Experienced parents - talk to me about hormones/moods and early puberty

[Anonymous]

My DD is newly 8 (second grade) and developing earlier than her friends. Not looking for a discussion about how early is too early, or how/whether to treat, etc. She has a genetic predisposition so we were monitoring closely, and is in good hands medically. I'm asking for help and guidance from more experienced parents about the moods and emotions, and their timing and how to handle them. She's just starting to develop breast buds, but we've been noticing some REALLY strong emotions and a marked shift in her attitude for a few months now. She seems to have these very sudden shifts in moods and gets weepy or very angry (at me her mom mostly) quickly, then they pass. And she's also having more arguments with friends and just has more tone and attitude with us.

In hindsight, yeah, it's probably the hormones kicking in. But it's hard because her friends aren't going through any of this yet, and MY friends just can't relate because even those with older daughters in fourth or fifth grade are just getting into it too, and it's awkward to talk about these things when my kid is the age of the younger sibling. So it's just very lonely and scary for us (let alone her, though I don't think she's completely aware of it yet. That convo is coming.)

When did you notice the moods and emotions with your daughters, in respect to when you started noticing physical development? Does this sound like what you experienced with moods in puberty with your girls? Any advice for handling these emotional changes?

[Anonymous]

You have GOT to read this book. I read it when DD was 8, and she sounds a lot like your daughter. The book made parenting her ten times easier.

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have GOT to read this book. I read it when DD was 8, and she sounds a lot like your daughter. The book made parenting her ten times easier.

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073

Thanks, PP, I just ordered it.

[Anonymous]

My daughter developed early and got her period at 9, about a month before she turned 10. I was pretty freaked out too since she had been developing and was by far the first. Everyone is different but it was about a year from the first development to her period. She handled it all very well and I tried to remain calm. I got her this book about puberty, which I think was recommended here and was about changes and could be appropriate for younger girls. Celebrate your Body. https://www.amazon.com/dp/164152166X/ref=tsm_1_tp_tc

As for mood swings, yes, I definitely noticed them but they went way way way up when she was in 6th-7th grade. She had her period for a long time by then but that’s when the hormones fully kicked in. DH and I had to constantly remember to not take it personal, sometimes we had to walk away and give her space and then have conversations later when she was calm about better ways situations could be handled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter developed early and got her period at 9, about a month before she turned 10. I was pretty freaked out too since she had been developing and was by far the first. Everyone is different but it was about a year from the first development to her period. She handled it all very well and I tried to remain calm. I got her this book about puberty, which I think was recommended here and was about changes and could be appropriate for younger girls. Celebrate your Body. https://www.amazon.com/dp/164152166X/ref=tsm_1_tp_tc

As for mood swings, yes, I definitely noticed them but they went way way way up when she was in 6th-7th grade. She had her period for a long time by then but that’s when the hormones fully kicked in. DH and I had to constantly remember to not take it personal, sometimes we had to walk away and give her space and then have conversations later when she was calm about better ways situations could be handled.

OP here. Oh goodness, only a year between first signs and her period? We're still waiting on test results, but I hope she has more time than that. Almost 9 feels a LOT younger than almost 10, which still feels way too young. And darn, I was sort of hoping we'd just be through the worst of the hormones by middle school. Sounds like those hormonal/emotional changes were just prolonged, not advanced like her physical development?

Sigh, this is so much to process.

[Anonymous]

No need to be scared! She’s a healthy girl going through a normal maturation process.

My DS is earlier (and younger!) than all of his friends. I’m slightly worried that he’ll be shorter than average but we deal with the hormonal stuff as it comes. He’s still just a kid.

[Anonymous]

I’ll just say I have two daughters, neither developed particularly early, but 8 is a HARD year emotionally. For all 8 yos. Regardless of how the development is playing in, it’s a weird hormonal age and everyone struggles through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll just say I have two daughters, neither developed particularly early, but 8 is a HARD year emotionally. For all 8 yos. Regardless of how the development is playing in, it’s a weird hormonal age and everyone struggles through it.

+1. Mine (now 10) isn't developing early but 8 was an emotionally rough year. It's a big age for transitions both physical and social.

I'm still on the middle of all this but FWIW, I apologize often, give hugs often, say yes when I can. I also laugh at her sometimes which is probably not recommended but sometimes the tantrums are absurd and I can see she kinda knows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll just say I have two daughters, neither developed particularly early, but 8 is a HARD year emotionally. For all 8 yos. Regardless of how the development is playing in, it’s a weird hormonal age and everyone struggles through it.

Thanks, PP. I do hear that as well and it adds more uncertainty to this entire situation. Maybe it's normal hormones after all? But the mood swings and anger are not something my friends are experiencing with their 8 year olds, so who knows. It's not just big feelings, it's whiplash inducing reactions and anger/sensitivity that makes her feel like WE'RE doing it to her. And constant tears over...anything and everything? But again, what do I know. Would be easier to judge if she was my second girl, or if all of my friends were complaining about their daughters' at the same time.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old now is a pill. She’s definitely starting mood swings, attitude, etc. When she was 8 she was a dream. Wtf happened?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter developed early and got her period at 9, about a month before she turned 10. I was pretty freaked out too since she had been developing and was by far the first. Everyone is different but it was about a year from the first development to her period. She handled it all very well and I tried to remain calm. I got her this book about puberty, which I think was recommended here and was about changes and could be appropriate for younger girls. Celebrate your Body. https://www.amazon.com/dp/164152166X/ref=tsm_1_tp_tc

As for mood swings, yes, I definitely noticed them but they went way way way up when she was in 6th-7th grade. She had her period for a long time by then but that’s when the hormones fully kicked in. DH and I had to constantly remember to not take it personal, sometimes we had to walk away and give her space and then have conversations later when she was calm about better ways situations could be handled.

OP here. Oh goodness, only a year between first signs and her period? We're still waiting on test results, but I hope she has more time than that. Almost 9 feels a LOT younger than almost 10, which still feels way too young. And darn, I was sort of hoping we'd just be through the worst of the hormones by middle school. Sounds like those hormonal/emotional changes were just prolonged, not advanced like her physical development?

Sigh, this is so much to process.

You are replying to me and I didn’t mean to worry you. It was all I knew since she was my only daughter and you will learn with kids, you just deal with all of the twists and turns and surprises that happen.

Unfortunately the middle school hormones were a lot just like all of the girls but that’s always a rough time. Here’s something positive, by the time her friends and cousins starting getting their periods my daughter was really comfortable with hers and felt good and self confident about being able to help them out with things that work well for her, like certain products and how to handle the pool etc.