I dont love our daycare, what to do

[Anonymous]

DD 3.5yo has been at a local daycare, a bright horizons, since she was 1 when we moved from VA to Chicago suburbs. Over the past couple years my dd has grown to dislike going to “school” due to a lot of staff turnover and the new staff that was hired in not being very nurturing, more standoffish, and from my DD’s perspective, “scary”. For example, every morning at drop off my daughter grips into my or DH’s leg and starts getting tears; the teacher who is there in the morning looks at DD, sees that she’s struggling and probably just needs a hug, but doesn’t come over to help bring DD into the group or help her transition. So then DH and I are left in this horrible situation every morning where we either leave her there crying by herself or we have to ask the woman to take DD, which then she’ll do begrudgingly. We also don’t love the admin and feel like the environment is cold across all staff from the teachers up to the admin. Something just doesn’t feel good, and we had two wonderful daycare/preschools that our older daughter went to back in VA that we just loved; they were so warm and loving with the kids. In fact, when my older DD switched to this bright horizons for her pre-K year right after we moved, she hated it too, but we just pushed forward knowing she’d be in K soon, and just blamed it on the move and the transition.

Now we are in this situation with my 3 year old who will be going into K in a year and a half. I feel like we’ve not been very happy for a while. Knowing that she only has 1.5 years until K, do we risk switching her to a new daycare/preschool that she’ll be happier at? What would you do? The part I’m struggling with is the unknown. What if switching makes it worse. She does have friends in her current daycare that she’s been with for years now. And she’s always smiling and happy when we get her at pickup and in the photos that get posted throughout the day. Anyone else been in a situation like this with a daycare and made a switch for the last year of daycare and was it the right decision? I need advice here.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut!

[Anonymous]

Just a clarification before I give you my opinion. Would going over to get your daughter mean that she is leaving the group of children she is supervising?

[Anonymous]

omg this daycare sounds terrible. just leave.

[Anonymous]

If you were to bring it up with your kid on a weekend, what would she say? Does she only hate the drop-offs in the morning, or does she say negative things about it at other times as well? Have you talked about doing things differently at drop-off?

Is preschool at all an option?

[Anonymous]

This is just one anecdote, but we switched schools after a pile of minor inconveniences/gut feelings that the old school wasn't a good fit, and wow the new school is such a breath of fresh air. Better administration, better communication, better all around. If you can find a new place you like, go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just one anecdote, but we switched schools after a pile of minor inconveniences/gut feelings that the old school wasn't a good fit, and wow the new school is such a breath of fresh air. Better administration, better communication, better all around. If you can find a new place you like, go for it!

We switched my older daughter in July at 3.5 when she only had a year before K (late birthday). I agonized over the decision, but it ended up being better all around (more convenient, better communication, less turnover, just a better fit). She is older now and doesn't remember being at either place (other than picking up/dropping off her sibling to the new place). I don't know about Chicago, but around here there are spots available at that age due to the higher ratios.

I like the PP's suggestion of casually asking your daughter on a weekend. Not "do you want to switch schools?" but lowkey probe whether she likes it there with her friends.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have been tolerating this school for a long time. And yet it appears that your child is happy there aside from the drop offs. Did she develop this issue with the new teacher? She never had any problems with crying until this new person started working?
I suspect that you have a problem with them and not her. Because it doesn’t make sense otherwise to keep a child at a daycare if she doesn’t like it and you don’t like it.

Why continue to waste time?

Kids can make new friends. She’s only 3 years old. My child moved to a new preschool at age 4 and did perfectly fine. He went to a different school at age 3. I think the previous one is a better school but he likes the new school better. In hindsight it was a good decision but everything is a risk.

I think sending your child to a daycare that you and your child don’t like years just to “stick it out until Kindergarten” is kind of crazy. If she’s happy I would stick it out. But if you are spending all this time describing why she is not happy (or why you think she shouldn’t be happy), it’s time to move on.

[Anonymous]

I think a year and a half is well worth a switch. It isn't a long time in a lifetime, but it is actually a significant chunk of the early childhood years. And the things you describe are some of the most important things during those early years - warmth, nurturing, etc. It's really important. So yeah I would personally, based on what I've heard, think of moving her. I moved my infant from a center daycare that my gut just wasn't feeling great about to a home daycare. We were at the home daycare probably only a little over 1.5 years after that before he was ready to go to a preschool and it was 100% worth it. Way way way better fit for us.

[Anonymous]

A year and a half is SO long to a child, especially a 3 yr old. That's half a lifetime. Change daycares.

[Anonymous]

We didnt even go to daycare until 3 for both my kids. Switch to a better environment. Its important for them to have a good pre-k year and to enjoy going to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 3.5yo has been at a local daycare, a bright horizons, since she was 1 when we moved from VA to Chicago suburbs. Over the past couple years my dd has grown to dislike going to “school” due to a lot of staff turnover and the new staff that was hired in not being very nurturing, more standoffish, and from my DD’s perspective, “scary”. For example, every morning at drop off my daughter grips into my or DH’s leg and starts getting tears; the teacher who is there in the morning looks at DD, sees that she’s struggling and probably just needs a hug, but doesn’t come over to help bring DD into the group or help her transition. So then DH and I are left in this horrible situation every morning where we either leave her there crying by herself or we have to ask the woman to take DD, which then she’ll do begrudgingly. We also don’t love the admin and feel like the environment is cold across all staff from the teachers up to the admin. Something just doesn’t feel good, and we had two wonderful daycare/preschools that our older daughter went to back in VA that we just loved; they were so warm and loving with the kids. In fact, when my older DD switched to this bright horizons for her pre-K year right after we moved, she hated it too, but we just pushed forward knowing she’d be in K soon, and just blamed it on the move and the transition.

Now we are in this situation with my 3 year old who will be going into K in a year and a half. I feel like we’ve not been very happy for a while. Knowing that she only has 1.5 years until K, do we risk switching her to a new daycare/preschool that she’ll be happier at? What would you do? The part I’m struggling with is the unknown. What if switching makes it worse. She does have friends in her current daycare that she’s been with for years now. And she’s always smiling and happy when we get her at pickup and in the photos that get posted throughout the day. Anyone else been in a situation like this with a daycare and made a switch for the last year of daycare and was it the right decision? I need advice here.

Any daycare worker or teacher would be a fool to hug a child because they would be accused of molesting the child.

[Anonymous]

if she is fine within a minute or so of dropping off, then they are just waiting for you to be ready to head out. They know she will be fine once the transition is over and that the longer it takes, the more escalated things get. Are you in anyway reinforcing the behavior by giving lots of extra attention, bribes or rewards?

[Anonymous]

We had this issue. The place was fine but wasn’t right for my DD. Night and day at the center. Trust your gut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 3.5yo has been at a local daycare, a bright horizons, since she was 1 when we moved from VA to Chicago suburbs. Over the past couple years my dd has grown to dislike going to “school” due to a lot of staff turnover and the new staff that was hired in not being very nurturing, more standoffish, and from my DD’s perspective, “scary”. For example, every morning at drop off my daughter grips into my or DH’s leg and starts getting tears; the teacher who is there in the morning looks at DD, sees that she’s struggling and probably just needs a hug, but doesn’t come over to help bring DD into the group or help her transition. So then DH and I are left in this horrible situation every morning where we either leave her there crying by herself or we have to ask the woman to take DD, which then she’ll do begrudgingly. We also don’t love the admin and feel like the environment is cold across all staff from the teachers up to the admin. Something just doesn’t feel good, and we had two wonderful daycare/preschools that our older daughter went to back in VA that we just loved; they were so warm and loving with the kids. In fact, when my older DD switched to this bright horizons for her pre-K year right after we moved, she hated it too, but we just pushed forward knowing she’d be in K soon, and just blamed it on the move and the transition.

Now we are in this situation with my 3 year old who will be going into K in a year and a half. I feel like we’ve not been very happy for a while. Knowing that she only has 1.5 years until K, do we risk switching her to a new daycare/preschool that she’ll be happier at? What would you do? The part I’m struggling with is the unknown. What if switching makes it worse. She does have friends in her current daycare that she’s been with for years now. And she’s always smiling and happy when we get her at pickup and in the photos that get posted throughout the day. Anyone else been in a situation like this with a daycare and made a switch for the last year of daycare and was it the right decision? I need advice here.

The best daycare is you.