People who complain a lot but refuse to do anything

[Anonymous]

If you have ever successfully dealt with a colleague, friend, neighbor, or family member who frequently complains about every little thing (including lots of things that most people just don't care about one way or another) but who also absolutely refuses to lift a finger to help address any of the stuff they complain about, can you share that story here. I need ideas and inspiration.

NOT talking about a situation where this person is your boss or employer and actually has some reason why essentially ordering you to do things is okay. Only talking about situations where everyone is basically on the same level but for whatever reason, this person has extremely high standards but views themself as being above doing anything to meet those standards.

Hoping to get some guidance to help me with a person like this in my life!

[Anonymous]

This is there normal mode of expression. They are not looking for help, maybe not even that much commiseration. They may not even realize how negatively they're coming across. It's a bad habit.

So if you're on good terms, you can remark that most of what they say is negative. If they're redeemable, they'll make an effort to change. If you're not on those terms, you'll have to ignore the litany and tune them out. Not even look at them or acknowledge them when they start on another complaint, and then only give them attention when they talk about something that impacts your work, or is positive in some way.

[Anonymous]

I have a lateral colleague like this. It’s truly awful. I spent two years trying to be friendly and gave up. Now I avoid avoid avoid unless it’s absolutely necessary. Her complaints were having a negative impact on my mental health after a while.

[Anonymous]

Colleague or neighbor - ignore
Friend or family member - Tell them their complaining is hard to take and ask them, “Tell me something good that happened today”. Or, call the Eeyore and maybe they will take the hint.

[Anonymous]

I just paraphrase back to them. My thinking is that they’re overly anxious and need affirmation that what they’re doing is good enough.

Complainer: I can’t believe how Sally thought this report was good enough to turn in. I would never turn in such crap.

You: So you feel you are much better at doing this work than Sally is and pay more attention to detail. Got it. I gotta run.