One-uppers

[Anonymous]

How do you handle one-uppers in your day-to-day life? You know, the type where no matter what, they've got you beat - they are busier, they have less free time, their kids sleep less. You have a work trip that is logistically hard for your family? Their DH is going on four work trips in the next month! This isn't just limited to things being hard -- their kids are also the smartest, the most athletic, etc.

Assume this is a relationship where simply avoiding them won't work. Is there an easy way to shut this down? Ignoring it isn't working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle one-uppers in your day-to-day life? You know, the type where no matter what, they've got you beat - they are busier, they have less free time, their kids sleep less. You have a work trip that is logistically hard for your family? Their DH is going on four work trips in the next month! This isn't just limited to things being hard -- their kids are also the smartest, the most athletic, etc.

Assume this is a relationship where simply avoiding them won't work. Is there an easy way to shut this down? Ignoring it isn't working.

I had a couple of friends like that. I slow faded and or just appreciated them for whatever they brought to the event we were doing. Often would listen for a minute and then " have to do something". I don't like that quality, so I look down on it. It didn't make me feel very insecure. On the other hand, things that do make me insecure, I have more issue dealing with those in conversation. Why does this make you feel insecure? Maybe start there.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. My solution is to call her much, much less. Like maybe once every few weeks. She hasn't noticed and has not called me. Win.

[Anonymous]

Avoid talking to them as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle one-uppers in your day-to-day life? You know, the type where no matter what, they've got you beat - they are busier, they have less free time, their kids sleep less. You have a work trip that is logistically hard for your family? Their DH is going on four work trips in the next month! This isn't just limited to things being hard -- their kids are also the smartest, the most athletic, etc.

Assume this is a relationship where simply avoiding them won't work. Is there an easy way to shut this down? Ignoring it isn't working.

The question you need to answer is why does it bother you? You CHOOSE what bothers you. Would you care if this was a random person living in Europe? No. So, why do you care? Why can you not focus on your life versus comparing to others. Every family is different along with parent and kid personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Avoid talking to them as much as possible.

Absolutely this.
I cannot stand this behavior in other people. 😠

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle one-uppers in your day-to-day life? You know, the type where no matter what, they've got you beat - they are busier, they have less free time, their kids sleep less. You have a work trip that is logistically hard for your family? Their DH is going on four work trips in the next month! This isn't just limited to things being hard -- their kids are also the smartest, the most athletic, etc.

Assume this is a relationship where simply avoiding them won't work. Is there an easy way to shut this down? Ignoring it isn't working.

The question you need to answer is why does it bother you? You CHOOSE what bothers you. Would you care if this was a random person living in Europe? No. So, why do you care? Why can you not focus on your life versus comparing to others. Every family is different along with parent and kid personalities.

You’re being obtuse. It bothers her because it is obnoxious aggressive rude and is designed to bother her. Stop blaming the recipient of bad behavior for calling it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle one-uppers in your day-to-day life? You know, the type where no matter what, they've got you beat - they are busier, they have less free time, their kids sleep less. You have a work trip that is logistically hard for your family? Their DH is going on four work trips in the next month! This isn't just limited to things being hard -- their kids are also the smartest, the most athletic, etc.

Assume this is a relationship where simply avoiding them won't work. Is there an easy way to shut this down? Ignoring it isn't working.

The question you need to answer is why does it bother you? You CHOOSE what bothers you. Would you care if this was a random person living in Europe? No. So, why do you care? Why can you not focus on your life versus comparing to others. Every family is different along with parent and kid personalities.

You’re being obtuse. It bothers her because it is obnoxious aggressive rude and is designed to bother her. Stop blaming the recipient of bad behavior for calling it out.

OP here. Basically, this is why. It is really aggressive and dominates group conversations - think social gatherings, kid activities where parents are talking, bus stop, etc. I will also admit I am really struggling with juggling my day-to-day life right now and it would be nice to have some empathy instead of "Oh yeah!?! Well my life is harder!!" Obviously, I can find that elsewhere or just deal with my own feelings myself but it doesn't help.

[Anonymous]

I don’t hang out with people like this.

DH has a few professional colleagues who are one uppers but not with kids. They are really annoying and I try to see and talk to them at a bare minimum.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. The three men I’m talking about try to one up others with their cars or trips or accomplishments. I have heard other people make fun of them. I’m not sure they even know they are being mocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Avoid talking to them as much as possible.

Yes. My MIL was like this. I tried not to discuss anything personal with her. I would change the topic to books, tv shows or even the weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle one-uppers in your day-to-day life? You know, the type where no matter what, they've got you beat - they are busier, they have less free time, their kids sleep less. You have a work trip that is logistically hard for your family? Their DH is going on four work trips in the next month! This isn't just limited to things being hard -- their kids are also the smartest, the most athletic, etc.

Assume this is a relationship where simply avoiding them won't work. Is there an easy way to shut this down? Ignoring it isn't working.

The question you need to answer is why does it bother you? You CHOOSE what bothers you. Would you care if this was a random person living in Europe? No. So, why do you care? Why can you not focus on your life versus comparing to others. Every family is different along with parent and kid personalities.

Oh, be quiet.

[Anonymous]

Continue to one up them until everyone sounds ridiculous. You can have a good laugh and move on.

[Anonymous]

I had friends who were always having some sort of crisis, such that they in essence required themselves to be centered in any conversation. Like everything was a dire moment. After a while it felt like I was just a therapist who got trauma-dumped on constantly. Backing away from those friends has cleared a lot of room in my life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they do this to commiserate?