Any way to quell my mom’s anxiety?
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Anonymous
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I don’t know how to shut her down, and I’m so sick of her anxiety over this!
Long story short, Dh works 40 hours a week in an office, but he can decide his schedule. Some weeks he works a normal 8hr/5 day week. Sometimes he takes Friday off and works 10hr/4 day. Around Thanksgiving and probably all of last month and this week, he’s been working 13ish-hr/3 day weeks. She spends a lot of time with us over holidays and is convinced he isn’t making money when he’s not working those 4 days a week. All the time she’s asking me if we will “be ok”. No matter how many times I try to explain it to her. Recently she’s started acting like we are poor, things like, can you afford it with Bob’s hours? Is this something I just have to deal with? Any advice? |
Anonymous
| I would really really sincerely say "Mom, I've explained this to you a lot. Do you not remember? Or do. you not believe me?" Wait for her answer and proceed. |
Anonymous
| Send her home. |
Anonymous
| Is he salaried? Just explain that. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like she came from a low income or financially unstable background. Try to have some compassion, though I understand it is annoying. I stress about money a lot unnecessary but due to my background. I am just so tired of the anxiety in myself. It is exhausting. |
Anonymous
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"Mom, I am not discussing our finances."
"Mom, you have asked that question several times. I'm concerned about you. Are you having trouble with your short-term memory?" |
Anonymous
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Is there any chance that it's early dementia? A family member showed repetitive illogical anxiety about a particular subject. It turned out to be one of our early signs.
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Anonymous
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You need to be direct with her. "mom, I've told you several times that his work hours are flexible. Our finances are no different than if he worked a regular 8h/5 day a week job. Why do you keep bringing this up?".
If she continues, it is time for her to go home. She's teeetering a line implying that your husband isn't able to provide for you. |
Anonymous
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“I’m worried you have dementia, Mom, when you continually fixate on whether we have enough money.”
If she doesn’t have dementia, she’ll tone it down. If she does, she won’t be able to change. It seems cruel, but honestly this is how you deal with it efficiently. |
Anonymous
| If you're that worried, feel free to transfer your life savings into our account. We promise to budget responsibly... |
Anonymous
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No, there's no way to quell it.
She's asking invasive questions about things that are none of her business and you're trying to figure out how to make her feel better? Work on fixing the part of you that is jumping to do that. |
Anonymous
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I think most people in the boomer generation had jobs where they had to work very specific hours. And jobs were much more about being in the office during those set hours than about what you actually did while there. It might be just too hard to grasp. But if you have not already, make it clear that your husband makes the same amount of money no matter when he works. Perhaps if you have just said he has flexible hours, she still thinks that means the pay varies.
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Anonymous
The only thing more hilarious on DCUM than the responses with a ridiculous 'script' for OP to reenact are the scripts that assume and accuse the older parents of having Alzheimer's. |
Anonymous
I don’t think this is ridiculous. My mother has dementia and the two signs we saw first were: Heightened anxiety Repeating questions She was just here for Christmas and was SO anxious about my sister driving home at night and kept asking us if she could sleep over. |
Anonymous
| OP here. We’ve actually been concerned about dementia for a while now, for other reasons, and this just adds to that concern. |