5 year age gap with siblings

[Anonymous]

While this isn't a reality yet, due to an extremely painful fertility journey with lots of babies lost, in the best case scenario my kids might be 5 years or more apart in age.

Any positive stories of siblings with a large age gap?

[Anonymous]

7 year age gap here and we have always been close. But it really depends on the kids. We got along. We are both basically nice people. Neither a brat as kids.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids: currently 13.5/10.5/8/almost 5.

Their dynamics are all fascinating and depend more on personalities and genders. If you're worried about age difference I wouldn't be at all - my 13.5 year old just spent all afternoon playing with the almost 5 year old at the park today.

[Anonymous]

I think that used to be more common in 2 kid highly-educated families because the oldest would go to kindergarten and then a SAHM could focus more on the younger child. Also they wouldn't be in college at the same time.

There are 5 years between me and my sister. We weren't always close as kids but it was our normal, and we always felt like a family. We are now on vacation together. I think it's just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While this isn't a reality yet, due to an extremely painful fertility journey with lots of babies lost, in the best case scenario my kids might be 5 years or more apart in age.

Any positive stories of siblings with a large age gap?

Its fine for them and ideal for you.

[Anonymous]

I was in 6th grade when my brother was in 12th. And I had even older brothers. I grew up knowing a lot about their friends, their activities. I'm afraid they did not grow up knowing the same about me. Natural since they weren't around. I got to do some cool things. I visited them at college. I saw them navigate young adulthood and I learned a lot. Much of my growing up was more like an only child but that's ok. As adults we are close. I have had to reenforce the idea that we are equal peers. I wasn't going to be bossed, not in my adult life!

[Anonymous]

My kids are almost 5 years apart and I know plenty of others like them. And in my case and at least some of the others I know, secondary infertility was part of the story. There are a lot of good aspects to this age difference - the older one can help out, jealousy/sibling rivalry is a lot less fraught, only one set of diapers at a time! And in many ways I have parented both my kids as onlies during important periods of their lives.

It's probably not what I would have chosen, but now that we're here I see mostly good things. And as adults, 5 years is just a blip. Mine are now teenage boys (19/15) and even at this point, the age difference seems fairly irrelevant.

Good luck OP, I know how hard this is.

[Anonymous]

I have a three-year gap between the 1st and 2nd child, and a five-year gap between the 2nd and 3rd. They are in their 20s now. All three are close, but the bond between the 2nd and the 3rd is the strongest.

[Anonymous]

My brother and I are 5 years apart, as are all our cousins. It was the prevailing wisdom at the time in the home country. No issues.

[Anonymous]

My son and daughter are almost 6 years apart. They are now 15 and 21. They are super close. My daughter was always very protective of her brother and now that she is in college, she is a wonderful source of advice and support when he is struggling in any area of teen life. She enjoys taking him places and spoils him. He lights up when she is home and they seek out time together. The nice thing about the age gap is there has never been any rivalry at all.

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 yr gap between #2 and #3. 15 yr gap between #1 and #4.

Whatever the gap is, it'll work if you encourage it to work. Don't dump the older one to dote on the new one - keep in mind that the older will remember this time period but the baby won't. So if you take five seconds to let the baby cry while you make eye contact with the older one or give them a huge or stop walking away to compliment their drawing or village they will remember that.

And when the baby is a little older, keep them out of the older one's spaces and from destroying things they work hard on.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant on the first try with our son and then on what felt like the 1000th try with our daughter. They’re 4.5 years apart. It’s worked out beautifully, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. She’s in her senior year of high school now, and I’ve really enjoyed giving her the one on one attention that her brother got the first 4 years of his life. They been close since she was born. I think it really helped that he was in PreK and had his own schedule outside of the house when she was a newborn.

Hang in there. I’m crossing my fingers that it all works out soon for you.

[Anonymous]

Starting as a teen I have been close to my oldest sister, 7 years older and youngest sister, 7 years younger. Not so much in the younger years but as adults it’s not a big gap at all.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 5 years apart (7 and 2 now). I thought it would be so easy but it was a nightmare. Oldest was jealous of the baby and started having terrible behavior issues. We’ve mostly worked through them now and the two are as sweet as can be together.

As a parent, the hardest thing is having to relive those hard baby years again when we moved past them. But that’s also the best part — we were far enough away from the baby years to appreciate that we get to have a squishy little one all over again.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your stories and kind words.