Mid-life and health and sandwich gen
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Anonymous
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We are two working parents and feel like life is always a bit of juggle. I was going through my journals and kind of realized things really were nonstop.
Is it alway like this or do people get some boring years to focus on kids and career? Along with the normal life, changes of four job changes, and three moves, midlife seems to have a disruptive event every six months - year: 2008 First child 2009 parent cancer, diagnosis 2010 parent dies of cancer 2011 spouses parent brain surgery for benign tumor 2012 second child 2012 2nd parent hospitalized 2013 2nd parent dies 2013 Bell’s palsy 2013 broken arm 2013 sibling suicide attempt and descent into disability and near homelessness 2014. Chronic auto immune disorder. 2015 miscarriage 2016 third child 2017 buy first home 2018 year long irritable bowel syndrome attacks 2019 start home renovation 2020 pandemic and then just toss it all up in the air |
Anonymous
| No, that’s not normal. |
Anonymous
Well that’s a relief, since we feel so overwhelmed. Post pandemic is a little better, except I developed a rare disease (like 50k patients ever), but so far doesn’t look like it will kill me so that is a small win. |
Anonymous
That’s a huge win! |
Anonymous
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No, not normal.
I will say perhaps it would benefit you to really focus on simplifying your life. Three kids will always be hard, but try to cut back obligations where you can. |
Anonymous
| I'd say it's typical for those who have kids in their thirties and forties. I had my kids in my early twenties, by the time I was dealing with health issues such as you describe and very elderly parents my kids were grown and willing and able to help. |
Anonymous
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I’m with you OP.
2014 helped mom rehab and sell an investment property she owned, dad was unable to help 2015 dad died of cancer 2016 separated from my husband of 18 years 2016 helped mom sell another investment property 2017 divorce finalized 2018-2019 elderly dog can’t do stairs, slept in dining room until his passing 2019 helped mom sell my childhood home and move to a condo 2020 kid goes to college, mom tag teams and becomes incredibly needy 2020 mom falls and needs rotator cuff surgery that she never fully recovers from- her fault because she didn’t do anything she was told to do 2021 moved mom again 4/22 moved mom to independent living 11/22 mom has knee surgery which completely exacerbates her dementia 4/23 mom back in the hospital for suspected stroke, tests find old stroke but no reason for disorientation 5/23 moved mom to assisted living 12/23 mom falls and breaks pelvis, hospital stay followed by rehab leading to: 1/24 moving mom to memory care (if you’re counting that’s five moves for her in five years) Work is starting to grumble, I’m considering putting in for FMLA so at least my job will be protected. Mid-life has been really, really tough. For perspective though when I start to get down I have to realize there’s always someone going through something worse. I wouldn’t wish worse on anyone but unfortunately that’s life. |
Anonymous
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I just try to roll with it but it’s tough esp as an older parent. We have some timeline overlaps…
2009-kid 1 born yay! Wow it’s hard! 2012-kid 2 born at the start of the year. Then…. Dh loses job. Twice. Kid #1 dx with autism, my dad gets cancer and my stepdad dies . I turned down dream job which requires move because we had too much going on. 2013-child mental health crisis; mother gets lymphoma 2014- mother in law breaks hip, does surgery and lives with us to recover. 2015- we move to small town in different state for job, better quality of life but job turns out to be nightmare (leadership turnover within weeks of my arrival) 2016: trump and the start of doom scrolling instead of healthy habits 2019: we move again for better job for me and dh starts commuting every other week . start to get settled and MIL falls, surgery wheelchair and needs to move near us to high level of care. 2020. FIL dies from Covid; my dad has heart attack but survives. 2 of 3 kids mental health crises again. I have bad return of chronic health issues 2021: my mom declining, I move her out of house across country and assume care of her the same month I start new job. 2022: things feel like finally getting better but then mom formally dx with mid stage Alzheimer’s, dad has series of strokes, I get dx with aneurysm and told to try to not get stressed out  .
Three of four parents alive but just barely, two working parents with tween teen and young adult kids, and not enough money for us to stop working. |
Anonymous
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I mean, over here-
2019- 4th baby and move 2020- terrible pandemic lockdowns (NY) 2021- help mom move from condo to another state condo, mom in hospital with stroke states away 2022- huge, disastrous fight with in-laws, another long distance move out of state for our family (4 school aged kids) 2023- I moved mom to assisted living in a third state from previous moves, MIL had significant stroke and is in ICU in another state 2024- I’m afraid to ask. I feel y’all. I feel in my bones that bad times are ahead, right when the kid work is getting easier. |
Anonymous
| I just few so bad for all of us. This is a really difficult stage of life. I’m sorry for all of you who have had to deal with these struggles. |
Anonymous
Hugs. Highly relatable here. Too much for me to hash out here though I started threads and added to other threads. |
Anonymous
Do this! I have an FMLA case because of my dad. I rarely use it (his last fall was on a weekend) except for appts that I need to be at with my folks (big ones) but it gives me peace of mind knowing I have the FLMA stuff on file, for the inevitable time I will need it again. It's a...thing...being the filling in a sandwich, isn't it LOL! I try to remind myself to be happy my folks are still here with me and to work for a place that has FMLA. Not minimizing how hard this is-just trying to not get worn down over it. |