My mom is stressing me out about holiday plans!

[Anonymous]

It’s our year to host. It’ll be my household, my parents, and my (single, child-free) sister. Due to some work unknowns for DH, we don’t yet know if he will be working on Christmas Eve (when we typically celebrate) or Christmas, neither, both, or just one of the days, but will find out some time this week or next. My sister knows, is fine with whatever date, my parents have been told this, too. But my mom keeps calling and asking if I know yet. I keep telling her she will be the first to know. That appeased her for a while, but now she’s focusing on the food. What will we eat? Will we eat the same food if DH isn’t there? Should SHE cook the food and bring it over? Etc etc. I keep telling her I don’t have the menu cemented down yet, but it won’t change, and no, nobody needs to bring anything, just like I don’t bring anything per her request when she hosts. But every day she calls and asks, and I sort of blew up at her today. It’s frustrating enough for ME not to know, but it’s even harder when I’m constantly asked. Am I being rude? Is there anything I can say to ease her mind?

[Anonymous]

There's a string of these posts lately.

You blew up at her, which was the correct thing to do. Leave it. Until the next call in 3 days.

[Anonymous]

Why do you keep answering the phone? Let it ring. You know why she's calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a string of these posts lately.

You blew up at her, which was the correct thing to do. Leave it. Until the next call in 3 days.

Tis the season!

[Anonymous]

She sounds bored and obviously hyper focused on what's going to happen so she can be prepared. Why don't you give her a job to do or dish to make to keep her occupied?

[Anonymous]

Just pick a menu. I mean, she is totally wrong. But if you can appease her by saying “we are having honey baked ham, mashed potatoes, green beans and pumpkin pie,” why not just say that? And really, you can change your mind later. Just make something up to see if it shuts her up.

[Anonymous]

Are they all local? I'd also be letting her calls for the voicemail.

[Anonymous]

What does he do that he doesn’t know if he’s working? I’m a first responder and I know my schedule as does everyone in my department.
My nurse BF has her schedule too.
If he hasn’t been scheduled at this point then he shouldn’t have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It’s frustrating enough for ME not to know, but it’s even harder when I’m constantly asked.

Did you tell her that? Tell her to stop placing her anxiety on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he do that he doesn’t know if he’s working? I’m a first responder and I know my schedule as does everyone in my department.
My nurse BF has her schedule too.
If he hasn’t been scheduled at this point then he shouldn’t have to work.

Um, did you know that many, many other professions besides medical have fluctuating schedules? Judges, clerks, construction, lab techs, academic labs, the list goes on. You have no cause to question OP, so either contribute constructively or move on.’

OP, tell her that you will not be taking her calls if she is calling to discuss the holiday; you will share the info with her when you have it. Tell her that if she has an emergency or something else to discuss, she can text you what it is and you will call her back.

[Anonymous]

Do you think she's worried that at the last minute you'll back out of hosting, and she'll have to step up, but will be unprepared?

If you give her the menu, it better cements that you're hosting, at the same time, anxiety ran people are only appeased for very all amounts of time.

I would shut it down, change the subject, have to go somewhere. Delay the calls where possible and be curt - you're an adult you've got this.

[Anonymous]

Send her a text every morning. “Hi Mom. Bob still doesn’t know what his schedule is. And I’m working on the menu. If you call, I will screen it. If you text about this, i will ignore. Again, I will update you as soon as I have more information. Have a great day.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her a text every morning. “Hi Mom. Bob still doesn’t know what his schedule is. And I’m working on the menu. If you call, I will screen it. If you text about this, i will ignore. Again, I will update you as soon as I have more information. Have a great day.”

How lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s our year to host. It’ll be my household, my parents, and my (single, child-free) sister. Due to some work unknowns for DH, we don’t yet know if he will be working on Christmas Eve (when we typically celebrate) or Christmas, neither, both, or just one of the days, but will find out some time this week or next. My sister knows, is fine with whatever date, my parents have been told this, too. But my mom keeps calling and asking if I know yet. I keep telling her she will be the first to know. That appeased her for a while, but now she’s focusing on the food. What will we eat? Will we eat the same food if DH isn’t there? Should SHE cook the food and bring it over? Etc etc. I keep telling her I don’t have the menu cemented down yet, but it won’t change, and no, nobody needs to bring anything, just like I don’t bring anything per her request when she hosts. But every day she calls and asks, and I sort of blew up at her today. It’s frustrating enough for ME not to know, but it’s even harder when I’m constantly asked. Am I being rude? Is there anything I can say to ease her mind?

This is how you know you are still alive. If all was smooth then you would not be sure.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would want to know if my Christmas plans were on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. OP's mom is taking it too far, but it's the one day of the year I couldn't be "whatever" about. I know OP and DH can't control when the schedule is confirmed but this week or next? I'd be annoyed too, the difference is I would hound anyone about it.