ASD, ADHD and “Ragestorms”
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Anonymous
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My 8-year old son is diagnosed ASD and ADHD. He is not on any medication. He attends public school and by all accounts is perfectly behaved at school. His teachers really do seem to genuinely like him. But when he gets home from school, and on the weekends, it is a different story. If something triggers him, like Minecraft, or his older sister disagreeing with him about something, he can go into rages that can be scary at times. Sometimes he will apologize later, but not always. He also has a tendency to gaslight and say he didn’t do something when everyone saw him do it. Sometimes he will admit to it, but sometimes he will lie about it. In those moments, he is so forceful that I think he may actually believe what he is saying.
Anyway, we’re desperate to get this under control now so that he can become a functional adult, but I don’t know the best way to go about it. If you have lived through this, what worked for you? What was the best way to cope with the ragestorms in the moment? Did you find a medication that worked? Would appreciate any help. Thanks! |
Anonymous
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The good thing is - denials aside - he really does know what's happening, which is why he holds it together at school. He feels safer at home to let it go. Sucks to be at home with him when he does, though.
Check with a doc about some med trials. Know that some meds won't help the moods, some will make them worse, and it's a lot of trial and error. We went through a half dozen before landing on our mix - took a good ped psychiatrist to find it. Are you working with a psychologist? For yourself and for him? Also make sure he's fed and rested. A snack for the ride/walk home if you can manage it. Some quiet downtime right after school. Tired, hangry kids can be especially moody. Sports? Running around can really help with moods. And CHADD is a really good resource. https://chadd.org/ Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Gaslighting is a negative word, it implies maliciousness and a deep plan. When he denies blame, he is not gaslighting. He is unable to admit responsibility so he denies, strongly and irrationally.
This is a part of rejection sensitive dysphoria as well as inflexibility and difficulties in metacognition. |
Anonymous
| Ditch the screens. |
Anonymous
| What is he eating? Eliminate everything processed, no added sugar. |
Anonymous
OP here. This is admittedly a big part of the problem. He will only eat a few things with protein and typically won’t eat until he is absolutely famished. His mind is always racing it seems, so if he is not ready to eat he just won’t eat. I pack a lot of options in his school lunch but he will eat only a fraction of it and leave the rest untouched. But I really would love to get this better regulated because his mood does improve a bit after eating. |
Anonymous
| You need to start trialing meds ASAP. Your kid needs the meds to help things settle down. As he settles down, you need to work on sleep, eating habits, etc. but get to the doctor and start trialing meds ASAP |
Anonymous
| I think one part of this, probably not the whole part but one part, is low blood sugar from the hunger. Lots of people get angry when their blood sugar drops, it sounds like that may be a trigger. |
Anonymous
Second this. However, strongly disagree with the PP who said eliminate processed foods and sugar. When you're dealing with low-blood-sugar-induced meltdowns, ANY calories are good calories. (Note I am not talking about low blood sugar due to diabetes or other medical conditions!) I keep fun-sized snickers and reeses cups everywhere to hand over when I see these coming. (For us, it's important not to *ask* if they want it - just hand it over, unwrapped even, to make the eating of it as quick and painless as possible.) It is even better, however, if you can stave them off at the pass, but I understand firsthand how hard it is to get a kid like this to eat regularly. We dealt with a drop off the growth chart and worked with a nutritionist to bring him back up - and she was the one who encouraged me not to be afraid of sugar. She also pointed us to liquid options - homemade yogurt smoothies, chocolate milk with added protein, meal replacement shakes (Boost Plus and Bolthouse Farms are popular here). Look for other triggers as well - some that we see a lot are too-quick transitions, being asked to stop in the middle of something, any type of disappointment (friend cancelled, game lost, bad grade, etc.). You can't always avoid them, but you can soften them if you see them coming. I find it helpful to think of their ability to handle things as like a cumulative balloon of stress/resilience - things build up over the course of a day (and other things can relieve some tension), but sometimes even something seemingly small can stretch you past the breaking point. And once they pass that point, they really do lose most of their control - their brains are in fight or flight mode, unable to reason . Sometimes they may not actually remember! We try really hard not to blame or punish for these moments. And as you begin to learn their stressors and how to reduce them, the frequency will drop off. |
Anonymous
| For us meds made it possible to work on everything else. They also gave my kid that pause to choose their reaction instead of just being in flight or fight. It really is better to try meds before things totally fall apart- it can take awhile to get an appointment with a ped. psych or dev. ped., you might need to try a few different combos or work your way up to the right dose, and most importantly the less someone has to “unlearn” a behavior pattern the faster they can move forward. Right now your kid is holding it together at school and doesn’t seem to be having academic or social consequences, but one big dramatic outburst could really change that. You can always stop any meds, but you can’t go back in time to start them. |
Anonymous
| op can you describe these ragestorms more? What happens, what does he describe feeling, what does he do? |
Anonymous
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thirding those who say food is key.
Mine is SO MEAN when hungry. way way WAY meaner than an nt kid. |
Anonymous
So he's eating sugar and carbs. That's a problem. |
Anonymous
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YES to the poster that said “meds allowed us to work on everything else.” There is no magic med to fix it, but if u can get a med that helps enough, then your kiddo can work with u and a therapist on strategies.
After many meds made him nauseous my son ended up on low dose haloperidol for a little more than 3 years (kind of uncommon these days says our psychiatrist). Haloperidol allowed him to finally able to do the work of therapy and practicing strategies. He’s now 13… on ADHD meds (Concerta) and anxiety meds (Zoloft). Things aren’t perfect but OMG it’s way better. He does things now like take a shower to calm down. On his own. It’s so so so so much better. Haloperidol is what allowed him to access the strategies to help himself. And then we figured out his current meds while still on that low dose of haloperidol… and then we eventually removed it. |
Anonymous
OP here. It usually goes like this: Something will trigger him, like a negative outcome in Minecraft, he will scream, we ask him if everything is okay because he seems upset, and that will lead to an even bigger meltdown. He often yells “I hate you!” in these moments. It is just so over the top it kind of blows my mind. My parents would have never allowed me to talk to them this way, and yet here we are absorbing it on an almost daily basis. I am totally consumed with fear that it just going to get worse and he will become a monstrous adult. I hope that someday his brain will flip a switch and he will figure out how to shut off the rage, but maybe that’s naive and medication is the only way out. |