What’s an acceptable noise level with two young kids?

[Anonymous]

We have a preschooler and an elementary schooler, and they’re pretty loud. They play a lot of physical games, like chasing, wrestling, or just being silly . They’re often laughing uproariously or screaming and shouting as they play. They get excited about anything. “It’s DINNERTIME!! YESSS!!” “WE’RE HAVING PASTA!!!! WOO-HOO.”

With one parent is one on one with either of them it’s more manageable, but when we’re all there they want to participate in all the conversations and get overexcited and loud. (Whether they’re interacting with us or each other)

My DH is at his wits end and hates spending time as a family because of the noise. I am not sure what to do. I have tried telling them to be quieter, but my reminders are usually ignored.

[Anonymous]

PS DH won’t wear earplugs because he says they don’t work.

[Anonymous]

If they're just shrieking to be annoying, then no it's not okay.

But if they are actually playing and excited, that should be fun and joyous. your DH seems really uptight and just needs to embrace the chaos and this stage.

It's okay to have certain quiet hours as well - kids can read, draw, build Legos etc but it's a relaxing time.

[Anonymous]

Enforce indoor voices indoors and send them outdoors when they get loud. My two are capable of being quieter upon request (although they still need constant reminders); it’s just a constant cycle of training them to be aware of volume and setting them up for success by giving them opportunities to burn off energy throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

No one should have to wear earplugs when not sleeping to deal with indoor craziness. As already mentioned, the kids need to learn indoor voices. They need to get their energy out and if you don't have any outdoor space then they need to have spaces and times to get the energy out. But it can't just be craziness all the time.

You need to establish rules, boundaries and consequences.

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry, they will outgrow the loudness.

[Anonymous]

Occasionally being loud while playing is fine. Screaming about dinner or particular foods is not fine. Always screaming or yelling simply to communicate would absolutely not be allowed in our home.

[Anonymous]

It works better to mirror what you want them to look and sound like. In a soft gentle voice say...when your voice sounds like mine we can eat.

Sometimes I do a British accent or a funny character voice to get them to mimic me.

It also works for physical interaction.... When you are seated at the table like I am then we can play the game. Or when you are walking like I am we are able to go to the park .... Sometimes I'll walk funny and they will go behind me doing the same thing... This keeps them from running on yards or into the street.

I notice when I just used to give verbal cues they struggled.

[Anonymous]

I think noise is pretty normal and its part of having kids. If they are not being disrespectful I think you just go with it. Makes you appreciate the quiet when they are out of the house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a preschooler and an elementary schooler, and they’re pretty loud. They play a lot of physical games, like chasing, wrestling, or just being silly . They’re often laughing uproariously or screaming and shouting as they play. They get excited about anything. “It’s DINNERTIME!! YESSS!!” “WE’RE HAVING PASTA!!!! WOO-HOO.”

With one parent is one on one with either of them it’s more manageable, but when we’re all there they want to participate in all the conversations and get overexcited and loud. (Whether they’re interacting with us or each other)

My DH is at his wits end and hates spending time as a family because of the noise. I am not sure what to do. I have tried telling them to be quieter, but my reminders are usually ignored.

Don't remind. Correct. Make them (modeling your own inside voice) go back and start over, or repeat what they said with an inside voice. When they say "we are having pasta, woo hoo" with an inside voice, be enthusiastic about pasta too. Be firm but loving! What you are doing here just tells them that they can be as loud as they want so they're going to continue to do it.

And whatever is an acceptable noise level to us doesn't matter. If your husband is at his wits end, it's too much. End it.

[Anonymous]

Sympathy for your husband. I'm really sensitive to that kind of noise, especially noise from people talking over each other and each getting progressively louder in order to be heard. I find it very stressful because my brain cannot follow what people are saying and so I have trouble processing my environment.

Do you think they are like this at school all of the time? They aren't. Especially the elementary school kids -- if they were doing this in 1st or 2nd grade, there would be consequences. Your kids know how to be quiet when there are consequences for refusing to be quiet, like missing out on an activity or having to separate from their buddy in class because they are making too much noise.

So do the same at home.

Being loud and excited in the yard while playing before dinner? Great! At the dinner table we don't interrupt and we keep our voices to an indoor-appropriate level. On a playground? Yell away.

In the car on the way to the playground? Those sounds are hurting mommy's ears and making it hard to focus on driving. I will pull over until we can make our voices quieter so that I can drive safely.

It sounds like you have a high tolerance for noise and chaos and your husband's tolerance is lower. I would consider that many people in the world are more like your husband than you, especially when it comes to your kids. He might do your kids a favor by expecting them to accommodate his tolerance level, whereas you might set them up for problems down the road if you expect everyone to be okay with their noise the way you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sympathy for your husband. I'm really sensitive to that kind of noise, especially noise from people talking over each other and each getting progressively louder in order to be heard. I find it very stressful because my brain cannot follow what people are saying and so I have trouble processing my environment.

Do you think they are like this at school all of the time? They aren't. Especially the elementary school kids -- if they were doing this in 1st or 2nd grade, there would be consequences. Your kids know how to be quiet when there are consequences for refusing to be quiet, like missing out on an activity or having to separate from their buddy in class because they are making too much noise.

So do the same at home.

Being loud and excited in the yard while playing before dinner? Great! At the dinner table we don't interrupt and we keep our voices to an indoor-appropriate level. On a playground? Yell away.

In the car on the way to the playground? Those sounds are hurting mommy's ears and making it hard to focus on driving. I will pull over until we can make our voices quieter so that I can drive safely.

It sounds like you have a high tolerance for noise and chaos and your husband's tolerance is lower. I would consider that many people in the world are more like your husband than you, especially when it comes to your kids. He might do your kids a favor by expecting them to accommodate his tolerance level, whereas you might set them up for problems down the road if you expect everyone to be okay with their noise the way you are.

+1

And it's not like you are persecuting your children or destroying their carefree childhoods if you teach them appropriate noise levels. There is no reason to let them continue to be loud just because they want to. We live in communities, not islands, and we need to be mindful of the way our actions make others feel.

[Anonymous]

What is your DH doing to improve their volume? Why is this your problem alone to solve?

[Anonymous]

Happy sounds? No problem. Screaming at each other - problem.

[Anonymous]

Here’s a thought let them be kids.