Social anxiety

[Anonymous]

I used to reluctantly socialize and have not since Covid. Now the idea of it induces full panic in me. My parents wrote my to say a friend of theirs from their hometown is visiting my town and wants to see me… I don’t want to. I know I am going to lose sleep over it. I feel that way about everyone but close family.

[Anonymous]

Are your fears specific (virus transmission), or more generalized?

And can you say more about what socializing looked like and felt like pre-covid? What socializing did you do in the before-times? How did you feel beforehand? How did you feel after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your fears specific (virus transmission), or more generalized?

And can you say more about what socializing looked like and felt like pre-covid? What socializing did you do in the before-times? How did you feel beforehand? How did you feel after?

Before Covid as a younger mom I socialized a lot but always in a kid centric way. We went out rarely with adults only but I always hated it. We also hosted more and I hated it. I now still have to host but just in laws and that is fine, and my kids’ friends are here pretty much daily and I am totally fine with that. Now these people I don’t know are coming. I am worried about what to cook ( I am a good cook for my family but with guests I find it so tough and always mess up) what to say, no part of me wants to do this. I am almost mad someone would even ask me to do it.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I would not want to cook for strangers. And to be honest I probably wouldn’t. I’d order a tray of lasagne or something.

What if you totally removed anything that felt like pressure. “I’m happy to meet them, but I probably won’t have time to prepare a meal. I’ll order ____, and if you can prepare a salad that would be great.”

I remember hitting a point where I was like, “I’m not going to perform perfection anymore.” No more cleaning just to look like I am someone who has a beater house than I do. No more playing grownup (that’s always how it felt to me.

That decision helped a lot. A LOT.

[Anonymous]

Just say it doesn't work for you.

[Anonymous]

Can you just meet them at a restaurant? Why do you feel you have to host? I totally empathize with the social anxiety. I have it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you just meet them at a restaurant? Why do you feel you have to host? I totally empathize with the social anxiety. I have it too.

I think the idea is for them to see how people live in America since they are here as tourists from overseas, and my dad is very pleased about them coming to us and us hosting. My parents are the most social, gracious hosts so they absolutely do not get my anxiety at all, my voicing it or suggesting a restaurant would feel like insanity to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you just meet them at a restaurant? Why do you feel you have to host? I totally empathize with the social anxiety. I have it too.

I think the idea is for them to see how people live in America since they are here as tourists from overseas, and my dad is very pleased about them coming to us and us hosting. My parents are the most social, gracious hosts so they absolutely do not get my anxiety at all, my voicing it or suggesting a restaurant would feel like insanity to them.

Ok but you’re an adult who is in charge of your own life, so own it.

[Anonymous]

I have social anxiety too OP. It's a muscle that needs exercising. The more you do it, the more comfortable it feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have social anxiety too OP. It's a muscle that needs exercising. The more you do it, the more comfortable it feels.

Idk, it always felt hard for me even when I did it a lot, not as hard perhaps, but always like something unpleasant to get over with aside from truly casual stuff that revolves around kids. I think that other poster is right about feeling like playing grown ups when hosting. I will never feel like I am not doing that, it’s not natural for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have social anxiety too OP. It's a muscle that needs exercising. The more you do it, the more comfortable it feels.

I do think this is true. I also have SA, but the place to start is not hosting overseas visitors she barely knows in her home.

[Anonymous]

I think this is such a weird request and would not be comfortable hosting my parents’ friends who I do not know myself, without my parents being there as well.

I would just do coffee out somewhere with these strangers, show them a tourist spot, and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a weird request and would not be comfortable hosting my parents’ friends who I do not know myself, without my parents being there as well.

I would just do coffee out somewhere with these strangers, show them a tourist spot, and call it a day.

I guess I do feel better about other people finding it weird. Maybe the issue is my parents are so social and welcoming they have no idea why this is not something other people would want to do. Sometimes I feel a little in the twilight zone and like I am the problem, but maybe I am not after all.

[Anonymous]

Are you the OP of the other thread about hosting strangers from abroad?

The issue here is your unmanaged anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the OP of the other thread about hosting strangers from abroad?

The issue here is your unmanaged anxiety.

Yes, I said so in my other post.