Students new to private school, how are things going?

[Anonymous]

I was just wondering how things are at the end of 1st semester for kids who started some place new.

My upper school freshman is doing reasonably well academically. Her grades are definitely not as high as they were in public middle school, where she never struggled to get a 4.0. Math and science classes were fine. She has struggled with the higher standards for essays, but she's made a lot of improvement in this area. My fingers are crossed that she learned enough to do well on her end of semester papers, but at least I know she put serious effort into these and has learned a lot.

Socially, things are still a bit hard. She's met some good friends among the new admits, but in a lot of situations when the friends aren't around, she feels left out and awkward because a lot of kids already know each other well. We're trying to encourage her to start conversations and meet new friends, but she's a bit shy. I hope this gets easier over time.

[Anonymous]

Does she have a sport or time-consuming school activity for the winter season? It’s too late now, but the best way to find acquaintances that make situations like lunch easier is to have friends from a fall sport.

Don’t worry about the essays. I went to a public school and then Princeton. I had Cs (it was the olden days before grade inflation but they were basically Fs) in my 1st semester English class until I figured out essays. My classmates from elite private schools had learned to write essays in exactly the way that college professors wanted and expected. I had a ton of catching up to do. It’s better to do that in HS than in college.

[Anonymous]

We are a couple years in. It was an adjustment but everything worked out.

[Anonymous]

My DC also came from public to private for 9th. He is really enjoying his classes -- the caliber of teaching and it's less traditional approach has been amazing for my kid. But while he's keeping up with the "lifers" academically, he has definitely struggled socially. He was in a fall sport and is in a club now, but hasn't made friends. He hasn't had to make new school friends since kindergarten (his group was pretty consistent over the years), and my husband and I played a big part in creating those social opportunities in early elementary, which obviously can't happen in the same way now. It's so hard to know how to support them socially when they're in HS.

[Anonymous]

OP - it takes a while to feel ok socially. If she can sign up for a Winter or Fall sport, that will help. Teams like Cross Country and Track are often welcoming to many talent levels.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I suggested she try a new sport but she really resisted because she is not the sporty type. I should have probably encouraged more non-sport activities but didn't want her to feel overwhelmed. She is involved with a couple of non-sport clubs and feels like she has met some people this way, but they already know each other well and she is an outsider. I will encourage her to try more activities like drama in the spring and next fall, now that we know she can handle the academics.

PP at 12:39 it sounds like our kids had similar experiences. Mine was so comfortable socially in elementary and middle school. It's tough to be new and not have that safety net of people you've known since kindergarten. Hopefully it will get easier over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just wondering how things are at the end of 1st semester for kids who started some place new.

My upper school freshman is doing reasonably well academically. Her grades are definitely not as high as they were in public middle school, where she never struggled to get a 4.0. Math and science classes were fine. She has struggled with the higher standards for essays, but she's made a lot of improvement in this area. My fingers are crossed that she learned enough to do well on her end of semester papers, but at least I know she put serious effort into these and has learned a lot.

Socially, things are still a bit hard. She's met some good friends among the new admits, but in a lot of situations when the friends aren't around, she feels left out and awkward because a lot of kids already know each other well. We're trying to encourage her to start conversations and meet new friends, but she's a bit shy. I hope this gets easier over time.

Is she in a school that starts in middle school earlier than that?

[Anonymous]

My kid is one of a few newbies this year in his grade at his small DC private. Loves his teachers, likes most classes, gets along well kids while at school. Outside of school he’s lonely. Breaking the barrier to really be part of a social group is proving to be a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Our child started in 9 and it’s been better than we could have imagined. So happy. Played a fall sport and now in a winter sport. Made friends through sports easily and made life in classroom easier. Extremely happy.

[Anonymous]

DC went to private K8, but decided to attend a school few of their classmates went to for freshman year. It took them almost a year to adjust and make friends at school. They are now sophomores and doing fine socially. Freshman year was rough though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC went to private K8, but decided to attend a school few of their classmates went to for freshman year. It took them almost a year to adjust and make friends at school. They are now sophomores and doing fine socially. Freshman year was rough though.

That's encouraging to hear! Was there anything you did as a parent that seemed to help your kid? Any advice?

[Anonymous]

My son joined a Big3 for 9th. He's a super social kid but it took him about a year to start doing things with kids outside of school. Now he's in 11th and has genuine friends.
When he was in 9th I spoke to a number of friends with older kids who also transitioned to new high schools. Almost all of them said they really hit their stride socially by junior year. It can take kids a LONG time--especially when joining a class with kids who have been together for years--combined with the fact that in high school none of the kids have much time for social things after homework, sports, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just wondering how things are at the end of 1st semester for kids who started some place new.

My upper school freshman is doing reasonably well academically. Her grades are definitely not as high as they were in public middle school, where she never struggled to get a 4.0. Math and science classes were fine. She has struggled with the higher standards for essays, but she's made a lot of improvement in this area. My fingers are crossed that she learned enough to do well on her end of semester papers, but at least I know she put serious effort into these and has learned a lot.

Socially, things are still a bit hard. She's met some good friends among the new admits, but in a lot of situations when the friends aren't around, she feels left out and awkward because a lot of kids already know each other well. We're trying to encourage her to start conversations and meet new friends, but she's a bit shy. I hope this gets easier over time.

Is she in a school that starts in middle school earlier than that?

She joined a K-12 in 9th, so a lot of the kids have known each other forever.

[Anonymous]

It's still early OP - it really does take the full year to settle in and cement real relationships. Sounds like your kid is right about where they should be. Encourage them to continue to get involved outside of class.... sports and drama are both excellent. There are also clubs, yearbook, etc. Things really start to gel more in 10th grade

[Anonymous]

I am glad we aren’t the only ones. I have a social 9th grader who is struggling at their new school. Just not invited to anything. Luckily, they have outside activities, but it would be nice to join up with others outside of school. We even thought about changing schools. Maybe it will just take more time.