Does it get easier?

[Anonymous]

When kids go to college, are out there living their lives, does it get easier to sort of return to being your own person and not worry so much about them? I am a ball of nerves with teens, always anxious about them, school, drama with friends, their moods are so up and down...It is such a tough phase and I wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Anonymous]

In my case we got the kids launched and immediately launched into elder care which is significantly less fun and not particularly rewarding. Kinda sucks

[Anonymous]

Reporting from the light at the end of the tunnel! It gets so much easier! DC turned 20 this year and night and day difference from even 18 months ago! Years 14-19 sucked, high drama, high hormones and histrionics, I was the project manager of Everything and dh was perpetually schlepping. We were exhausted. Now Life is so pleasant, date nights have returned, Lots of gym time, lots of volunteering, etc etc I worry about DC much much less. They follow up with college advisors, mentors and recruiters all on their own (I never thought I’d see the day!!!) so yes, Get them to early twenties and life is yours again. Hang in there OP!

[Anonymous]

It depends on your children.

In our case, we have two children that required extra time to launch - partly because of Covid and partly because of their SNs. One is basically launched and the other will hopefully be by this time next year.

Our elder care crunch happened when they were in HS so we will not have that, although our care seemed to have flared up.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I gained back all that admin time. You know driving them everywhere, sports events, school events, paperwork/forms, loving mom reminders of doing homework. Do I worry, yes I am still their mom, but really only when I get the university alert for an issue on campus. Now I am more of an advisor. I listen and only give feedback when requested.

[Anonymous]

I was never so anxious about my kids. But you know what would be really anxiety producing? Not witnessing them learning to take care of themselves before you weren’t there. Not seeing them develop interests and skills that will carry them into adulthood and make them successful. Not having them make mistakes when you are there to help them fix it. I don’t have any anxiety about my kids who are launching. As for my kid with mental illness who may never be independent, that fills me with dread.

[Anonymous]

err my kids are in college and both of them are going through it right now, so lots of texts and phone calls. Most of the time though, yes, I am left to focus on me. That's pretty dang boring though!

[Anonymous]

This sounds more like a you issue, OP. If you are that deep into their decisions and drama in high school, you are probably going to stay that way as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When kids go to college, are out there living their lives, does it get easier to sort of return to being your own person and not worry so much about them? I am a ball of nerves with teens, always anxious about them, school, drama with friends, their moods are so up and down...It is such a tough phase and I wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It does. Freshman year is worse but then you get used to it. Obviously, as their parents, you'll always worry about them for one reason or another but more independent they become, less paranoia will go down.

You'll improve with time but you'll truly relax once they get employe, addition of good partners in their lives, also helps as you know somebody got their back.

[Anonymous]

There is a reason people grow and mature during college, they learn to make their own independent decisions and deal with consequences, without parents always there trying to coach, influence and save them. As grown adult they need to be their own person, not our photocopies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my case we got the kids launched and immediately launched into elder care which is significantly less fun and not particularly rewarding. Kinda sucks

This is me too. The youngest tag teamed my mom as he walked out the door. So it gets way easier when the kids launch, and way, way more difficult when the elders age. Welcome to the sandwich generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case we got the kids launched and immediately launched into elder care which is significantly less fun and not particularly rewarding. Kinda sucks

This is me too. The youngest tag teamed my mom as he walked out the door. So it gets way easier when the kids launch, and way, way more difficult when the elders age. Welcome to the sandwich generation.

It must be really tough not to get a break but this too shall pass and hopefully good karma would help you in your old age.

In our family, fathers passed away early but mother and MIL are probably going to outlive us. Caregiving feels tough when your own aging process accelerates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When kids go to college, are out there living their lives, does it get easier to sort of return to being your own person and not worry so much about them? I am a ball of nerves with teens, always anxious about them, school, drama with friends, their moods are so up and down...It is such a tough phase and I wonder if there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It does. Freshman year is worse but then you get used to it. Obviously, as their parents, you'll always worry about them for one reason or another but more independent they become, less paranoia will go down.

You'll improve with time but you'll truly relax once they get employed, addition of good partners in their lives, also helps as you know somebody got their back.

Agree with this.

I was an anxious mess until the pieces started falling into place.

[Anonymous]

It does get easier but only if your kids “grow up” in college. Some kids just want to party and they flunk out and turn your life upside down. Thankfully, most kids do grow up.

[Anonymous]

I never stopped being my own person. That's really key here.