How would you have responded (odd mentee email)?

[Anonymous]

Through a professional organization I’m sometimes matched with young mentees. One reached out for job hunting advice in a long, rambling email that explained her involvement in all sorts of activities and programs. Many of them were unrelated to my profession/her major. There were also a few paragraphs about her personal problems - health, money, family. TMI. I ignored those and responded with some advice related to my profession, and some general advice about shaping her resume.

Now I’m wondering if I should have ignored the email. The personal information came off as very needy, victim like. And the rambling and disjointed activities make me wonder about her mental health. I tend to be too accepting of crazy, which is why I’m questioning whether I should have stayed out of all of it.

[Anonymous]

Ask for another match

[Anonymous]

Someone reached out to you for help and advice. You'd be a crappy mentor if you didn't offer it.

[Anonymous]

Your response sounds appropriate. If she continues to throw up red flags you disengage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your response sounds appropriate. If she continues to throw up red flags you disengage.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yikes, that post sent me straight to my last email to my mentors - it may have had some whining undertones and a couple of sentences too many about changes and prospects within my current office, but was anyof it person or TMI? Fortunately not.
OP, you owe it to that person to find a way to tell them exactly what you wrote here. "It sounds like you're dealing with a lot in and outside of the workplace. One of my first recommendations would be to try and compartmentalize what you communicate to whom. You will project more professionalism if you strictly cut the personal struggles out of the discussions with anyone in your professional network. It may take practice and a lot of thoughtfulness but it will pay off!"

[Anonymous]

I think young people are often trying to figure out the professional world.

What you think of as unrelated, she may have been trying to come to a mentor relationship seeking guidance as to what to disclose or as someone prior said, tell her to not mention.

I think from a mid-kate level career perspective I’d likely think a lot of entry level employees were odd in their disclosure but I would never ignore, how else will they learn appropriateness. I’d also look through a lens and think if you are potentially a generation removed, if your advice to disclose/not disclose may be dated since elderly millennials are now middle aged and often in senior organizational positions and may be more inclined to be accepting of things Boomers or Gen X’s would never have brought into the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think young people are often trying to figure out the professional world.

What you think of as unrelated, she may have been trying to come to a mentor relationship seeking guidance as to what to disclose or as someone prior said, tell her to not mention.

I think from a mid/late level career perspective I’d likely think a lot of entry level employees were odd in their disclosure but I would never ignore, how else will they learn appropriateness. I’d also look through a lens and think if you are potentially a generation removed, if your advice to disclose/not disclose may be dated since elderly millennials are now middle aged and often in senior organizational positions and may be more inclined to be accepting of things Boomers or Gen X’s would never have brought into the office.

Edit.

[Anonymous]

She’s probably just uneducated. Some people are brought up to complain about their problems because they think it will make rich people feel badly for them and give them special treatment, breaks and/or money.
Since she’s your mentee, you should have helped with the professional stuff, and also told her that in a professional world, it’s u professional to talk about personal problems.
If no one teaches her, she will never learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, that post sent me straight to my last email to my mentors - it may have had some whining undertones and a couple of sentences too many about changes and prospects within my current office, but was anyof it person or TMI? Fortunately not.
OP, you owe it to that person to find a way to tell them exactly what you wrote here. "It sounds like you're dealing with a lot in and outside of the workplace. One of my first recommendations would be to try and compartmentalize what you communicate to whom. You will project more professionalism if you strictly cut the personal struggles out of the discussions with anyone in your professional network. It may take practice and a lot of thoughtfulness but it will pay off!"

I agree but would say this in person and only after getting to know them a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, that post sent me straight to my last email to my mentors - it may have had some whining undertones and a couple of sentences too many about changes and prospects within my current office, but was anyof it person or TMI? Fortunately not.
OP, you owe it to that person to find a way to tell them exactly what you wrote here. "It sounds like you're dealing with a lot in and outside of the workplace. One of my first recommendations would be to try and compartmentalize what you communicate to whom. You will project more professionalism if you strictly cut the personal struggles out of the discussions with anyone in your professional network. It may take practice and a lot of thoughtfulness but it will pay off!"

OP doesn't owe anyone anything. It is good to give feedback but it isn't owed.

[Anonymous]

Within the range of normal, OP.
Young adults often do not know what to disclose and what’s relevant, and sometimes mentors don’t either.

My old boss was very shocked that his mentee disclosed very heavy and painful periods, but the reality is that it was affecting her work and she didn’t know how else to explain herself. Had she been mentored by the other manager down the hall, a very warm and maternal person, she would have been advised and cared for. With my old boss… not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, that post sent me straight to my last email to my mentors - it may have had some whining undertones and a couple of sentences too many about changes and prospects within my current office, but was anyof it person or TMI? Fortunately not.
OP, you owe it to that person to find a way to tell them exactly what you wrote here. "It sounds like you're dealing with a lot in and outside of the workplace. One of my first recommendations would be to try and compartmentalize what you communicate to whom. You will project more professionalism if you strictly cut the personal struggles out of the discussions with anyone in your professional network. It may take practice and a lot of thoughtfulness but it will pay off!"

OP doesn't owe anyone anything. It is good to give feedback but it isn't owed.

If they put that professional organization' mentorship matching on their resume, and if they respond to a mentee, yes, they ethically owe an honest effort at the job.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing this person is feeling lost and is trying a mentoring program as some sort of lifeline. I realize this is likely more than what you signed up for OP and maybe not even what the program was intended for. But I think you did the right thing by not ignoring them. Whatever they ultimately need may be beyond the scope of mentoring so I don’t think you need to take on all this person’s personal issues. But if you do keep in communication with them, I think it would be a kindness to help steer them toward streamlining professional communications and learning what to disclose.

As a side note, I wonder if this person has untreated ADHD (especially if a female). I think back to myself when I was younger and I had to reign in my tendency to overshare/over explain and could feel really overwhelmed by executive tasks (personal and professional ones). The rambling and oversharing strikes me as anxiety and/or ADHD.

[Anonymous]

I was assigned mentor to 4 women and one man. All young like 23-35.

Death of a parent, marriage issues, relationship issues, drama in workforce, medical issues, life issues was 80 percent of every discussion.

I had a 59 minute discussion none business related and in last 60 seconds I explained what you need to do to get promoted. He got promoted and left unburdened.

Problems get in the way of work

20 years later the 27 year old women I talked down off a cliff when she got pregnant and basically married a 1NS guy then it was twins and a bad marriage is not an SVP at Citigroup.