Elementary school = busy social life for parents

[Anonymous]

Did you have a big shift when your kids went off to elementary school in terms of your own social life? Now that many people are out of the baby phase there’s dinners and lunches several times a week for all the moms in my kids’ elementary school. I’m trying to find a good balance with this. If your school has a similar situation how often do you typically socialize with other parents (sans kids)? Some are good friends but some are more acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

Dinners and lunches several times per week with the parents in your kids’ class? That’s a lot! I do a dinner with a close group in my oldest’s class maybe once every 2 months. We also get our families together with as a larger group once every couple of months as well. I have a similar smaller group of moms I am close with in my youngests class - we tend to meet up once a month for a morning walk or lunch, sometimes a dinner.

[Anonymous]

Lunches several times a week? Don't y'all have jobs?

[Anonymous]

Not for me. Maybe I’m just the loser no one invites though. 😉

The social thing at our elementary is hanging around chatting at drop off/pickup. But I work and my kids do aftercare, so I can’t do that.

[Anonymous]

My kids' school is full of 2 working parent households, so I can't even fathom this. There is some sort of social event suggested for parents maybe once every 3 months or so?

Otoh there are very active group chats for people organizing kids activities. Like on a Saturday, there will always be some back and forth about whether people want to meet at a park, go to an event, etc.

[Anonymous]

This is not the case for me but I’m not in the ‘in’ group of moms who are all friends because they SAH and are member of the same club. I work full time and have a busy schedule with kids outside of working hours so I don’t have tons of time for adult socializing. Usually our socializing with other adults happens with the whole family. And maybe an adults only social thing with our friends once every 2 or 3 months.

[Anonymous]

My group of friends hangs out at Scout meetings and basketball practice. We do have a D&D group and someone hosts a fire pit once am onth or so when the weather is right. But I would say our friend group is more connected to Scouts then it is school, although all the boys are at the same school.

[Anonymous]

Never. I mean there might have been a mom's night organized one time before Covid. I only socialize with my kids' friends' parents, but usually it involves the kids as well.

[Anonymous]

Op - this is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - this is not the norm.

I meant OP, this is not the norm. I'm a NP.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not a thing at my kids school(unless I’m just unaware of it). People talk at dropoff/pickup, events, and then have some socialization together outside of school. The kids may hangout together more.

[Anonymous]

I have elementary kids and I do not socialize with acquaintances from their school. I most socialize with friends I had from before kids (though many of them also have kids now). And I spend a lot more time alone than I used to. Which I like. I feel like my time at work and with my kids is a lot of people asking me for things, needing me to be "on" in a specific way. I relish just being on my own and having no one demanding my attention at all.

No way would I engage in multiple friend dates a week at this stage of life (maybe when I'm retired) and I definitely don't have the time or energy for hanging out with people I only know a little, because our kids go to school together or something. I can be friendly and pleasant when I see them at school or kid activities -- I have nothing against them. But I'm not trying to make friends right now. I have enough friends and I'm very busy and tired.

[Anonymous]

Yikes—several times a week? That sounds completely unappealing, but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

We chat with neighbors at the bus stop and aftercare pick up and might have a mom's night out for our kids' grade a couple of times a school year (the dads less frequently because they're not as organized). We say hi or sometimes chat at practices or games or scouts. We text occasionally to coordinate rides or playdates (infrequent given other activities) or to check on logistics for activities/parties.

A few families we are closer with and/or neighbors might do a weekend-evening social event with or without kids every once in awhile. But lunches and multiple events during the week? No. (Most of us are 2-working-parent families though, WFH/WOH/hybrid.)

[Anonymous]

Would love to be a lady who lunches, but alas, I have a job.

This is definitely a thing among those who stay at home at a certain income level. There are ways to opt out of this if it's not for you.