9-year-old still not showering independently without needing assistance

[Anonymous]

DD just turned 9 and still requires some assistance to properly shower. Specifically her issues are hair washing and amount of product used.

She’s been showering without me in the bathroom since about 6 or 7. We started working on hair washing but she’s not following through.

Either she’ll come out and clearly just partially wet her hair or she won’t rinse the soap out and her scalp will be flakey and itchy.

And with the products (body wash, shower gel, conditioner, shampoo) I swear she’ll just pour it into the bathtub. So wasteful.

We usually buy her the cheapest options because of this but for Christmas & Birthday she wanted nicer items so to see her waste a $16 bottle of nice shower gel kills me.

I know this is a small complaint. She’s generally very mature and helpful.

Is your 9-year-old able to complete these tasks? Am I expecting too much? I just don’t think I should still need to go in and wash her hair for her or micromanage her soap use after telling her numerous times over the past year how to get it done.

[Anonymous]

My older two, yes. My youngest still prefers baths and in the rare event I can wrangle them into the shower it takes like 20 -30 minutes. Youngest just takes forever to do pretty much everything unless I hover the entire time. It's just who she is at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her go back in and do it again. That’s what I do with my 7 year old. Also get pumps for the soap.

[Anonymous]

I might tell them that if she’s not behaving and showering as she’s supposed to you can go back to doing baths. Chances are that she will prefer to be independent and she will decide it’s better to follow the rules.

[Anonymous]

Yes, hair washing (and brushing) takes some children a long time to be able to do independently.

[Anonymous]

Its the kind of thing that generally kids do badly at first. You can either just wait for her to figure it out, or start teaching her. If you go this route, I would do this one step at a time, biggest issue first.
For the hair washing, she needs to call you when she has rinsed out the shampoo, and you can check.
For the product use, she may need different dispensers. Or you may need to predispense product into little reusable tubs for a while. Or its another checkpoint and when she has wet her hair and is ready to shampoo, she calls you, and sticks her hand out of the shower and you dispense the shampoo.

[Anonymous]

You’re expecting too much. She’s barely 9. Think about how many adults have regular salon visits to get their hair washed properly. I think you can either focus on independence OR micromanage how she uses the products. If you care so much about the products, put them in travel sized containers or give her a measuring spoon. Honestly, I think you should help her wash her hair.

FWIW though, I’m Black, and I’d expect to have to help with washing and styling hair at least until adolescence, and getting a pro when needed.

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old was fine at that age , I never helped her. My 10 year old still has problems getting the soap out, her hair would also still look dirty after it dried so I knew she wasn’t getting it done. So now I come in when she’s ready to get out and check her hair, if it’s soapy or I can tell it’s never been lathered or there’s conditioner still in , I just do it myself.
She also loves to use all of the products in the shower. I take all bottles of things that she will not need out of the shower before she gets in. Then she gets shampoo, conditioner, and a bar of soap. I don’t bother with a body wash anymore because she would waste so much.

[Anonymous]

I think shampooing especially long hair can be tricky for kids, even at that age. I'd encourage independence though. How about a check before she's done to make sure no suds in hair, etc.
Use bar soap/ shampoo bars if the product waste is concerning - it's better for the environment anyway.

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old cannot and also loves to waste products but it doesn't bother me. Once a week I make sure its done properly and otherwise just let them figure it out.

[Anonymous]

1. If this is your biggest issue rejoice
2. Like PP have suggested get pump bottles and fill
3. Shut up. Let her do this herself. She will figure it out. You are making a mountain out of nothing. She feels your stress of the money part

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. If this is your biggest issue rejoice
2. Like PP have suggested get pump bottles and fill
3. Shut up. Let her do this herself. She will figure it out. You are making a mountain out of nothing. She feels your stress of the money part

1 and 2, agreed. 3 -- totally unnecessary. OP doesn't seem that stressed about it (just kind of annoyed) and telling anyone to "shut up" is deeply immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re expecting too much. She’s barely 9. Think about how many adults have regular salon visits to get their hair washed properly. I think you can either focus on independence OR micromanage how she uses the products. If you care so much about the products, put them in travel sized containers or give her a measuring spoon. Honestly, I think you should help her wash her hair.

FWIW though, I’m Black, and I’d expect to have to help with washing and styling hair at least until adolescence, and getting a pro when needed.

Thank you. She’s my oldest and is very mature so sometimes I think I’m guilty of expecting too much of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think shampooing especially long hair can be tricky for kids, even at that age. I'd encourage independence though. How about a check before she's done to make sure no suds in hair, etc.
Use bar soap/ shampoo bars if the product waste is concerning - it's better for the environment anyway.

She has shoulder length, fine, straight hair so easily manageable but I’ll keep this in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old cannot and also loves to waste products but it doesn't bother me. Once a week I make sure its done properly and otherwise just let them figure it out.

I guess the natural consequence is if she wastes her nice products she won’t get more till the next gift giving season.

If she was more mindful I wouldn’t mine buying them more often.