screentime and time management

[Anonymous]

I am mad when DC spends 8 plus hours a day on youtube during holiday weekend. I asked him to go out for a walk, and he said no. I asked him to play with younger sibling, and he said that he already played for 30 minutes. I asked him to watch a family movie, and he said no. I asked him to go outside to kick ball, and he said no. Our weekend normally was filled up with soccer game and activities, and the season is over & some are closed for holiday. It got to the point at the end that I exploded and yelled. He stopped watching and played with his younger sibling and playing toys in his room. I am fine with him watching youtube because I know what he content he is watching, like violence or inappropriate.

If I insist/order him to go out with me or do something, he will do it. I hate this parenting approach because my parents used to force me to do something that I don't know. I try to respect his choice, let him relax from busy weeks, but he always only pick youtube staying at home. He does not know how to make a wise choice or take a break from youtube. He is fine not watching youtube when we are on vacation for a week. He is fine not watching youtube when he is at sleepaway camp for a week. So, it is not like he is highly addicted to youtube, but he somehow only thinks of youtube as the only choice he would rather do when he is not occupied. Is that normal for 8 year old acting like that?

He also has no time concept. We are often late for classes and does project at the last minutes before due date. We have clock in the living room/kitchen. He has a clock in his bedroom, but I have not turned on the alarm clock. He has a watch, but he does not like wearing it. He says it is not comfortable. Can this be taught?

[Anonymous]

Look into Rachel Bailey. Here's a start: https://rachel-bailey.com/240/

Also look at her joint problem solving stuff.

I've used her paid programs and they are great, but she has a lot of free stuff out there, too.

I will say that from your description, I'm not entirely sure what you want him to do, so it's not surprising he doesn't do it. Do you want him to be on screens only two hours a day or is it more that you want him to participate with the family/play/exercise?

Either way, you can set a boundary and still be respectful. See the podcast but basically saying, "Today you get screens for 2 hours. What are some ideas you have to fill the time?" and then helping them through it while not expecting him not to be upset but not letting that upset you. Balancing firmness and respect.

I'm guessing you're low on the firmness because you desperately want to respect him because you didn't feel respected as a child.

The other piece is you have some trigger(s) about his behavior(s). Maybe you are worried he will be always be lazy or never graduate or get a job, make good relationships, etc. You need to be able to separate the behavior from the catastrophic story you're telling yourself.

Excuse my rambling and poor explanation, but Rachel's stuff changed everything for us, and it makes senses when you get it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe make a list together of things he enjoys, can do this when you ask what he'd like to do when screen time is up like PP suggested.
Set a timer for YouTube when timer goes off he has to get off and do something from the list.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this too. It’s way too tempting for kids. I have to say ‘it’s time to take a break from ipad’ or it will almost never happen. If they complain or tantrum I tell them they will lose it for the whole day or 2. They already lost one day this break so they know it can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. It’s way too tempting for kids. I have to say ‘it’s time to take a break from ipad’ or it will almost never happen. If they complain or tantrum I tell them they will lose it for the whole day or 2. They already lost one day this break so they know it can happen.

It works better to work with them to find a stopping point that has to do with the game like find one more coin or finish this challenge. Then talk to them about game details when they are transitioning from the video game to the next thing. When we say one hour or 20 minutes and set a timer, it will never be a good time to be interrupted, and you would likey feel the same way about being interrupted by a time limit vs. a game challenge/show limit that is more natural to the activity.

[Anonymous]

Can make activity bins for different activities, a list like pp suggested, a schedule at the beginning of the day, set up planned activities for kids to do together, get out of the house more, etc.

Also, if you want them to do something else don’t ask while they’re engrossed in YouTube. Saying hey do you want to go kick a ball while they’re staring at a computer, chances are they’ll say no. Instead say turn the computer off. Then say do you want to kick a ball outside or watch a movie? If they say neither ask if they have a better idea and work through that. But first you have to disengage from YouTube.

And remember if you don’t want them to say no don’t present it as just an arbitrary option. It’s ok to say turn off the computer and go play outside with your brother now. Don’t think of it as ordering him to do something, it’s just part of parenting. Provide choices wherever possible but sometimes you have to do things your way and that’s ok.

He’s at the age where you do need to structure his time more so he doesn’t always rely on YouTube. The more exposure he gets to doing different things during free time, the more he’ll learn to choose to do other things on his own and it won’t feel so much like you’re forcing him to do it. Right now though he’s not there, which is normal for an 8 yo, and you’re going to have to structure free time more for him.

[Anonymous]

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he?

She said 8 way down at the bottom. I almost didn't see it either.

[Anonymous]

DS, 11, is allowed 2 hours of Youtube and 1 hour of video games in the weekends. He is pretty good about tracking it on his own but we will set a timer if he goes over on a day. He knows that time will decrease if he keeps going over the time. This works well on a normal weekend because he has other activities that keep him busy.

During vacation we allow the same amount of time daily and tell him he needs to do something else for an hour to spend 30 more minutes on screens. That means reading, practicing his instrument, doing some math puzzles (he likes the math puzzles), building a Mark Rober kit (Christmas gift 2 years running), or something physical.

We have no problem with his complaining about being bored or giving him some chores to do. He often asks to have friends over or ends up at a friend’s house. We have planned a few activities out of the house on the days that one of us is not working.

Some of it is just telling them to turn it off and find something else to do. We do have our list of activities that allow for extra screens on the days that we are both working. He helps us come up with the list.

[Anonymous]

What works for us is to delay screen time until the end of the day. If the day starts off that way, it's just screens endlessly.

You can buy a router that allows you to filter the wifi. Only two devices are connected right now at our house. That really helps.

Tech is addictive and it's ok to treat it like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this too. It’s way too tempting for kids. I have to say ‘it’s time to take a break from ipad’ or it will almost never happen. If they complain or tantrum I tell them they will lose it for the whole day or 2. They already lost one day this break so they know it can happen.

It works better to work with them to find a stopping point that has to do with the game like find one more coin or finish this challenge. Then talk to them about game details when they are transitioning from the video game to the next thing. When we say one hour or 20 minutes and set a timer, it will never be a good time to be interrupted, and you would likey feel the same way about being interrupted by a time limit vs. a game challenge/show limit that is more natural to the activity.

I use timers and when it goes off, it's on my phone so no noise, I finish the task or if it's a long quest find a save point or save depending on how the game saves. This could be a way they could be more independent about time management. For YouTube it could be finish current video then stop.

[Anonymous]

For an 8 year old you set a limit and enforce it. Otherwise of course he will want it endlessly. Its addictive and he has no consequences if he doesnt stop so you cant expect him to stop on his own. Tell him its 2 hours total and help him work out if he wants it in the morning or afternoon. When the time is up thats it.

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 8 year old. I give her the ipad a stated limit. Like m:" you can watch until I'm done making dinner at 6 pm" Etc. The kids dont know the ipad code. If they dont stop themselves when the time is up and i have to turn it off, they don't get any the next day.

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when you overschedule your kids so they don’t know how to entertain themselves during unstructured time. Chickens coming home to roost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For an 8 year old you set a limit and enforce it. Otherwise of course he will want it endlessly. Its addictive and he has no consequences if he doesnt stop so you cant expect him to stop on his own. Tell him its 2 hours total and help him work out if he wants it in the morning or afternoon. When the time is up thats it.

+1 you don’t expect babies to control their bladder and you don’t expect 8 year olds to control their impulse to waste time on youtube