Raising your hand in a restaurant

[Anonymous]

Is raising your hand to call a waiter in a restaurant considered rude in the US? Someone told me it was. I’m surprised. I’ve never heard that before. I’m not American, though…

[Anonymous]

If you’re trying to get their attention across a room, it’s fine.
What’s never okay is snapping your fingers to get their attention. Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

My mom used to wave her napkin in the air to get their attention. She could not have cared less if it was rude. She considered it rude to not pay attention to your guests.

One time I called the restaurant from my cell phone and asked them to send the server over to our table after waiting about 20 minutes for the check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to wave her napkin in the air to get their attention. She could not have cared less if it was rude. She considered it rude to not pay attention to your guests.

One time I called the restaurant from my cell phone and asked them to send the server over to our table after waiting about 20 minutes for the check.

If I can’t catch the server’s eye after a couple of attempts, I will flag someone down, whether it’s a bus boy or the host, to ask for the server’s attention. I think some servers get swamped and they purposefully avoid eye contact because it will slow them down even more.

I do want to hear more stories about your mom though. Just because I’m curious.

[Anonymous]

It's rude, yes.

[Anonymous]

Really depends how you do it. As a server I don't find it rude if it's not too high and it's loud. Don't lift it much higher than your own head and with eye contact ofcourse.
Haven't had that happened for awhile. We circle around constantly.

[Anonymous]

Eh. I would have said yes it was rude at one point. But service is so bad nowadays that sometimes you do what you have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to wave her napkin in the air to get their attention. She could not have cared less if it was rude. She considered it rude to not pay attention to your guests.

One time I called the restaurant from my cell phone and asked them to send the server over to our table after waiting about 20 minutes for the check.

I'm surprised you were even able to talk to the restaurant directly. Most seem to send calls through automated menus or to an overseas call center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to wave her napkin in the air to get their attention. She could not have cared less if it was rude. She considered it rude to not pay attention to your guests.

One time I called the restaurant from my cell phone and asked them to send the server over to our table after waiting about 20 minutes for the check.

Were they apologetic?

[Anonymous]

Maybe. I hate to do it and don’t unless it’s a last resort. If I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to make eye contact and using subtle cues to get the server’s attention, and it has been a long time, and I need to be on my way, then I’ll resort to the hand. I try to be as least obnoxious about it as possible.

It does irritate me that I, as the guest, feel rude calling the server over, when that is their job

[Anonymous]

Yes, there really isn't any other way to get a server's attention. You can do it fairly discretely. From what I have seen recently, servers don't even come to the table anymore or refill water or do the things they used to.

I don't feel rude, if I need something I am not just going to sit there for half an hour or longer waiting and hoping someone walks by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there really isn't any other way to get a server's attention. You can do it fairly discretely. From what I have seen recently, servers don't even come to the table anymore or refill water or do the things they used to.

I don't feel rude, if I need something I am not just going to sit there for half an hour or longer waiting and hoping someone walks by.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's rude, yes.

No, it's not rude to lift a hand to catch someone's attention.

[Anonymous]

No, it is not rude.

[Anonymous]

DW is a server.

When we're eating out, she just gets up and finds our server if we've been ghosted, which unfortunately does seem to happen a lot these days. Her view is that the server is actively ignoring us, so waving won't help.

Going and finding the server, on the other hand, works quite well.