Have I missed my window to battle hymn/ tiger mother?

[Anonymous]

Ds (10) has always been super smart (tested in near 100% on g&t in nyc 3 years running/ never any academic issues brought up by teacher). Ds struggle has been with impulse control and emotional regulation and his school has been great with that. It’s a 2t private in nyc. I have defocused academics in favor of the social stuff - and also work full time and cannot be a tiger mother really. But we recently applied ds to a 1t private for middle and he didn’t get in. Which is fine (we had no contacts and did not prep ds for the isee). But I worry that I have been so focused on social stuff and so neglected academics that I’m letting ds down. Have I missed my window? Should I be finding my battle hymn?

[Anonymous]

Are you sure it wasn’t the impulse control and emotional regulation that was a turn off?

[Anonymous]

No, the social skills is what really matters. You don't know why he didn't get in, could have been pretty arbitrary.

[Anonymous]

Social skills are so much more important and your kid probably wouldn’t be as well off socially if you tried to push both social and academics.

[Anonymous]

You're on the right path

[Anonymous]

It is not too late. My suggestion is to balance academic supplements with social skills.

And if I had to prioritize among academic supplements, I would prioritize math - unless there is a different obvious deficit. Math is poorly taught all across the USA, which is why supplemental math has great ROI. Even if no acceleration, DC would end up having more solid math skills.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar boy and took a similar path (although all in public schools) of emphasizing social skills and not pushing too much on academics. We did start to invest in executive function coach and targeted tutoring in 8th-9th grade and that plus more maturity made a huge difference. He was a super star student by the end of HS.

[Anonymous]

Its not too late. But, I think you should get an eval for the impulse control stuff. That can really take a toll both socially and academically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds (10) has always been super smart (tested in near 100% on g&t in nyc 3 years running/ never any academic issues brought up by teacher). Ds struggle has been with impulse control and emotional regulation and his school has been great with that. It’s a 2t private in nyc. I have defocused academics in favor of the social stuff - and also work full time and cannot be a tiger mother really. But we recently applied ds to a 1t private for middle and he didn’t get in. Which is fine (we had no contacts and did not prep ds for the isee). But I worry that I have been so focused on social stuff and so neglected academics that I’m letting ds down. Have I missed my window? Should I be finding my battle hymn?

Sorry, your ds is doomed to attending a public university. Probably something with "State" or "Tech" in it. I know it's tough to go through something like that, but we are here for you.

[Anonymous]

"battle hymn"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"battle hymn"?

Amy Chua book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it wasn’t the impulse control and emotional regulation that was a turn off?

i'm not sure they knew about those - unless his teachers wrote it in their report but not sure why they would do that.
He def kept it under wraps for the intv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not too late. My suggestion is to balance academic supplements with social skills.

And if I had to prioritize among academic supplements, I would prioritize math - unless there is a different obvious deficit. Math is poorly taught all across the USA, which is why supplemental math has great ROI. Even if no acceleration, DC would end up having more solid math skills.

solid advice - ty

[Anonymous]

OP, if you could have become the Tiger Mom, you would have been one already.

Becoming a Tiger Mom means that you have to be super organized, super strategic and super hardworking. The angst against TM happens mainly because others can'y work that hard and make that many sacrifices for their children.

[Anonymous]

One of my kids is just like your DS. He does therapy and social groups plus one low-key extracurricular. I don't push him very hard (I know it would be counterproductive). My other kid does math enrichment, private music lessons and an outside orchestra, and travel sports. I push this kid harder. They are both smart kids but have different capacities to take things on. Sounds like you are meeting your kid where he is.