Reason for divorce and its impact on co-parenting

[Anonymous]

If you divorced due to a slow realization that you'd grown apart, or one party lost interest in sex, but your interactions were always amicable and you co-parented well during marriage, what is it like during divorce?

I assume divorces that happen because someone is a terrible or inattentive parent remain difficult after divorce with custody issues.

If someone cheated or mistreated you, I imagine co-parenting is difficult because there is a lot of anger at your former spouse.

[Anonymous]

I had an emotionally and financially abusive marriage. Coparenting is fine because we are no longer married.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I amicably separated for the reasons you outlined (grown apart, also he could not effectively work out how to share money and I had a lot of built-up resentment about it). We are still legally married so that he can stay on my health insurance but have separate residences and separate finances. It’s actually a lot easier for us to be nice to each other now that the main sources of tension arent a factor anymore. We get lunch together without the kids once a month or so just to catch up. We do Christmas together as a family and also usually take a family beach vacation in the summer. I have no idea what his dating life has been like, nor do I want to know, but neither of us has ever introduced or even mentioned another partner to the kids. Tbh I think many more married couples would do this if they had the financial ability to maintain two separate residences… we’re lucky that we both make enough that it wasn’t a consideration for us.

[Anonymous]

I divorced because my ex had an affair with a coworker, and they are still together.

Because of that baggage, I keep our coparenting relationship strictly about logistics related to the kids. No communication beyond that. It works well, because there is no drama and we are perfectly fine both being present at things like concerts or conferences for the kids.

His girlfriend actively avoids me, I haven’t spoken to her since meeting her at one of my ex husbands work events years before I found out they were cheating. As far as I can tell, she’s nice to my kids, so I’d also be fine interacting with her at that same level, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you divorced due to a slow realization that you'd grown apart, or one party lost interest in sex, but your interactions were always amicable and you co-parented well during marriage, what is it like during divorce?

I assume divorces that happen because someone is a terrible or inattentive parent remain difficult after divorce with custody issues.

If someone cheated or mistreated you, I imagine co-parenting is difficult because there is a lot of anger at your former spouse.

Oh so you’re looking for a pass to break up your kids’ home because you still like each other?

So your divorce is not “terrible” for you; congratulations. Never mind that it will destroy your kids.

[Anonymous]

My ex is mentally unwell. He went from a nice guy to an abusive, controlling, alcoholic due to TBI.

I have primary custody in a strongly pro dad state. Our coparenting is abusive and ongoing torture- just like being married to him became. He wishes I would kill myself, which is a barrier to communication even about what should be simple kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you divorced due to a slow realization that you'd grown apart, or one party lost interest in sex, but your interactions were always amicable and you co-parented well during marriage, what is it like during divorce?

I assume divorces that happen because someone is a terrible or inattentive parent remain difficult after divorce with custody issues.

If someone cheated or mistreated you, I imagine co-parenting is difficult because there is a lot of anger at your former spouse.

Oh so you’re looking for a pass to break up your kids’ home because you still like each other?

So your divorce is not “terrible” for you; congratulations. Never mind that it will destroy your kids.

Ummm... my spouse is divorcing me. Thanks though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex is mentally unwell. He went from a nice guy to an abusive, controlling, alcoholic due to TBI.

I have primary custody in a strongly pro dad state. Our coparenting is abusive and ongoing torture- just like being married to him became. He wishes I would kill myself, which is a barrier to communication even about what should be simple kid stuff.

That is so tragic. Very sorry for you, and for him. It's wild a brain injury can cause that shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you divorced due to a slow realization that you'd grown apart, or one party lost interest in sex, but your interactions were always amicable and you co-parented well during marriage, what is it like during divorce?

I assume divorces that happen because someone is a terrible or inattentive parent remain difficult after divorce with custody issues.

If someone cheated or mistreated you, I imagine co-parenting is difficult because there is a lot of anger at your former spouse.

Oh so you’re looking for a pass to break up your kids’ home because you still like each other?

So your divorce is not “terrible” for you; congratulations. Never mind that it will destroy your kids.

Just stop. Divorce does not destroy kids. I am so sick of this. I am divorced. My kids are very happy. My parents are married...I had a horrible childhood growing up in a horribly toxic house, which made me accept poor behvavior in relationships.

Divorce can be just fine if the parents live close to each other, there is 50/50 and they are not toxic in front of the kids.
Marriage that is horrible is much worse.

Also, even if it is just growing apart, better to do it sooner than wait until kids are older. It really does not have to be awful. Please stop using 1980s divorces as your model of how divorces are.

My kids completely get why we are not married. They are fine. We also occassionally do a family dinner. We actually NEVER did that married.

My parents are old now and hate each other. I have only seen them once a year for 25 years. They are horrible to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex is mentally unwell. He went from a nice guy to an abusive, controlling, alcoholic due to TBI.

I have primary custody in a strongly pro dad state. Our coparenting is abusive and ongoing torture- just like being married to him became. He wishes I would kill myself, which is a barrier to communication even about what should be simple kid stuff.

Same issues with abusive controlling alcoholic ex.