Constant situational stress

[Anonymous]

It’s been constant for over three years now and I’ve about had it. None of the huge stressors are positive and none are mine personally. From stubborn elderly parents (one is gone now) with money issues, sibling who is living with last elderly parent and is a burden not a help and messages me almost daily with evil comments (if I cut her off, she will attack my older kids and husband and will cut access to my mother), brother who was a drug addict (recovered now but it was hell when it was going on), relative who I helped hospice after visiting my mother in same town due to a heart attack/stroke and was a traumatizing miserable experience because of her refusal to go to hospital when she was completely paralyzed (phobia) and helpless and they had to listen to her desires. She, of course, was also broke, and my mother spent her recovery jealous of me being with her sister so often, adding to the misery. And when I DID leave when the hospice took her inpatient, the social worker called me daily screaming that I needed to return to take her home. I was now cross-country. Now normally healthy spouse developed blood clots and two close friends who are like family developed cancer at the same time, etc. There is never any break to recover from each experience so I live in a constant state of trauma and fear. Often these instances overlap each other. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and keep telling myself, OK, things will improve and they just don’t.

I’d like to say “well that’s life” but it isn’t life when it’s constant and unrelenting. I thought 2024 was going to start turning things but nope. For the past month and a half, more and more issues keep happening and I’m just tired. So tired.

I guess this is a vent of sorts.

[Anonymous]

Last rant from my sister was how I was planning using my mother’s money (sold the home and went to assisted living) to have an actual funeral for both my parents when my mother passes. My father was cremated so she could save money (against his wishes, they insisted). 10K for both plots and she’s freaking screaming that I am draining her inheritance. Evil.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. It sounds like you could use therapy to help you process these events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sounds like you could use therapy to help you process these events.

Agree. I started therapy when I had a relentless series of stressors and it helped so much to have a place to process with someone who wasn’t involved and whose feelings I didn’t have to protect.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar place - 3 yrs of crappy circumstance combined with suprising manipulative and cruel behavior from those close to me. Therapy didn’t really help, until she used the term complex post traumatic stress disorder. I looked up non therapy treatment- found neurofeedback and it has been a godsend. There is also EMDR, but that is associated with talk therapy. Personally I was talked out and didn’t want to go into the recount all the nuances of hurt again. I’m managing so much better now! Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. It sounds like you could use therapy to help you process these events.

I do go. His response was that he can help me process, but situation stress is very hard

[Anonymous]

"(higher power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I struggle with this too, OP. There's just so much CRAP sometimes. Thing is, that *is* life. It all falls apart, all living things die, it's a broken world full of broken systems, made and run by broken people. Expecting that it will "get better" is denying the reality: this is it. Waiting for it to improve sounds like the main cause of your stress. Accept the things you cannot change, and that list includes all the people on your list who aren't under your control. So, anyone but you. You don't have to like their behavior, their circumstances, their troubles, and you don't have to change those things. For one day, try just accepting that they are what they are. I know, it sounds like total BS. But it really does work.

Then, with the energy you free up by not fretting over stuff that's not yours to control/fix, consider what you can control. You're exhausted (which makes sense). Can you sleep better, eat better, take more time for things that energize/renew you? Can you make an appointment for support, whether that's a fellowship group, or therapy, or spiritual counsel, or something else that works for you? Focus your energy on the things you can do something about. Hint: they're probably things about you you've been neglecting while focusing on everyone/everything else.

Nobody has it figured out; your struggles perfectly describe the "sandwich generation" and what we all are facing. And the airplane rule (put your own oxygen mask on first) is the right approach for all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar place - 3 yrs of crappy circumstance combined with suprising manipulative and cruel behavior from those close to me. Therapy didn’t really help, until she used the term complex post traumatic stress disorder. I looked up non therapy treatment- found neurofeedback and it has been a godsend. There is also EMDR, but that is associated with talk therapy. Personally I was talked out and didn’t want to go into the recount all the nuances of hurt again. I’m managing so much better now! Good luck

Neurofeedback sounds like a great idea. Thank you for the suggestion. I’m talked out too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"(higher power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I struggle with this too, OP. There's just so much CRAP sometimes. Thing is, that *is* life. It all falls apart, all living things die, it's a broken world full of broken systems, made and run by broken people. Expecting that it will "get better" is denying the reality: this is it. Waiting for it to improve sounds like the main cause of your stress. Accept the things you cannot change, and that list includes all the people on your list who aren't under your control. So, anyone but you. You don't have to like their behavior, their circumstances, their troubles, and you don't have to change those things. For one day, try just accepting that they are what they are. I know, it sounds like total BS. But it really does work.

Then, with the energy you free up by not fretting over stuff that's not yours to control/fix, consider what you can control. You're exhausted (which makes sense). Can you sleep better, eat better, take more time for things that energize/renew you? Can you make an appointment for support, whether that's a fellowship group, or therapy, or spiritual counsel, or something else that works for you? Focus your energy on the things you can do something about. Hint: they're probably things about you you've been neglecting while focusing on everyone/everything else.

Nobody has it figured out; your struggles perfectly describe the "sandwich generation" and what we all are facing. And the airplane rule (put your own oxygen mask on first) is the right approach for all of us.

I knew writing here was a great idea. You all are really wonderful people. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"(higher power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I struggle with this too, OP. There's just so much CRAP sometimes. Thing is, that *is* life. It all falls apart, all living things die, it's a broken world full of broken systems, made and run by broken people. Expecting that it will "get better" is denying the reality: this is it. Waiting for it to improve sounds like the main cause of your stress. Accept the things you cannot change, and that list includes all the people on your list who aren't under your control. So, anyone but you. You don't have to like their behavior, their circumstances, their troubles, and you don't have to change those things. For one day, try just accepting that they are what they are. I know, it sounds like total BS. But it really does work.

Then, with the energy you free up by not fretting over stuff that's not yours to control/fix, consider what you can control. You're exhausted (which makes sense). Can you sleep better, eat better, take more time for things that energize/renew you? Can you make an appointment for support, whether that's a fellowship group, or therapy, or spiritual counsel, or something else that works for you? Focus your energy on the things you can do something about. Hint: they're probably things about you you've been neglecting while focusing on everyone/everything else.

Nobody has it figured out; your struggles perfectly describe the "sandwich generation" and what we all are facing. And the airplane rule (put your own oxygen mask on first) is the right approach for all of us.

I’m going to focus on my child and the upcoming wedding, which is all positive (thank you wedding planner). And I decided I’m making it all her friend and his family, and am casually inviting only the people I want surrounding me (a couple cousins). We will do an additional party up north for just family so they don’t have to travel far and won’t whine about. The location is pretty remote in the mountains, so no one wants to go anyway, which is fine by me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar place - 3 yrs of crappy circumstance combined with suprising manipulative and cruel behavior from those close to me. Therapy didn’t really help, until she used the term complex post traumatic stress disorder. I looked up non therapy treatment- found neurofeedback and it has been a godsend. There is also EMDR, but that is associated with talk therapy. Personally I was talked out and didn’t want to go into the recount all the nuances of hurt again. I’m managing so much better now! Good luck

OP here. So sorry you are going through this too. I swear, we all need a weekly lunch with each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"(higher power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I struggle with this too, OP. There's just so much CRAP sometimes. Thing is, that *is* life. It all falls apart, all living things die, it's a broken world full of broken systems, made and run by broken people. Expecting that it will "get better" is denying the reality: this is it. Waiting for it to improve sounds like the main cause of your stress. Accept the things you cannot change, and that list includes all the people on your list who aren't under your control. So, anyone but you. You don't have to like their behavior, their circumstances, their troubles, and you don't have to change those things. For one day, try just accepting that they are what they are. I know, it sounds like total BS. But it really does work.

Then, with the energy you free up by not fretting over stuff that's not yours to control/fix, consider what you can control. You're exhausted (which makes sense). Can you sleep better, eat better, take more time for things that energize/renew you? Can you make an appointment for support, whether that's a fellowship group, or therapy, or spiritual counsel, or something else that works for you? Focus your energy on the things you can do something about. Hint: they're probably things about you you've been neglecting while focusing on everyone/everything else.

Nobody has it figured out; your struggles perfectly describe the "sandwich generation" and what we all are facing. And the airplane rule (put your own oxygen mask on first) is the right approach for all of us.

I’m going to focus on my child and the upcoming wedding, which is all positive (thank you wedding planner). And I decided I’m making it all her friend and his family, and am casually inviting only the people I want surrounding me (a couple cousins). We will do an additional party up north for just family so they don’t have to travel far and won’t whine about. The location is pretty remote in the mountains, so no one wants to go anyway, which is fine by me

Echoing PP you might reach up on radical acceptance and try some of Tara Beach’s guided meditations on YouTube. Not a panacea but might be helpful and easily accessible.

[Anonymous]

That should have said read up on

[Anonymous]

OP here. And to top it off, the area next to one knee on leg looked swollen so I went to doc expecting her to say it was fat. Nope. I have an 8cm mass in there that needs an ultrasound. Might be sarcoma.

Honestly, I just can't anymore

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. Completely believe that’s a mind-body connection thing. Neurofeedback poster here. I’ve experience more aches and pains, some really debilitating, over the last 3 yrs than ever before. No additional advice.