No b day invites or play dates.

[Anonymous]

My 1st grader is new this year and a bit shy. She seems to get along fine with the kids in her class, but says she only has one friend. We invited that friend over for a play date and have also hosted playdates with two other kids whose parents I’ve met. The play dates went well, but no one reciprocated. All of the kids have since had b day parties and none have invited my kid. Should I do more to foster friendships? If so, what should I be doing? My kid seems fine—she doesn’t seem to notice that no one invites her over. She plays well with family friends, so it’s not like she has no kids in her life. But she has no friends from school and I worry a bit about that. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. My kid is in 3rd and I feel much the same. He has one friend who comes over all the time for play dates so we lean into that. But otherwise, by 3rd grade I think he has been invited to one bday and he barely had any in daycare either. It makes me feel sad for him becuase his brother is the opposite (now 6th, but has constantly been going to birthday parties since he was an infant).

Honestly, I know part of it was covid. But when my eldest was in daycare every single kid had an all kid birthday for the almost 5 years we were there (and i made a great group of mom friends that I am still friends with 12 years later). Then we started K and instantly made a tight group of mom friends and we (and our kids) have remained friends all though ES and into middle.

With my younger son I tried all the same socialization. We invited people over (they would decline playdates) and no one had birthdays (or if they did he wasn't invited). My youngest is shy so maybe it is that? Or maybe a lot is covid? I don't know, but it makes me a bit sad.

Overall, my kid seems fine, but he does ask why he never gets to go to any birthdays.

[Anonymous]

PP here: I realize i never offered any suggestions lol. Sorry, I just invite people for playdates (in and out of my house, drop off or stay) frequently and hope one day someone will agree!

[Anonymous]

Re birthday invites. It could be helpful to invite entire class to a really great venue for a bday party (laser tag, trampoline park). Many kids (or their parents) will reciprocate with an invite to their birthday party. We had all class parties in K and first and we got invited to almost all the bday parties after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re birthday invites. It could be helpful to invite entire class to a really great venue for a bday party (laser tag, trampoline park). Many kids (or their parents) will reciprocate with an invite to their birthday party. We had all class parties in K and first and we got invited to almost all the bday parties after that.

At what age is it to “try hard” to throw an all class party? I know they are common in kindergarten, what about after that?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. Post-Covid, I think folks are doing fewer "invite the whole class to the bouncy house place" type birthday partys, so the lists are shorter.

One concrete suggestion would be to join a Brownie troop affiliated with the school. That's a good way to get closer to other girls, and the troops often stay together through ES or beyond.

[Anonymous]

I know it hurts, OP. But as long as your daughter isn't affected by it, I wouldn't worry. By high school she will have true friends and the days worrying about parties in elementary school will be long gone. It sounds like the parents of the kids at your school are not very inclusive. F them.

[Anonymous]

I second the suggestion to do a larger bday party. If you can't do all class, invite all girls. Some parents will reciprocate. It's easier to do the bigger parties before second grade.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op, it can be so hard! I second the recommendations to consider girl scouts or a sport like soccer where a lot of kids from the same school are on the same team (at least in Arlington that is how soccer teams are set up). That allows you to have regular interaction with parents over a time period and her to have interaction outside of school consistently. That can be helpful. Then you may be able to identify some people to keep working the playdates or a family get together with.

And, like others said it is ok to not have close buds right now she will find them over time. I also try to keep the family friends going like you said so that they have lots of outlets for social interaction and building relationships in different ways, so there is less pressure on school friends.

[Anonymous]

My DD is in 2nd and still had an all-class birthday party this year. I also suggest you ask her teacher what she thinks might help.