Was your dc looking forward to college?
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Anonymous
| My dd is a junior and she has NO idea what she wants to do with her life. She's a very good student, good athlete, very organized, club leader, works summers, has good friends...I would say she has her life extremely together as a student and young person, but college is this big unknown to her: She doesn't find the idea of any job truly appealing when she thinks about it, is not looking forward to college and leaving home at all. She has explored many things she thought she might enjoy with electives and extracurriculars, and none sound good. Is this typical? How does a kid like this find their way? |
Anonymous
| That is my kid, currently a senior who is going in six months. I think the issue is that it’s such a big unknown, and such a big change, it’s hard for them to imagine. We did have to push her a bit to start the college visits and come up with a list but she did her own applications and has gotten into several schools. Now says she’s “dreading” it so I hope in the coming months after visiting during admitted students days and finally making a decision she will start looking forward to it. |
Anonymous
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She doesn’t need to know what she wants to do with her life. It’s crazy that we think kids need to know this by 18 much less 16. She can apply to schools undecided and use the first couple of years to explore.
And if she doesn’t feel ready for college, she can take a gap year. She’s 16 and sounds quite together. She doesn’t need to think about a career right now; in fact, I suspect some of her not wanting to college might be a reaction to the idea that she needs to know what she wants to do with her life before she goes. That’s a lot of pressure for a kid. She should focus on being a kid, enjoying and succeeding in school, and figuring out what sort of environment she wants to be in after HS and what topics she enjoys and might want to dive into more deeply in college. Backing off from long-term planning will give her space to think more about what she wants to do in the next few years, and that might help her start to see college as an exciting opportunity to explore. |
Anonymous
My senior DS is similar. One thing I’ve noted for him is that these days there is a lot of talk about kids finding their passion in terms of work and that’s great if you find something you are passionate about but it’s also okay to work to live not live to work, ie figuring out a career/job that is pleasant enough that you are good at that allows for reasonable work life balance - even if it doesn’t make insane amounts of $$$. |
Anonymous
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Are her friends talking about college? Usually the peer group has an influence on it….
If going far away continues to be overwhelming for her as she starts applying in the fall, it’s okay to focus on instate options. Does she has exposure to people in different careers? Aunts uncles, family friends.? Maybe they start sharing with her so she can get a perspective on a couple careers, make it the unknown a little more tangible. Lastly what classes does she excel in, and what are her grades and scores …. This info can help you as the parent do some research even if she isn’t ready yet. |
Anonymous
| I think your daughter's perspective is normal. My senior DD is so excited for college. She's just committed to a school she's really enthusiastic about (which is a few states away), she can't wait to make new friends and get the heck out of the confinement of high school and have new freedoms. She's excited for the social life and fun of college and (she says) all the new academic and extracurricular challenges too. I do notice more girls than boys being at this stage of readiness but that could be purely anecdotal among my friends' kids. |
Anonymous
She does have exposure to a lot, and nothing sounds good to her, especially not high stress professions. I think her peer group makes her feel more anxious than not, they know what they want to do, where they want to go...She is generally a little better at Humanities than Sciences, definitely not going into anything Math-related. |
Anonymous
I’m the PP you’re responding to and I totally agree. My DD applied undecided and really has no idea what she wants to do. It seems like she’s an outlier based on other kids we know and also DCUM. I wouldn’t be surprised if many kids who already know what career path they want in HS end up changing it. |
Anonymous
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I think it's crazy that kids are supposed to know what they want to do as a career when they're teens. My kid is a freshman in college and I'm 100% sure he has no idea what he wants to do and is just following his interests (that is separate from packaging him for the college application process, which we totally did).
There is a stat out there, that I'm not going to look up, which says that despite all the pressure and focus on "knowing what you want to do" a large percentage of kids still change majors after starting school. Which imo makes perfect sense. |
Anonymous
| My junior is feeling the same. I think a lot are wondering what it's all for......My teen is taking a lot of APs and prepping for the SAT so they can enter a lottery for certain schools. The only schools that are safeties don't actually require all the APs and the intense schedules. Then, my teen also isn't 100% sure what to study in college b/c some of the career interests they've had require lots of schooling for not a lot of pay. My kid want "to make a difference", but also doesn't want to struggle to pay the bills. It's a lot. Also, the requirements to get an advanced diploma in HS and check the boxes for T50 colleges means my kid hasn't been exposed to a lot of electives to explore options. |
Anonymous
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It's normal!
As far as not knowing, my HS junior doesn't know either. My college junior didn't know entering college and didn't make up his mind on a major until end of freshman year. And changed it again his sophomore year. I encouraged him (and my HS kid) to go in undecided and take a variety of classes to see what appeals to them. Might not work for those driving for tippy top schools or where you have to apply to a department directly, but that's not most college. As for not wanting to leave home, that can change between now and the Fall when doing applications. Have you gone on college visits? That might spur her interest. |
Anonymous
+1. This is what I tell my son, work to live not vice versa. Wish I knew that in my 20s. |
Anonymous
| My junior DD has no clue! Wants somewhere warm near a beach lol. That's about as far as we have gotten. Just letting you know you're not alone. She's not as put together as your DD but doing well. Agree w others that it's crazy they need to know. |
Anonymous
| My kid has gotten into every college that she has applied to so far (though we are waiting on the most competitive). Still - she feels apathetic about going to college (and even if she got into the most competitive ones, she would still feel the same way). She is considering taking a gap year. While she thought that she knew what she wanted to do - she is now feeling a bit unsure because there are so many options out there. We're continuing to go through the process as if she will attend in the fall - but in the end, I will leave it up to her if she wants to take a gap year. I think she is feeling a bit sad about missing her friends next year - everyone will be going in different directions. |
Anonymous
| I have a friend who had no clue up to a few years after finishing a t15 university. Eventually got into television and film and is very well known. For some people it takes a long time |