Invite became a potluck

[Anonymous]

Does this happen to anyone else?

Someone in the family offers to host an event to get everyone together but then turns around and asks who’s bringing what, making it a potluck.

We always cook or cater if we host company as that’s what our parents did.

[Anonymous]

Jfc, not everyone can afford to do that.

[Anonymous]

If you want to come but don't feel like cooking, buy a dish to bring. This host clearly realized after inviting you that they couldn't do it all. It was a mistake to not announce it from the start, but if you like them, forgive them this social faux-pas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jfc, not everyone can afford to do that.

They are very rich.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you offer to pay for catering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jfc, not everyone can afford to do that.

They are very rich.

Well in my family we always bring a dish. And you never now what someone has going on in their life. If you don't like this RSVP, no.

[Anonymous]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but you know what? Opening your home is a huge percentage of the effort of people getting together. You have to clean and make sure you have enough tables and linens and plates and that your kids are cared for, blah blah. If someone opens their home and presents the opportunity for people to get together, I’m fine bringing a dish or two, some wine, etc. I appreciate their effort and I don’t mind contributing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal to me.

With my family it was less about “hosting” and more about getting together. If you were invited, you’d ask if you could bring anything, or just bring something you wanted to share. Once you arrived, you’d check in with the hosts to see if there was any way you could help. Afterwards, we’d pitch in to help clean.

We just wanted to spend time together. We were family, not company.

[Anonymous]

An invitation is not a summons.

[Anonymous]

Potlucks are not great. It’s often a mishmash of foods that do not go together and people always make errors on how many servings to bring. And then there is the labor afterwards of cleaning containers and the sad person whose dish was practically untouched. Potlucks are fun when you are 25 and have nothing better to do. OP, I’m with you, last minute potlucks are annoying. It would be better to ask people to chip in to cover catering or food delivery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may be an unpopular opinion, but you know what? Opening your home is a huge percentage of the effort of people getting together. You have to clean and make sure you have enough tables and linens and plates and that your kids are cared for, blah blah. If someone opens their home and presents the opportunity for people to get together, I’m fine bringing a dish or two, some wine, etc. I appreciate their effort and I don’t mind contributing.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds normal to me.

With my family it was less about “hosting” and more about getting together. If you were invited, you’d ask if you could bring anything, or just bring something you wanted to share. Once you arrived, you’d check in with the hosts to see if there was any way you could help. Afterwards, we’d pitch in to help clean.

We just wanted to spend time together. We were family, not company.

Same here. And most people brought 2 things - appetizer and salad, salad & dessert, side dish and snacks for later.

Generally the meat and potatoes get cooked at the hosts house, but not always by the host.

Just bring something or buy something OP. Ask for specifics if you want to.

[Anonymous]

This happens fairly often in my family - people may be asked to bring an app or dessert or some similar contribution. I don't mind at all and am just happy to get together.

I also appreciate the clear ask. I'd rather that, than someone be holding a grudge because no one offered to help or contribute anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potlucks are not great. It’s often a mishmash of foods that do not go together and people always make errors on how many servings to bring. And then there is the labor afterwards of cleaning containers and the sad person whose dish was practically untouched. Potlucks are fun when you are 25 and have nothing better to do. OP, I’m with you, last minute potlucks are annoying. It would be better to ask people to chip in to cover catering or food delivery.

+1

[Anonymous]

Family and guests are two different things.

In my extended family we gather a lot, and always at one of two houses because the rest of us have spaces too small, or have lots of young kids and think hosting would be overwhelming. It wouldn’t be fair to expect those people to host and pay for all the food and do all the cooking. Although we don’t do potluck, we communicate and coordinate and make a meal that goes together.