Back in the hospital for round four

[Anonymous]

Fourth hospitalization in 16 months for my 82 year old mom who suffers from dementia. This time for UTI and sepsis, five weeks ago was a fall, internal bleeding and fractures in the pelvis. She just got out of rehab 1.5 weeks ago and moved into memory care.

My work is grumbling, my brother is worthless and I’m about at my wits end. I don’t have much more of anything left to give. I’m tapped. I call uncle.

[Anonymous]

That’s horrible, I’m sorry. FMLA? I know it’s not that simple.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself and don’t let the hospital or nursing home staff push you around about it.

You’re probably near the end of the road here. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not torture. It is. The only way out is through, so just keep going as best you can. Things won’t get “better,” but you’ll get to a new plateau again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s horrible, I’m sorry. FMLA? I know it’s not that simple.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself and don’t let the hospital or nursing home staff push you around about it.

You’re probably near the end of the road here. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not torture. It is. The only way out is through, so just keep going as best you can. Things won’t get “better,” but you’ll get to a new plateau again.

I actually dropped the FMLA paperwork off at the doctors last week and was planning on picking it up Monday.

Nothing in my life could have ever prepared me for how incredibly hard this is. Kids? That was a choice. I’d think if my spouse was in this situation it would be easier to handle- again, a choice. But a parent? No choice there, someone has to be responsible.

[Anonymous]

You are a great person. So sorry that your love is requiring so much sacrifice right now.

Your mom is blessed to have you. 🤗

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fourth hospitalization in 16 months for my 82 year old mom who suffers from dementia. This time for UTI and sepsis, five weeks ago was a fall, internal bleeding and fractures in the pelvis. She just got out of rehab 1.5 weeks ago and moved into memory care.

My work is grumbling, my brother is worthless and I’m about at my wits end. I don’t have much more of anything left to give. I’m tapped. I call uncle.

That’s hard. I don’t have anything to add except to let you know you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

I remember one particular day when husband and I each had an elderly parent go into the hospital for an emergency. Who goes? Who's more likely to die? What about the kids at home?

Op, dementia and memory care = she doesn't know the concept of time. Take a breath. Go only when you are ready and able. Some elders would be transported back to their facility, after their hospitalization ends, without a family member accompanying them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s horrible, I’m sorry. FMLA? I know it’s not that simple.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself and don’t let the hospital or nursing home staff push you around about it.

You’re probably near the end of the road here. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not torture. It is. The only way out is through, so just keep going as best you can. Things won’t get “better,” but you’ll get to a new plateau again.

I actually dropped the FMLA paperwork off at the doctors last week and was planning on picking it up Monday.

Nothing in my life could have ever prepared me for how incredibly hard this is. Kids? That was a choice. I’d think if my spouse was in this situation it would be easier to handle- again, a choice. But a parent? No choice there, someone has to be responsible.

I’m with you 100%. I’ve been doing it for over 10 years. I’m exhausted and empty.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. Is your mother far away from you? Do you have to be there for all the transports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry OP. Is your mother far away from you? Do you have to be there for all the transports?

She’s only about ten minutes up the road. I moved her closer a few years ago after years of commuting an hour or more each way every time she couldn’t figure out how to do something she used to know how to do.

I like to be there for the transports due to her inability to communicate not only needs but who she is (things like her arm is perpetually sore due to arthritis so she’s best to approach from the opposite side and she needs things explained like she’s a toddler in order to get her to cooperate). Ambulance transfer is easy but I now have to pay a company to transfer her by wheelchair because she no longer has the strength to get in and out of the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s horrible, I’m sorry. FMLA? I know it’s not that simple.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself and don’t let the hospital or nursing home staff push you around about it.

You’re probably near the end of the road here. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not torture. It is. The only way out is through, so just keep going as best you can. Things won’t get “better,” but you’ll get to a new plateau again.

I actually dropped the FMLA paperwork off at the doctors last week and was planning on picking it up Monday.

Nothing in my life could have ever prepared me for how incredibly hard this is. Kids? That was a choice. I’d think if my spouse was in this situation it would be easier to handle- again, a choice. But a parent? No choice there, someone has to be responsible.

I’m with you 100%. I’ve been doing it for over 10 years. I’m exhausted and empty.

I can’t even imagine 10 years. I’m so sorry. I hope you are able to find some time for you in there somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked into what kinds of medical care that can be declined? It seems like you're drawing out the inevitable.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. I recall your last post.

Have you considered hospice? It would be a mercy in this situation.

[Anonymous]

We just went through this with my mom, OP. It's soul crushing and exhausting. Take care of yourself, outsource what you can and join the FB group "Working Daughter".

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. I went through this with my dad. After the 3rd or 4th hospitalization I involved hospice. It was such a difficult choice, but I knew he wasn't living the life that he wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s horrible, I’m sorry. FMLA? I know it’s not that simple.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself and don’t let the hospital or nursing home staff push you around about it.

You’re probably near the end of the road here. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not torture. It is. The only way out is through, so just keep going as best you can. Things won’t get “better,” but you’ll get to a new plateau again.

I actually dropped the FMLA paperwork off at the doctors last week and was planning on picking it up Monday.

Nothing in my life could have ever prepared me for how incredibly hard this is. Kids? That was a choice. I’d think if my spouse was in this situation it would be easier to handle- again, a choice. But a parent? No choice there, someone has to be responsible.

I had a friend who articulated it really and I wish you could the same words. On the kids v. parent comparison, it wasn't really about choice as much as the stage of life. Kids are intense but this intensity is the start of life and positive blossoming. The parental intensity is negative, there is no hope of blooming.