more freedom and privileges as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Have a family contract that outlines clear expectations and consequences and have everyone sign it and enforce it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a DS the same age. School computer is only opened and used for homework at the kitchen table, then put away. For lying, he wouldn’t be allowed TV the rest of the week. We don’t do iPads.

This is a very good solution.

[Anonymous]

Technology is very alluring. Your job is to teach your kid to access it appropriately and find balance in all activities in her life. She got caught, she got in trouble, and it’s over. She didn’t rob a bank. Keep it in perspective.