Assisted Living

[Anonymous]

DH is finally starting to realize that his Dad needs to be in an assisted living facility. He (FIL) lives in NY, but we are contemplating bringing him here. Does anyone have first-hand experience having their parents in an assisted living facility either in the DC or greater NYC area? I'd love to hear about the costs, staff, activities, etc. We are basically starting from scratch on this research, so any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

There are a variety of assisted living. There are different "levels" - ones that are more of a retirement community (still independent), ones with nurses visiting you every day, ones with a nurse all the time, etc.

Most places of have wait-lists so you may want to sign up even if you don't plan on your FIL moving in for another few months.

Each place has their specific ways of doing things - some will buy back your place once you're deceased (at X% of the value), some require a deposit, etc.
Most places are happy to give you a tour and a "come join us for lunch"-type invitation so you can see/feel what type of place it is.

The one my mom is in has a happy hour in the garden on Fridays, a daily shuttle bus that zips around town and stops at the mall/grocery store/library, etc. so she is free to come-and-go whenever she likes. My mom opted for a condo so the cleaning and maintance is minimal (but you can even pay for maid service) and she chose a 10meal/week meal plan b/c she enjoys cooking still and eating out so 10 meals is good for her to eat at the mess hall (as we call it). They also have weekly seminars (guest speakers on various topics), day trips, socials, etc.

You don't say what condition your FIL is in, but you may want to keep him where he feels at home - in NY. Moving him to a new place (DC) AND putting him in assisted living is a lot especially all at once.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, 22:54. Let me be more specific: He is facing his 3rd bout with cancer and showing increasing signs of dementia. He thinks he can live alone, but really can't, as he forgets how to get places, can't be trusted to follow his doctors' instructions, etc. He has been living with his long-time girlfriend who just decided he needs to move out. I think she can't deal with the fact that it is becoming more and more of a job to care for him. Sadly, he does not have very many friends and has ostracized much of his family. Since he has to move in any event, I'm not sure how much it matters where the new place is, though it would be good to have him in NY for continuity of care with his doctors, if nothing else. I think he probably needs medium-level care (someone regularly checking in on him), but that could soon change to round-the-clock care, depending on the progression of his cancer. Any recommendations on specific facilities in either DC or NY (Long Island or Westchester) would be most appreciated.

[Anonymous]

There is a Sunrise Assisted Living right on Connecticut Avenue in Chevy Chase, DC. Seems super convenient and really nice. I would check that out.

[Anonymous]

Check out how much he can afford, if his Social Security and/or Medicare will cover any. I would bet that the Assisted living locations in the suburbs are alot cheaper than one in DC or NYC. If he's showing signs of dimentia then find a place that offers nursing care. i.e. you can pay extra for them to come daily to make sure he's bathed and has his medicines and also a place that has dimentia/alzheimer's care for when he may need 24/7 care. We're dealing with my father who has Alz. and is still living at home with my mom. Some day he may have to go into a Alz. nursing home ward. So sad. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

The Georgetown assisted living home on Q St in Georgetown if you want close to downtown. You may need to hire a private nurse for his level of care on top of their services.

[Anonymous]

You might need some real help with this one. If you live in MC they will help you find services. Also, look in to JSSA http://www.jssa.org/. You don't have to be jewish and they will do an "intake" on you and assign someone to help you find the kind of care you are looking for. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

NP here... 22:54, can you say where your mother is? We are also thinking of bringing my mother down to DC and a community-type place with condos and group meals would be ideal.

[Anonymous]

I have experience with this. My father is in a Sunrise Facility. We have been thrilled with the care he is receiving there. Each Sunrise facility offers different levels of care (e.g. some have Alzheimer's units, etc).
But there are certainly many other assisted living facilities in the D.C. area that are good. I'd recommend visiting a few before making a decision.
I used a geriatric care manager to help with our decision --
http://www.agingnets.com/
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You might want a social worker who specializes in elders to evaluate his needs. That will help you find the right place for him.
If he has dementia, only certain places take dementia patients and put them in a special hall.

I have been there and done that, both parents now deceased, but having a social worker helped me. And also the costs involved you need to get a handle of Dad's finances and see if he can afford it (or you). Last I heard, (and I am no authority), assisted living does not accept medicaid. Has to be in a nursing home and need skilled nursing care. So figure about $4000-6000 a month for assisted living. I think you need to call, I looked on the website of Kingshire manor where my mom was and I don't see any prices.

[Anonymous]

Iona Senior Services is a great organization with a lot of resources to help you through this. They are located in Tenleytown. They could probably help you through the decision process and offer many DC resources.