Does your mom habitually share negative news?
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Anonymous
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Or your dad?
I mean actual news stories, not updates from people you or your parent knows. And usually not about current events, like what's happening on the world stage, or in your or your parent's town. I mean along the lines of, usually without context, a screenshot of a news story about a gory public suicide ten states over, or a whole family drowning while on vacation overseas, or really any freak accident that takes place anywhere between Indiana and Indonesia. Perhaps sometimes the news is more... relevant, like when you're pregnant, so your mom starts to include news stories being sent about crazed women "befriending" a pregnant woman only to carve the fetus out of the womb to claim as her own. Or when your brother is on his honeymoon in Mexico, so the news stories hitting the family group chat switch to screenshots of a drowning at the very beach upon which the newlyweds now frolic, or cartel violence anywhere in Mexico. If you have this kind of mom or dad, I'm wondering what they are like otherwise- are they generally kind and caring people? Or a narcissist? Or majorly anxious, but well meaning? Do you see it as an extension of his or her love for you ("once you become a parent, the worry never stops, even when they're grown!"), or something else? I'm curious. |
Anonymous
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Yes, and it's because she's bored. Truly.
Retired, never really had friends or social connections, and now sits on an iPad all day long and has nothing but time. I don't think she sees that it comes across as weird (but it does). |
Anonymous
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Yes. My mom does this.
And even worse, at family gatherings, the conversation will be rolling. Talking about one of the grand's soccer games or the HS play or just anything light and casual and then she jumps in: "Two teens died in a car accident last weekend" "Oh, wow, Mom, did they live in your neighborhood? I didn't hear of this" "No, they were from West Virginia. Just so sad" "Oh, yeah....that is sad" |
Anonymous
Omg! This was my mom this past Xmas. “My bank (TD) was robbed!” “Wow! The branch you go to?” “No, the one in <town 30 miles away>.” Cut to my WTF face… |
Anonymous
| Yes |
Anonymous
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Yes, my mom loves to start conversations by talking about tragic news events and soliciting your opinion. She'll dive right in on Ukraine or the Israel-Palestinian conflict or a police killing or something. I've told her explicitly that I don't always feel like talking about heavy stuff like that, and I'll just say "can we talk about something lighter?" And then she'll get mad and accuse me of ignoring tragedy in the world. I read the news, I'm well informed, but what the heck is the point of my mom and I spending 30 minutes talking about how sad war is. We're not solving anything, we're just bumming ourselves out. I make sure I know what's going on before I vote, give money to a cause, or speak out on a controversial subject (which I rarely do because most of the time I don't think my voice is really needed). But I don't sit around giving myself an existential crisis by dwelling on sad stuff. I have a job and kids and a mortgage.
I think old people do this because they DON'T have enough stuff to occupy their time and they are looking for meaning or truth in these stories. I've told my mom that if this stuff upsets her, she should find a way to get involved -- volunteer with an organization that helps war refugees or something. But she won't. She just wants to talk about it and say "I don't know what the world is coming to, it's so sad" and for me to parrot that. No thank you. I do not have the bandwidth for whatever that is. |
Anonymous
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My mom and MIL both do it. It's from anxiety.
One recent example: I was pregnant with my first after a long TTC struggle. One day during a visit with MIL she just randomly started telling me this horror story of a birth where forceps were used and it went terribly wrong. I knew it was her anxiety speaking, but the story made me queasy and I gently told her that I'm not the right person for that kind of story. |
Anonymous
This thread makes me chuckle. My dad does this same thing. I didn’t realize it was a common thing. I have had to explicitly tell him that I myself have a lot of anxiety. Please share things relevant to your life, but I can’t process all the negative news all around the world. |
Anonymous
| Yup. It's boredom and anxiety, but it's also an attention-seeking behavior. She feels she needs the "oomph" of something scary or important to get your attention. |
Anonymous
| My mom liked to share things that she had a strong reaction to, and they're usually bad news or emotionally wrenching drama on tv. I vividly remember one time I traveled to visit her and she insisted that I watch a tv drama series that she found compelling. Within 3 minutes one of the protagonists was violently killed in the most gruesome way with lots of other gratuitously violence thrown in. I was seriously WTF at her and tried to talk to her about it. But she was unrepentant. |
Anonymous
| Old people don't understand algorithms. They click on terrible news so they get more of it and then they think the End Times are here and vote Republican because they've terrorized themselves with their online habits. |
Anonymous
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Yup, my mom sends disturbing news stories and sad stories about local friends and acquaintances. I need a Xanax after getting off the phone with her.
The best was when we all went out to a Mexican restaurant years ago and she started to talk about ISIS executing people. Pass the salsa. |
Anonymous
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So some of you have parents who do this who are otherwise kind/caring people, just rather anxious and/or bored? That's what I'm wondering.
Or do they also generally revel in the misfortunes of others (their children, spouse, "friends," coworkers?) |
Anonymous
The former. Also they can't read the room. |
Anonymous
| There was a period she would tell long sad stories that ended with "and then he/she died" but it was about some sad soul she once knew. Somehow the tragic stories were endless, how did she know so many ill fated people |