Parent committing identity theft

[Anonymous]

When DH and I were first married, we pulled our credit reports to prepare to go through mortgage preapproval and found that DH’s mother had stolen his identity a few years prior to open retail credit lines. He didn’t know about it and had to take several months to get her to get the credit lines closed and off of his report before we could go ahead with our first home purchase.

Fast forward to over a decade later and I just learned that my father took my new credit card (reissued because the old one is about to expire) from my mail. I had to call the card issuer to have this addressed. He has early stage dementia and has the same card that I have.

How common is this? DH’s mother did it intentionally. I don’t know if my father did it intentionally or not due to his health problems.

I know how to deal with it. I’m just wondering if others have dealt with this too.

[Anonymous]

Honestly these are in totally separate categories. If your dad has dementia, things are only going to get weirder.

Personally, I wouldn’t even waste time on whether your dad did it “intentionally.” In some ways, this is as good a time as any to start grieving the person he was before and dealing with the version that’s in front of you. A big part of that is giving up on him being able to navigate fairness, appropriateness, respect, concepts like that. To say nothing about delusions he may be dealing with. Hopefully you still have a lot of those good things ahead of you but you need to accept that you can’t count on them any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DH and I were first married, we pulled our credit reports to prepare to go through mortgage preapproval and found that DH’s mother had stolen his identity a few years prior to open retail credit lines. He didn’t know about it and had to take several months to get her to get the credit lines closed and off of his report before we could go ahead with our first home purchase.

Fast forward to over a decade later and I just learned that my father took my new credit card (reissued because the old one is about to expire) from my mail. I had to call the card issuer to have this addressed. He has early stage dementia and has the same card that I have.

How common is this? DH’s mother did it intentionally. I don’t know if my father did it intentionally or not due to his health problems.

I know how to deal with it. I’m just wondering if others have dealt with this too.

No. Decent people don't commit frauds nor do they scam their kids.

[Anonymous]

Aunt did it to daughter (my cousin). She is a very troubled woman. Only time I’ve heard of it happening.

[Anonymous]

Your dad is ill. He didn’t steal your identity.

[Anonymous]

I hope you are protecting your father’s assets since he is unable to!

As to your question, yes, there are parents who ruin their kids’ credit by racking up debt and not paying

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is lucky your husband didn’t file a police report; that is what is required when this is done to get fraudulent student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is ill. He didn’t steal your identity.

He used my card to buy something online last night. That’s identity theft.

I’m dealing with it with the credit card company now. It’s a pain.

He typed my name in the online order, so I don’t think I can blame this entirely on his poor health.

And no, I do not help with his finances. My mother is still living and she is fine. He would never allow a child to help him with his finances, anyway. At least that’s what he has said to me over and over for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is lucky your husband didn’t file a police report; that is what is required when this is done to get fraudulent student loans.

He didn’t know to do this. I think he also wanted to give her a chance before he escalated things further.

She hasn’t done it again. We do have strict boundaries in place to prevent it.

[Anonymous]

He came to your house and took it out of your mailbox?

[Anonymous]

Are your parents usually criminals? I would when called the police.

[Anonymous]

Try using it now. See what happens. Be sure to post and tell everyone you see today what you have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is ill. He didn’t steal your identity.

He used my card to buy something online last night. That’s identity theft.

I’m dealing with it with the credit card company now. It’s a pain.

He typed my name in the online order, so I don’t think I can blame this entirely on his poor health.

And no, I do not help with his finances. My mother is still living and she is fine. He would never allow a child to help him with his finances, anyway. At least that’s what he has said to me over and over for many years.

This makes a big difference. I am sorry OP. It does sound intentional..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly these are in totally separate categories. If your dad has dementia, things are only going to get weirder.

Personally, I wouldn’t even waste time on whether your dad did it “intentionally.” In some ways, this is as good a time as any to start grieving the person he was before and dealing with the version that’s in front of you. A big part of that is giving up on him being able to navigate fairness, appropriateness, respect, concepts like that. To say nothing about delusions he may be dealing with. Hopefully you still have a lot of those good things ahead of you but you need to accept that you can’t count on them any more.

This poster is correct. Even with typing your name into the order, it could be do to the disease and unintentional. It’s a terrible disease that plays out in many ways including questionable decision making early on. You and your family need to be ready for it to get worse.

My Dad had it (early onset variety) and looking back some questionable financial decisions were early markers. Fortunately they were not catastrophic and my Mom caught on. They were able to make the changes needed to protect themselves. It was difficult though because he didn’t understand what was going on, had delusions and was angry about all of it. All out of character for him.

My heart goes out to you and your family. It’s an awful disease. Your Dad isn’t himself anymore.

[Anonymous]

Both you and your husband should freeze your credit at all three credit reporting agencies to prevent this happening in the future.