Healing a “ruptured” relationship

[Anonymous]

https://mariepierrecleret.com/repairing-relationship-ruptures/

DH and I are in a bad place and both feel hopeless about reconnecting. We barely speak, sleep separately, haven’t had sex in months … there’s resentment and negativity from both of us. We’ve tried therapy many times without success. We have children, which is why we’re together.

Today I read the linked article and agreed with a lot of what it said. DH is a good person, but some years ago he did some things at a vulnerable point in my life which completely shattered my trust and faith in him. In my mind there’s a distinct ‘before’ vs. ‘after’ these events in the timeline of our relationship and the after years have been rough.

I feel like the article gives a blueprint for moving past a relationship rupture. Do any of you identify with this, and is there any hope of repairing things after years of toxicity? Are there any good therapists in the DC area that actually help?

To me the hours and $$$$ that we spent in therapy were a waste, but no therapist ever touched on points in this article. (One said contempt’s bad and gratitude’s good - she was Imago-based, IIRC - but never really got to the crux of things.)

[Anonymous]

Great read!

[Anonymous]

I was searching the forum for "imago" since a friend recommended imagi therapy and found this post. The article linked to really resonates. Is there a name for that kind of therapy? Is that consistent with Gottman, who is cited, but sounded different to me.

[Anonymous]

Did you both have individual counseling in addition to couples?

[Anonymous]

This is an old post but OP please give us an update if you’re still here.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

That “ rupture” will live rent free in your marriage until you do.

[Anonymous]

Its hard because like the beginning of the article said you now have a past with the other person and the people they have a reality with that everyone would have to turn a leaf over in order to heal. There is also distrust that any movement to change would be temporary only to be used against you in the future. It really only works at the beginning when things are starting to go away. After that the past just becomes bigger than the present or future. I guess it depends. How important is your future with this person? If you think not that much then it won't be more important than the past.

[Anonymous]

I had what I would consider a major rupture with my husband. I was so overwhelmed with the idea of losing my marriage that I just trudged along through therapy with him until I returned to my own emotional baseline.

My feelings towards him are not as open and trusting but in a way time healed a lot. If I had been as strong and confident in myself as I am now I would have just left him and the relationship would have been over.

So I think there are a lot of factors involved but that time is the most important.

[Anonymous]

That’s a great article. Wish I came across it - and applied it - six months ago. Hope it will help someone.